A
female
age
30-35,
*ulu31
writes:Hey Cupid’s,I need some advice at the min about feeling stuck in a bit of a rut. I moved to London in October and haven’t really made any friends yet, especially now during lockdown! I am really struggling with feeling lonely, and what’s worse is I’m leaving my job at the end of July in marketing because of the virus. Everything seems to just not be working out for me; but I was determined to move to London to follow my dreams and work here. I feel like it’s swallowing me up and is spitting me out again. Thankfully, I live in a pretty nice house which is cheap. The housemates are fairly lovely but they all have known each other for years and never ask me to do anything, go out etc. I miss my friends and family a lot and they’re all back home. Sometimes I wonder about moving back and cutting my losses, but my job in marketing is very niche and it’s unlikely I’ll be happy in my job - which comes first to me at the min. I love the pace of london, I love everything about the city itself. But right now I feel so so alone. I used to meet lovely people on meet up groups etc, but since lockdown that had all stopped. I don’t know if I should tell my housemates I feel a bit left out but don’t want to cause issues at all and I don’t want it to seem like we’re in high school! I’m really worried That by the end of July, I’ll not have found a job and I’ll just be completely alone here. And for what? I’ve never felt so close to giving up my lifelong dream. But right now I really need some guidance. Thanks so so much in advance!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2020): Start looking for another job right away, hopefully you will be able to find something fairly quickly. One good thing about your situation right now is that you’re mobile. You don’t necessarily need to stay in London to look for a new job, you could try other cities in the uk or even abroad. Others who have mortgages etc will find it much harder to relocate to good work opportunities. I know it can be difficult to make friends in a new place. You could try joining a tennis club or walking group, or volunteer with a charity. There are also online meet-up groups. I’ve been chatting to my neighbours for company and I’ve been doing zoom calls with friends around the country. If you do end up going back to your family, it’s not quitting, there is nothing stopping you from coming back to London again once you’ve found a new job. Fortunately London does seem to be opening back up for business again now so I don’t think it will be too long before a new normal resumes. Just to let you know as well that your situation is going to be very common right now. So many people have lost their jobs, so many people struggle to make friends in a new city, you are not alone in that.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (27 June 2020):
 Are you going to roll over every time there is bump in the road? Or, are you going to find ways to get back up and GO for what you want?
It's not like the Covid situation is the norm. Hopefully it won't be ever again. But there will ALWAYS be something to knock people on their butts.
So you can't work in your chosen field RIGHT NOW, which means you need to look for a job to pay your bills RIGHT NOW. I don't know about the UK but over here (the US) and I know, in Denmark too, things are slowly opening up and moving forward. This too will come to an end.
You can't give up if you HAVE the opportunity to keep trying. Which means if you CAN find a job so you can pay your expenses, so you can keep looking and hopefully get a second go at your dream job.
As for friends and socializing, I know that for many this lock-down time thing is hard. That too will come to an end. Video call family and friends back home. If you can look to do some online classes perhaps to improve your resume and your chances at that job you have dreamt of.
And this is the BEST time to learn self-reliance. It might feel lonely, but you can do it. Set some goals and go for them. Once things open up again, you can work on the social aspect of your life.
I may not be full of sunshine and unicorn farts 24/7 but one thing I have ALWAYS tried to do, is look for the silver linings and work with what I got.
If you can't make ends meet and "wait out" the lock down, maybe your only real option is to go home and try again when things are back to a more "normal" pace. That isn't defeat, that is a setback. It happens in life too.
You house mates are JUST people you share a house with. They don't OWE you friendship. While it could be super convenient for you to make friends when you all live together, doesn't mean it will happen. And do YOU ever initiate something? Like a board game night for all the housemates? Or something else? If you sit on your butt and WAIT for them to include you, they might think you don't really WANT to be included.
You want something, you GO for it to the best of YOUR abilities.
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