A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid,My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years, like every couple weve had our ups and downs but love each other greatly. We were living together and decided to not renew our lease because we wanted to buy a house together so we each moved back to our families home and decided to save for our dream home. We went on vacation not to long ago, and we always play the people watching game, where we make comments about other women/men well my BF was being more explicit about his thoughts that ever before, he started to make me feel jealous and it became annoying. The next day I spoke to him about it and he got so upset and yelled, I cant be myself with you. I told him that's not true its just that your comments were starting to make me feel jealous. He said well I dont ever want to people watch with you again. Hes the type of person that keeps his feelings in and then processes them weeks later. So we saw each other normal had a great time the next week and then the following week we made plans to hang out and he came over, I was super excited to see him we were texting normal all week, everthing seemed normal. But I saw him he said we had to talk and he dumped me, his reasons were that he felt like he couldnt be himself with me. I told him I love who you are, I just dont like certain things you do but he was very adamant. He basically said I'm not the type of person he wanted to own a house with let alone have children with. I loved the person he his but when he did things I didnt like I was vocal about it. I'm so devastated because I'm fully grown woman and he just dumped me and this life i thought we were going to have in the trash like it was nothing.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2019): All done very quickly, was living together in a space of two years. Why did you not move in together with relatives to save for the house?
Sorry but it seems he got a taste of freedom and your relationship suffocated him
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2019): It's astonishing how people won't get married; but they intertwine their credit, debt, and income; and try to have faux-marriages. If their partner won't show an interest in marriage; then you might try getting them to co-sign on credit, go into debt together, and have kids!
Then he can't getaway?!! Oh, but he can!
He keeps his feelings in??? Maybe that is because he knew if he told you what's really on his mind you wouldn't like it! I suspect that what you want and what he wants are two entirely different things! It doesn't take a full-grown man in his 30's weeks to process anything. It's called shutting-down, or putting up a wall to avoid confrontation; or to evade any discussion of matters you don't wish to talk about. You had it all planned-out. He wasn't entirely sold on it, my dear!
He may have pretended he was going along with all that; but that fight gave him just what he needed. An excuse to run for the hills! You truly think he dumped you for the reason he gave?
Let me interpret what he really meant. He can't be a husband or a father with YOU! So now he's off the hook! He's smarter than you may have taken him for!
If he's not married to you, he can dump you, stop paying the loans, and leave you with debt and kids. You will have little to no legal-recourse, but child-support...if you can find him!
He doesn't want to pretend to be married; and you'll likely insist he act like a husband. Especially, if you both end-up sharing debt, a mortgage, children, and your incomes.
You want a husband; but he is a boyfriend. Different rules apply! If he likes girl-watching; there's not much you can do about that. If he has eyes that can see, he will look at women. He was playing a game; but he was also hinting to you that he misses his freedom. Seeing other women!
I think he did you a favor. Now you can seek what you really want. A husband, a real marriage, a house, and a family! With a man truly committed to you. If that's what you want; go for it! Don't try to transform unwilling boyfriends into husbands on the sly, by tying him up with a mortgage and kids.
Nothing made him happier than when you both moved home with your parents; and that gave him a taste of his freedom and an exit-strategy!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2019): You played the game of people watching and when he opened up you shut him down with jealousy. You was vocal about things you didnt like about him meaning you wanted him to change.
He had a good think and decided your relationship had run its course because he doesn't feel co.comfortable around you.
Leave him be, give him the time to think through his decision, have you heard of the 30 day contact rule? Look it up it's for your benefit as well as his, you need to process your relationship as well
Sorry but reading between the lines and going deeper it was more than just the people watching incident
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (21 May 2019):
 I realize that this had to hurt OP. I'm sure it wasn't what you were wanting or expecting to hear BUT...long term he has done you a favor. What if you had married him? You are who you are and shouldn't have to change. He couldn't accept things about you so he ended things. This is just one of those relationships that you weren't suited for each other long term. Grieve and then dust yourself up and move on. Obviously this man wasn't the "one". At least he had the courage to tell you rather than keep stringing you along. HUGS You'll be ok sweetie..hang in there
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 May 2019):
 So it took him 2 years to decide you weren't the one he wanted to build a future with. IT happens. Some take 6 months, some 6 years to figure that out.
ACCEPT it for what it is.
He didn't like being called out. No one does. But his way of handling was to shut down and shut YOU down too. He didn't like that you didn't think he was "perfect".
MAYBE it's better that you found out now, rather than AFTER you bought a house or had a kid with him.
Brush yourself off. Just because this ONE guy didn't work out doesn't mean that you won't find one that does.
Chin up.
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A
female
reader, ConfusedCarrie84  +, writes (21 May 2019):
What a mean thing to say "He basically said I'm not the type of person he wanted to own a house with let alone have children with."
He didn't handle your feedback well when it came to sharing explicit thoughts about other people. That wasn't appropriate and I'm sure if you'd said the same, he would've been upset. If he can't be mature enough to communicate an issue then things could have become much more difficult down the line.
He wanted to hurt you by saying he wouldn't have kids with someone like you and that isn't a man in my opinion.
I think you've dodged a bullet with this guy. I know it may hurt now but very soon you'll see this I'm sure.
Stay strong xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2019): As soon as you both went into different homes .. that was the making of the end. This people watching thing .. who sexy etc ooh no I wouldn't do that . That asking for trouble . Of course people will look at others but if your encouraging it, it's like a pass to something else . I would let him go . There plenty of more guys . Don't give them this power . Don't bend over to keep someone it never works
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