A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I didn't know my boyfriend drank a few glasses of wine every day until we moved in together.He started getting me a glass when I come home from work and gradually we got into the habit of at least 3 or 4 glasses per day but more for him.I feel as if our lives revolve around our drinking and I don't like it but how can I tell him I want to stop when I've been drinking along with him for the past year and practically have adopted his habit?
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (10 January 2012):
 First of all, that's good that you're wanting to scale back on drinking! I wouldn't feel bad about having drunk with him every night, because like any health change, it will involve your stopping something you used to do.
I noticed the title says "how can I tell him to stop", but your post only mentions worrying about telling him YOU're going to stop. I'll address both questions in case you wrote the title to this.
1. Telling him to stop: Quite simply, you don't. You explain that you feel you need a health change, so you're going to cut out drinking. You can ask him not to offer you anything, but best thing you can do is hope that your health and energy boost will inspire him to join you. Be prepared for him to not stop, and you'll have to decide whether or not you are okay with that. Again, you can't tell him to stop...only hope that your example may inspire him, and don't judge him if he doesn't.
2. Telling him YOU want to stop: Just bare your heart about the matter, that you're feeling like you need to do it for yourself. You don't have to preach to him, simply tell him that you need to do it for your own health.
One thought -- if drinking together was a bonding thing, there's nothing wrong with you pouring something non-alcoholic into a glass and enjoying the motions of drinking with him. He can drink wine, and you can drink sparkling grape juice, cranberry juice, or something good and healthy. That way, you both can still be together, but you'll have a "placebo" which fits your need to make a healthy change with his love of unwinding with you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2012): OP you don't mention any negative consequences to this habit of his. All I see is someone who wants to stop that wants their partner to stop too without any good reason. I don't see the problem unless you want to expand on why you think he should stop. Some people like to have a few glasses to unwind after a meal etc. Many parts of Europe and other cultures it's actually quite a normal thing. I don't see why he should to be honest.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (10 January 2012):
 I think you just need to tell him more from your point of view rather than making it seem like you are forcing him to stop drinking.
Tell him you want to cut down the amount you drink because you feel it is unhealthy and you want to get fit rather than boozing every night. See what he says to this - he might suddenly realise when you stop drinking just how much he drinks himself and that he wants to cut back too.
Explain that you dont want to go cold turkey and you are happy to have a couple of glasses every now and then, but you want a few nights a week where you dont drink to give your body a rest.
Even if you stop on your own and he doesnt join you at the start, I'm sure drinking alone wont be much fun for him and you might find he cuts down alone.
You have to want to stop drinking yourself, so you have made your own personal first steps towards cutting down - so proceed as you want. It is your body at the end of the day so he cant be annoyed or upset with you for making this change, you are putting your health first and there is nothing wrong with it. Fingers crossed he will see you cutting down and realise he should too - but he has to make that choice himself rather than you forcing him into it.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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