A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend who has two kids with two different women is very charming and affectionate. I accepted the fact of his past (which is no easy for women). However, now I am finding that he write fantasies with my zumba instructor. I stopped going to zumba because other staff. Yet, I found out that now he is going to zumba classes (which he havent attended before this instructor).I found notes on his cell phone with sexual desires towards her. It makes me feel unconfortable since I know her and I dont know with how many other people I know he fantasizes.Any suggestions if this is behaviour is appropiate? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2012): thanks so much.. i really appreciate your input
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2012): Yes, it is inappropriate. And his saying that "every guy fantasizes" is just ignorant. How can he possibly know what goes through every guy's head? Sure, everyone glances at attractive people here and there, but some people leave it at that. They can look at and appreciate beauty without feeling the need to go home and fantasize/masturbate over the image of that person later. Besides, this isn't just a fantasy. He is actually trying to get her attention by joining her class, when he should be avoiding this woman and trying to forget she exists. Instead he is feeding his lust for her by intentionally seeing her on a regular basis.
Leave him before he can leave you. Because even if he doesn't succeed in getting her attention, he will still want her until he finds a new woman to fantasize about. Then he will pursue that woman, and it's only a matter of time before he makes his fantasies a reality.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (16 April 2012):
 One thing is having a fantasy (which is OK) but for him to join her class ans keep that up, is imho not OK. He isn't just fantasizing, he is pursuing her.
I'd tell him buh bye!
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (16 April 2012):
 NO, it emphatically is NOT okay.
Best thing you can do is to consider him now to be your EX-boyfriend!
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (16 April 2012):
 His behaviour is definitely NOT appropriate. He isn't just fantasizing. He's actively pursuing other women and obviously he's not that worried about hiding it from you.
There is nothing to fix or work out here. You're better off just leaving him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2012): thanks for the answer.He did not know I will be checking his cell phone, thoughHe wrote sexual fantazies about the instructor thinking that I wont see them. I confronted him and he said that every males fantasizes and those who deny this fact are lying.I am very confused. He has this big baggage behind him. I am in love with him. He is sweet with me and affectionate but also a bit possessive but I think he is like that with any girlfriend he had.This is no normal right? I would love to hear a male perspective as well.. please!
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (15 April 2012):
 He is way out of line here. It's one thing to fantasise about someone but to then start injecting yourself into that person's orbit and write stuff down about it is not ok. He is totally disrepecting your relationship by doing this.
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