A
female
age
41-50,
*ant to be happier!
writes:How can I regain my self confidence be the confidence exuberant individual I once used to be? My boyfriend dumped me because he met someone else, not only has he cheated on me, but his reasons for wanting find someone else is because he thinks i'm a failure!I left ran away from home a year ago, as i was being forced into an arranged marriage. It took alot of courage for me to leave home. I'm a qualified Solicitor by profession, I lost my job Jan 07 because the stress of leaving home, essentially tearing the family apart was getting to me. This impinged on my work. In addition to this my 'so called boyfriend' was playing mind games with me, we kept breaking up and then he would change his mind and get back with me. I felt used, but I allowed this to happen because i was very vulnerable and 'needed'some love in my life. I guess i needed someone to depend on.His games continued for over a year, i'm now working as a temp and have naturally encountered financial difficulties because of the drop in salary.He has now met someone else who he claims is not a failure like me, he advised that I go home to my parents because so far all i've achieved is to become a temp, crippled by debt and used as a doormat.I'm so wounded by his words, i feel really hurt considering i stood by him when he was going through difficulties in his life. He's an alcoholic, although he's been sober for 3 months now, at his worst I never once looked down on him,when he wouldbe feeling suicidal and loathed himself for being a drunk!I tried to see past his flaws and not judge him for having a condition. The thought of leaving him when he needed me the most never occured to me. He's left me feeling completely worthless, I feel so ugly and insecure.I don't know if I'll ever be the confident, happy woman I was a year ago, before he came into my life. He has really made me doubt my abilities and my expectations of a relationship.I don't know how i'm going to bulid my life again, i really do feel like a failure now.After all i've done for him, he calls me a failure, its like a slap in the face. How can i get over this pain, as nothing in my life is going well at the moment?
View related questions:
alcoholic, cheated on me, confidence, debt, drunk, insecure, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Want to be happier! +, writes (11 July 2007):
Want to be happier! is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi LauraE,
Hope your well?
I'm back to sqaure one today, saw my ex out last night with his new girlfriend, he looked so happy, although i do want him to be happy. I can't help feeling utterly despondent, its nto fair that he's found love so soon, whislt feeling so lonely...going to be feeling sorry for myself today, hope it doesn't last long!
The Universe has to bring me luck soon!
A
female
reader, LauraE +, writes (11 July 2007):
Hi Aagain,
That's great, gald to have been a bit of help. Keep smiling!
Laura
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (10 July 2007):
 Wow! I love the happy endings! Great advice LauraE!
...............................
A
female
reader, Want to be happier! +, writes (10 July 2007):
Want to be happier! is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much Laura for your reply, you've really made me smile....
I will get over him and one day he'll be sorry he let me go!
Thanks again, i've started going to the gym, will be feeling gorgeous in no time.
...............................
A
female
reader, LauraE +, writes (10 July 2007):
Hi,
Poor you, you have had a hard time of late haven’t you?
Well, what can we say about this waste of space that you had the misfortune to get involved with? He really is a very unpleasant, selfish man isn’t he?. Let me tell you that anyone that comes out with such nasty stuff when they break up with someone is feeling very guilty and is trying to find any excuse to cast blame on the other person. They are also both spiteful and inadequate. They would have to be to feel the need to kick someone when they are down. No decent person would behave so cruelly to someone that had been as supportive as you have been. Please, please stop thinking about what he said. He was being nasty. His opinions are worthless.
You have been used by a parasite, and you have had one hell of a lucky escape. If your career had not suffered, he might still be around. He might have been around for years. That’s something to send a cold shiver down your spine isn’t it? So the one big positive in your life at the moment is that he is no longer around to make you feel bad. Yes, you are feeling bad, but he is not there to add to it.
You said it yourself, you used to be happy and confident. So you can be again, because you know that how you are feeling at the moment is not the normal you.
As you ran away from home, I guess that you can’t get support from your family? Maybe from some part of your family? If not, have you got friends that you can talk to? A lot of getting through this will be time, but if you can see friends, do some things that you enjoy, you will start to get your confidence back more quickly. At the moment it is hard to see daylight because you are feeling so bad, but believe me, the daylight is still there.
Sometimes, when you are overwhelmed by how much has gone wrong, it’s difficult to make a making things better because it all seems too much. Maybe you could pick one thing every day that you could do to make life seem better, more enjoyable. Doesn’t have to be a big thing. If you’ve let your home get in a mess, tidy a bit each day. Start a book you have been meaning to read. Paint your toe nails. Get out in the fresh air for a heart-pumping walk. Any silly thing that makes you feel clever, fitter, prettier. Do your best to enjoy your job, even though it’s not what you should be doing. If your colleagues and boss value you, that’s always a confidence boost.
This has been a long reply, but I really wanted to help you because I am so sorry for your situation. I wish you all the very best. When you find the man that deserves you, you will laugh about your narrow escape. Good luck.
...............................
|
