A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi people!Lately I'm extremely tired of my relationship with my bf of 3 years. He's lovely and great man I can say. Otherwise, we have trouble in communication, we can hardly chat well lately. Sometimes I think that he's too dumb about talking business and job things, about money etc. I thinks as a man, its very crucial to have knowledge about that. I tried so many times to help him by telling him various stories about people experience that I heard and I saw before. But he seems to ignore and don't want to know about that. He's just too stuborn. Maybe he's just trying to keep his pride in front of me? Idk.At the other hand, sometimes I feel that he's brilliant even mature more than guy in his age. We are both 22. He has good common sense, good moral and kind to people.His parents are uneducated, know nothing about business but have good moral and reputation. How can I adapt or change him or maybe make this situation better? We are on and off lately just because of it.I don't want to lose him :(
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 March 2012):
 “we have trouble in communication”
“we can hardly chat well lately”
Both of the above statements are easily fixable problems….
“sometimes I think that he’s too dumb…”
OUCH this is a bigger problem…. And I’m not sure you can fix this problem. YOU clearly think he’s not as smart as you need him to be. This is not to say he’s not as smart as YOU or not smart enough but he’s not SMART enough for YOUR NEEDS currently. You can’t change how smart he is. AND you can’t change what his interests are… not intrinsically.
“he’s just too stubborn” umm no he’s NOT. He’s made it clear that what YOU want him to be interested in is NOT what he wants to be interested in. YOU can’t make someone be something they are not.
You cannot fall in love with a person’s potential only where they are currently… love who they are and where they are right now… do not love what you WANT them to become or what you THINK they CAN become… if you can’t love them where they are you will forever be disappointed.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2012): Thanks all.. Yes ure right guys.. But I love him so much. I think I can't life without him.
Sometimes I'm just upset that he acted like he's ignoring me when I'm telling him something continuesly.
I wish that he is smarter because I need a man who can support me a good life. Its just too complicated. I'm rather down lately.
I know nobodys perfect, but if there's chance to better self, why not?
When he's telling me something about my fault I accept it and I hear every single word from him. Now seems like he's bored tired and avoiding me because he doesn't like to be advice.:(
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2012): I don't understand exactly what the problem here is. What I do feel though is that you either accept him for who he is or you leave. In my experience and from what I have seen in life, if you try to change him you will eventually lose him anyway. Take some time to think about whether you want this man, or you want him to be the man you want him to be. If it's that you want him, then stay and work on the relationship, if you want him to be the man you want him to be, then leave him and go find the man who is the one your wanting him to be. Good Luck
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (4 March 2012):
 What is it you want from your boyfriend, I've read your letter several times but I can't pin anything down. Maybe you need to make your needs clearer to your boyfriend, he may not understand what it is you want of him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2012): From the perspective of economics, wants are limited but resources are scarce and therefore opportunity cost occurs. Nothing in our life is perfect. You have chosen him as your boyfriend and therefore you should try your best to accept his weakness. But if you cannot tolerate it anymore, then there seems to be no point to continue this relationship because you are wasting your time. Life is tough, sometimes we have to make some critical decisions in our life and these decision may affect your life. Just one last thing, please don't regret no matter what happened after you made the decision.
Good luck :)
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