A
female
age
41-50,
*eme1982
writes:Hello so i have a question i have been with my highschool sweet heart for 20 years things have not been good lately i have tried talking to him about how im feeling and maybe how we can fix our relationship but he says everything is fine with him his only problem is we dont have sex enough. But my problem is i have not been happy for a while but im trying to make it work,we dont go on dates we dont do anything he gets angry when i dont give him sex which irritates me.so my qhestion is he just recieve a fake pussy in the mail and im upset because obviously he vould care less about improving our relationship he just wants to please himself.am i wrong for being upset.please help Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Eagle'sfan1986 +, writes (22 November 2016):
You need to say adios and leave you douche bag of a bf. You don't need to be with a guy who makes you unhappy. Cancel credit cards that you two have with one another. And move all assets to your account. Gather up your clothes and other items that means alot to you. And move out if you are living with him. Don't give him the benefit of the doubt that he will change. He is being a selfish prick and you deserve better than him sweetie.
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (22 November 2016):
 You’re both in a sink hole, not a rut! A loving good man doesn’t buy or need to buy fake plastic when his needs are being fulfilled. Likewise you don’t withhold sex expecting a man to be happy without it (sex) because you’ve not been happy for a while.
He bought this piece of plastic for a reason which is obvious given the lack of sex, his hopeless feelings, lack of effort, and stubbornness to improve relations. Some Men don’t do/need the fluffy important romance as such as we do, yet they still need a connection to us. Even though it’s adding insult to injury; he still opted for plastic, not the flesh of another woman! So he’s still at home where you can try to make it work.
Firstly if he’s worth you trying, you need him to get rid of that plastic twat if he ever wants intimacy with you again. You on the other hand need to sort out your feelings of unhappiness and or health issues if any; don’t be blaming him 100%. Never rely on a partner for your complete happiness.
When that’s done; then speak up with what it is you want happen between you two. Own what it is you want, spell it over his dimwitted head, negotiate compromise resolve issues and let him know the rewards are sweet. Later or if he doesn’t comply after some time, a little firm nudging of the consequences will be needed.
Take Care – CAA
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 November 2016):
 Communication seems to have broke down in the relationship. He is not making an effort romantically and you are not sexually. My guess is that you don't want sex if you are unhappy with someone. Twenty years is such a long time and you have both got stuck in a rut. He is acting like a child getting that in the post, but I guess it is no different to women with dildos. He is spitting his dummy just.
You both need to sit down and talk. If you cannot talk to each other without arguing then seek therapy. You both need to make more off an effort for things to work. You both need to plan dates and be romantic. You both need to want it to work.
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A
female
reader, Eagle'sfan1986 +, writes (21 November 2016):
I didn't get to say that much but to point out that aunty bIm bI'm is right about what she wrote and also wise owl and n91 also. You don't need a man like your high school sweetheart who doesn't listen to you and your feelings at all. I know you want to settle down and get marry but if you don't leave your douche bf whom you been with since 20 years then you won't be able to find Mr. Right down the corner of your way.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (20 November 2016):
It is hard to give you specific advise about the problems in the relationship because you have not mentioned them, or explain the reasons that has led to where you are now.
Communication can be difficult when you want to convey issues. For example, in your post, you never mentioned why you are unhappy. You mostly mentioned that you had a right to be angry because he did "xyz".
Firstly, think about what is making you unhappy. Then, think about what he can do to make you happy. Don't just say "I am unhappy". Or don't say "care about me more". This isn't a mind reading contest. Then, tell him specifically the things he can do to to make the relationship work to make you happy.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 November 2016):
 WiseOwlE, maybe OP doesn't believe in marriage ?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2016): Twenty years and that SOB has never proposed to you? Girl, what the hell is wrong with you?
If he's living with you, maybe it's time for different arrangements. You, the house, the furnishings, minus douche-bag!
You've given this jerk 20 years? TWENTY YEARS???!!! It better have been well worth it. Wish I could take you out myself and have a talk with you. Maybe talk some sense into you.
