A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend gets annoyed with my questions. He says I ask a lot of questions but I think it's a way to keep up with a conversation. He says there's Different ways to communicate without asking. We are in a long distance relationship this really worries me because I'm not really a talkertive, so I become more speechless. What can I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2020): Hi,
To begin with don’t let your boyfriend’s irritability dent your confidence.
What questions are you asking and what conversations are you having, and if he says there are other ways to communicate is he saying what these are and putting the effort in to do them ?
Think about the questions that you are asking your bf, maybe even write them down and then think about other ways you can converse with him to make conversations not just question and answer.
For example...”hi what are you doing” often gets a short nothing answer like “nothing much” so you then have to ask more questions. Instead try “Hi, tell me about your day”
Also think about what conversation your bf starts, it’s ok for him to criticise you but is he actually making conversation or just not engaging. Think about the times of day you chat and what each other are doing, if your both busy it won’t work.
Once you have thought about these things if conversation doesn’t improve maybe you guys just don’t click or the long term thing is not working ?
Hope this helps a little xxx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2020): I see where he's coming from to be honest.
Not being an overly chatty person myself, I also get annoyed with people firing questions. Another thing that grates me, and may well your boyfriend also, is lots of phone calls/txts.
He may well just want a break from picking up his phone all the time. I understand you're long distance but i'm afraid it's not suited to everybody.
How long have you been long distance for? Are there plans to correct that issue anytime soon?
He sounds like he much prefers actual company rather than a phone call which I very much understand and relate to.
Unfortunately, I think the only way to try to ease up on the questions is to take a back seat with the communication. Leave it at 'how's your day been?' and see where that takes you. If the conversation dries up then so be it.
If you find then that you're struggling to keep a discussion going then maybe just have a frank talk with him about the possibility of you both drifting apart.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (26 June 2020):
 OP: Honey, What does paranoid mean?
BF: Paranoid is when you have 2 noids close together.
OP: Okay, ao what's a noid?
BF: It's what I get when you ask so many questions.
JK
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2020): Asking a lot of questions is not really creating conversation; it's seeking answers about things you don't know. It could also be an indication that you're in distress; because you're feeling insecure whether he still cares, or if he is remaining faithful to you. I would feel the same-way, maybe not for the same reasons; but missing someone terribly would make you do that.
If you had a relationship that you could actually spend time together, conversation would spontaneously spring out of nowhere. You'd have an equal exchange of ideas, opinions, and you'd discuss a variety of topics of mutual-interest. Question after question becomes annoying. You'll start to feel like you're being interrogated; and it's usually a sign that someone doesn't trust you, or they're trying to keep tabs on you. It may not be your intention, but place yourself on the receiving-end; and you may understand from his point of view.
Distance is a strain if you have no particular time-frame established for when you'll be together. A relationship doesn't feel satisfying when you're conducting it mostly between two devices. The five natural senses demand satisfaction! If it's a romance, they need to be pacified. That explains your discomfort and feeling somewhat isolated or detached. You need closeness, warmth, and his in-person presence to give you comfort and companionship. It's a natural human-instinct. I'm not admonishing you for it; because I would probably do the same thing when so much time has passed; and if the other person on the other end doesn't seem too responsive. He may not initiate conversation, offer you short answers, or he may not check on you as often as he should. Then consider whether you're wasting your time.
If the relationship has been dragging on and on; and you don't see each-other more often then a few vacations, or only a few times a year. You'll start to labor to keep his attention; or you'll become insecure whether he's still holding-on, and you'll worry if he's going to give-up unexpectedly. It's a natural response, no matter how well-established a relationship is; that's what distance will do to any relationship over time.
If you feel his annoyance isn't just because of your questions...depending on what you're asking; then consider if it is worth continuing a relationship where your partner gets annoyed with you when you're just trying to maintain communication until you can be together.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (26 June 2020):
 How Long have you been in a LDR with your boyfriend?. How often do you meet up and spend time together.
I assume that being in a LDR you guy's don't see each other very often. So you would think that he would be happy to hear from you, and have a conversation with you. Instead he get annoyed with you question.
I assume you are just asking general questions about his day, how was work, what you doing at the weekend etc.
He is coming across as rather purile in getting annoyed with your questions. Rather like when my son was younger and i asked him what he did at school today, and invariably his answer would be nothing, or can't remember.
I agree with Honeypie, why are you in an LDR. And why don't you look for someone closer to home who you can have a proper conversation with.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 June 2020):
 Why are you in a LDR? Why not look for someone you can actually spend time with IN person?
As far as asking question, I think it's normal to be curious, but there are questions like how was your day, how is your family, what is your favorite movie and questions like who did you talk to today, who is this or that person in the picture you posted online... etc.
Having a conversation is usually a bit of give and take, you tell him something about YOUR day, you listen to him tell him about his, you don't HAVE to ask questions to have a conversation but it IS a way to get to know more about the other person in general. It can be a little hard to keep the conversation going if you can't ask questions at all. You can only talk about the weather so much.
If he doesn't like you asking questions, is that because you ask questions HE doesn't want to answer? Or because it feels like an "interrogation" rather than a conversation?
Again, WHY have a LDR? How long have you known him? Do you guys get to meet up in person?
LDR often don't work out BECAUSE of the distance. Because people want to spend time with a partner IN person.
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