A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I get in arguments that I don't try hard enough in life. I'm 24, I go to school, take 18 credits, have a part time job and in my free time do things like homework, draw and watch TV. Sometimes, I get lazy. I have clinical depression and my moods can get low enough where I have a hard time doing things. I still make it to class and have A and B grades. My boyfriend says I dont try hard enough. I only try to get by. He says I should get internships and put more effort into my homework. He says he thinks I'm talented but I'll never amount to anything.Having my boyfriend think that I'll never amount to anything or ever be successful hurts. I don't know if what he's saying is trying to motivate me. He says things like "prove me wrong" but that just makes me feel worse. I just want to work on myself and my studies at my own pace, not because my boyfriend tells me to. I feel like I'm doing enough with my life and I'm scared he'll leave me soon if I don't magically become successful after I graduate. I just feel like a normal student and I want him to see that. Help!!!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (17 September 2015):
 Your bf thinks too much and says too much. You are your own person and should not feel obligated to conform to the ideals of another. Sometimes you get lazy, well don't we all. It's not like you spend your time bumming around. Your work load and juggling depression entitles you to be a little 'lazy'. He is not helping , he's hindering your ability to grow and foster a happy and health sense of self. When he talks this way he needs to know that it's not appreciated and defiantly not helpful. Stand firm and assertive that this a problem that he needs to deal with because you on the other hand are happy and content with the way in which you conduct your life and choices.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (17 September 2015):
 You don't need to prove anything to him. As a mother of a daughter suffering depression I would be very happy for you to be attending classes, good grades, managing a part time job, keeping up with your homework and having time to indulge in your hobby - drawing.
Who is this person who feels he is entitled to judge you so harshly, and, may I add, unfairly.
What's his especial claim to fame .... did he discover a cure for cancer while painting the Sistine Chapel or something equally wondrous?
Hear me now, you are already amounting to something, my concern for you is your boyfriend, he seems, from what I am reading, to be the only negative, draining influence in your life.
Tell him to either respect you as you are, or walk. I doubt he will stop his ham fisted attempts to "help" so I hope he walks.
Chin up, you are doing excellently well!
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