Girlfriend, seriously?!!
Please explain why you've devoted 20 years of your life to a man who doesn't want to marry you? He doesn't deserve any sex. Let him play with his stupid rubber pussy.
Kick him out, or move out! BLOCK AND DELETE!!! No contact, get a restraining order if he doesn't stay away.
Boy, whatever explanation you can muster-up for being with him this long (and you're basically a common-law marriage) will be a doozie! WTF??? Don't be offended by the language, I'm on your side 100%!!! You've been with this guy way too long! For their sake, I hope there are no kids in the middle of this!
All high school sweetheart situations don't lead to love everlasting. It's usually the female in the relationship hanging on to it like a keep-sake. This relationship is long past it's expiration-date.
An artificial vagina?!!! Twenty years of devotion to a man who doesn't want to make you his wife? I know you're no angel and you're not perfect, but you should be sainted for being so loyal!
I agree with Aunty BimBim.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 November 2016):
So he is playing tit for tat, hoping that buying his "fake pussy" will make you so jealous you will instantly give in, to what HE wants.
He doesn't want more sex from you because he loves you and cares about you - but because sex is nice. It makes HIM feel good.
YES your BF is selfish. You are just fluff. Build in maid, cleaning lady, cook, maybe the nanny, financial contributor, and penis holder.
He is content with status quo (but he would like more sex) but he doesn't WANT to put in the effort (like dates and going out) to make YOU happy which in turn COULD lead to more sex. It makes no sense to me. But if I am to venture a guess? I think he is pretty certain you won't leave him, and HE had his "fake pussy" now so he doesn't have to give a SHIT about your needs. HIS are met.
So if you can NOT come across to him that YOU have needs too, that compromises and meeting each other halfways might help BOTH of you getting your needs met.
I can DEFINITELY see why you aren't into sex with him. But I'd never use sex as a bargaining tool. I don't think you ARE withholding sex because he isn't taking you out or being considerate, but I DO think that is how he sees it. So his response to the lack of sex or decline in sex is twofold, 1. punish you by NOT doing what you want and 2. buying a "fake pussy" - NEITHER solution is helping EITHER of you.
TALK to him. And think about WHY you are not wanting sex these days. EXPLAIN that to him. ASK him WHY he doesn't want to do date-night with you. LISTEN to him.
If you two can properly communicate, you can't fix stuff. Things will break down into PETTY him VERSUS you till one of you throw in the towel and leaves. Figure out WHAT you want and then find a way WITH him to achieve it.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (19 November 2016):
 You don't want to have sex, he doesn't want to go on dates. Sounds fair to me.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (19 November 2016):
 He sounds very, very selfish. As auntybimbim said he's got no interest whatsoever in trying to improve the relationship so you'd be best off kicking his lazy ass out the door.
You'll find someone who won't give you this stress.
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A
female
reader, Eagle'sfan1986 +, writes (19 November 2016):
I agree with aunt blim BlIm. Since you are unhappy because the relationship is becoming stale sweetie. All he wants from you is sex. He doesn't want to go out at all or do anything with you like go out on dates. I will say adios to him and his fake pussy that he got in the mail. A man like him is completely selfish in that category. You don't need a man like that at all.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (19 November 2016):
 Sounds like its time to move on and leave him with his fake pussy.
He obviously isnt interested in fixing the relationship or even giving you the time of day. Do you live together? If you do you might need to develop an "exit plan" start getting some money together for yourself, slowly remove everything of yours in the house that means something and take to a good friend's or a family members home for safe keeping, get your personal papers, remove any money from joint accounts, stop shopping for the two of you, only buy what is absolutely necessary and stash the rest away. Look for somewhere else to live and when you preparations are complete move out.
If you DONT live together it will be a lot easier, simply tell him you hope he and his fake vagina are happy together and remove yourself from his life. Go no contact for as long as necessary.
You deserve more than this, so go get it!
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