A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello,For the last 5:6 years, I met this guy on a dating website. We were in and out of talk for this time. We would have times we would talk and then not talk for months and talk again. We have so much in common and we both really want to meet each other.However, due to my university and him being in the army, it's very hard. His been in Kenya for a year.. so you can see how hard it is. I know this is cliche but he is so different to all other guys. He is so nice, attractive and we have so much chemistry. We have recently started talking again and he always says cute stuff like he can't wait to see me when he gets back but then he will go cold and not reply for days when his been online? What do I do? Is it worth persuing?
View related questions:
university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 November 2016):
 If he wanted to yes he would have found a way after six years. I think you are a pen pal to him. Him going cold is a big red flag it shows that he is not being serious about you. I know you think you have chemistry but sweetie it is impossible to know this from a computer screen. You need to spend time with someone face to face to see if there is chemistry or not. I understand after all this time you will have grown close to him, but the best thing you can do is tell yourself it is nothing more than a pen pal and don't put your life on hold for him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2016): Im going to say something you wont want to hear but if keeps going cold then hes keeping you as a 'back up ' . ive been in a very similar situation he would talk the talk then go cold stop talking then suddenly talk to me as tho he hasnt done anything wrong i gave him more than his fair share of chances . it didnt end well Ive moved on and im happy . If someone claims to like you so much they will find a way to spend time with you . Cold feet and cancelling is the sign of a time waster . Move on to someone who really wants to be with you , not keep you hanging for a dream that wont ever come true.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 November 2016):
 I agree with N61, where there is a will, there is a way.
Have you Facetimed or Skyped with this guy at all? Or has it been just texting?
Being in the Army (no matter the country) doesn't mean you are on duty 24/7 and never get any time off. So in these 5-6 years... He has had PLENTY of time off - time where he COULD have come see you.
I get that if he is in Kenya training for a year that he MIGHT not get to go back to the UK during that year, but that should also give him some SERIOUS time off when the year was over. (I'd guess based on how the US and DK do deployments)
Honestly? I'd let him know that you find the interactions with him very great and stimulating but that you aren't looking for a pen-pal but something way more serious and IN person. That as GREAT as you feel he is you are letting him go because it can't be very fulfilling for either of you with this 5-6 years of contact but NO meeting. then you WISH him well". and then you BLOCK him. Otherwise, he will keep making promises and keep breaking them and you will KEEP wasting your time on a guy who may not be who this guy claims to be.
He could be a woman for all you know or a guy who is MARRIED and using you for "entertainment" purposes to make himself feel better about himself or less lonely. Could be a catfish for all you know.
Sorry if NOTHING has come of this after 5-6 years... it's NOT likely to happen. Let's be realistic.
...............................
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (19 November 2016):
 If he really wanted to see you, I'm pretty sure he could of managed at least one day in the past 6 years. He likes having you around to chat to in between other girls he's meeting.
I was in the army for just under 3 years and I'll tell you now that those guys aren't differn to the rest. In fact they were the group of lads that probably treated girls the worst out of any I've ever seen. For example, having competitions to see who could sleep with the most girls in one week or how many girls they could take out in on week. Being in the army was a MAJOR pulling point for a lot of girls, just mentioning sends some weak at the knees and it seems like you've fallen for it hook, line and sinker.
Let's be realistic, he's not had one single weekend free in 6 years where he could of visited you? That's absolute bollocks isn't it if we're being honest. If he wants to meet you so much then why does he ignore you for days at a time? Doesn't really sound like he's that interested to speak to you does it?
I think at your age you need to ditch the dating sites and meet people in person who are local to you that you can actually meet up with.
...............................
|
