A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So what am I to do when my boyfriend says his tongue is tired when he performs oral sex on me?It takes me awhile with him. I am not sure why. I can take care of myself much quicker. But with him it takes longer. That is normal, right? I used to fake it with him and pretended to orgasm much quicker and now I think he is used to me doing it faster. If it takes awhile, he gives up. I guess because I have conditioned him or set him up to expect it faster because they were not always real? I did climax for real with him too a number of times but it did not happen every time. In fact, there were more fake than real.He goes down on me and puts in the work but then stops after he sees I am not cumming after some time goes by. But he gets me close. If only he would keep going. Also he is not always on the right spot. He just plows away. I try to move him to the right spot. Say that feels good. Yes, right there. But it is almost like he gives up when I don't come fast because he feels it reflects on him, and his sexual skills, rather than put that aside and try to please me. Does he make it about him instead? He always said he was an unselfish lover. Have I not taught him properly from the start that now he just expects me to cum without any effort? I think so. How to turn it around is the question?I have just decided to stop faking. And now it takes longer for the real thing. I was afraid if I did not climax faster and have earth shattering climaxes he would not want to be with me. That if I did not make him think he was good in bed he would find someone who did. It is sad when you think about it. But I never felt I could be totally myself with him. I always felt like he wanted great sex, and I gave it to him. I have never felt emotionally in tune with him. I used to. But I feel like he is not in love with me and that makes it hard. Despite the faking. I enjoy it all. I enjoy getting there. I enjoy the sexual experience. Even if I don't climax. Sometimes I do it to myself afterwards when he leaves or is sleeping. I give him blow jobs. And I work hard at it. I do all kinds of things to make him feel pleasure. I never get tired. I even go deep and sometimes am ready to gag but I keep going. I take breaks and go at it again. I don't stop. I am always trying to please him and go farther than the last time.How can I get him to do the work now that he is used to not doing much to get me off? I like foreplay and all that stuff leading up to it. But I don't know if I feel emotionally vulnerable enough to do that with him. I feel like I have a wall up with him. Maybe someone can give me some advice here?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2020): Try getting on the edge of the bed with him kneeling on the floor. He can go an hour like that. Maybe have a yoga mat for his knees. Spread them legs, he'll get deeper.
Shave your kitty.
69.
Incorporate a vibrator or a penis ring. He'll figure that out.
Take short breaks.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2020): You seem to have a few problems but I'll just address the headline. Tell him to take short breaks by kissing your thighs, then go back to the prize, do that several times,it somehow teases your O. When you are just about cum have him go back to a thigh. Have him do that 10x. Spell this out beforehand. The thigh play will also give him a break. If you have him in a headlock, spread your legs more. The headlock impairs your lovers breathing. Also tell him to spell your name, his name or any name he can think of and dot the I's.
Maybe you can think of some fantasy during, like sex on the beach or maybe with a movie star crush.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (17 October 2020):
 You write "he feels it reflects on him, and his sexual skills," and "How to turn it around is the question?"
Alright, that is exactly the point here, the #1 sexual skill is listening. He needs to start practicing that skill. Be prepared to hear how tired his ears are. When he just "plows on" push him out and tell him he isn't listening again, and he isn't going to be a skillful lover until he learns to use his ears.
Orgasms happen between your ears not between your legs. He is not stimulating your most important sexual organ. You understand how important it is to him to feel successful. he needs to put the same kind of work into your O that you are into his ego. And, BTW, when he masters the listening skill his ego will be over the top. You aren't taking something away from him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 October 2020):
 Be honest with him and tell him you have stopped faking.
IF he doesn't know you all of a sudden take longer, he might think there is something wrong.
And TBH, expecting him to keep going until you come every time is a little unrealistic, especially if you don't come every time. MEN on the other hand more often than not climax, women are different.
Maybe he can take little "breaks" and use his fingers? Show him how you like it?
You can have him give you oral but not foreplay?
"I like foreplay and all that stuff leading up to it. But I don't know if I feel emotionally vulnerable enough to do that with him. I feel like I have a wall up with him."
Don't you feel getting oral is WAY more intimate than foreplay?
Also, figure out how to talk to him about this. IF you can HAVE sex, you should be able to TALK about sex with him.
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