A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been living with my bf for 4 months now, only got 2 hugs from him cause I had to sneak them but he said I'm too needy. He says he loves me but I'm too embarrassed to ask to cuddle with him. sometimes a girl needs to be held to feel better. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 September 2017):
 Generally in a new relationship their is a lot off hugging, it doesn't sound like you are needy at all it just sounds like he is not emotionally connected in the relationship. I couldn't remain in a relationship like this. Me and my husband hug every day, it doesn't sound like you are both compatible.
A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (3 September 2017):
 I am so with what "Been there Now over it" said
I need hugs my wife needs hugs we even need to give others hugs at times in life when words don't say it for us,
AS WiseOwlE said that guy What does he need a girlfriend for? Get a blow-up doll!
Youcannotbeserious asked the right question in How is your relationship apart from this? Do you live together? Do you have sex? I would love to know how you can have sex and not hug unless you are in an LDR
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it  +, writes (3 September 2017):
I am not for forcing him into giving you hugs. If they don't come naturally they don't mean much, probably don't feel like much, and will dwindle over time. You need to evaluate this relationship...where would it go over the long term?
This is very strange...I get and give hugs to a lot of people after having become casual friends. This is only natural.
If he doesn't hand-hold and his physical contact is confined to sex, I'd dump this guy. He may have an excuse such as he grew up without an affectionate family but that is not going help you.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (2 September 2017):
 Two hugs in four months? And this is a new relationship? Wow. I really don't think it is YOU who has the problem, except perhaps to be more vocal in telling him what you want and leading by example.
How is your relationship apart from this? Do you live together? Do you have sex? If so, is he affectionate when you have sex? Some men find it hard to show true affection, looking on it as "soft" or "sissy". You need to tell him, in words he will understand, that needing affection from your partner is not NEEDY but NATURAL.
Are you two really in a relationship or does he consider you as "just a friend"?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2017): Some guys like to play tough and they're lacking in the affection department.
It has only been four months; so he's still in his probationary-period. Keep checking those boxes!
For God's sake, I hope you haven't moved-in together. People rush into that without really knowing each other; then they're stuck! If you haven't yet, don't!!!
Tell him what you were looking for in a relationship. Expecting affection from the man you've committed yourself to is not needy. It's loving and sweet.
If he likes sex; you have every right to expect a lot more than having him on top of you only when he's horny. It's sad when people need hugs and affection; and they get paired-off with someone just the opposite. I like that kind of stuff too!
Let this be a red-flag. If it doesn't get better after a talk; cool it down, and think seriously if he's worth it.
Always know you can do better, and you deserve better. You can get what you want with someone else; if he's not programmed to show affection. Some guys learn, some won't.
If they love you, they'll go out of their way to show it.
Clingy/needy, is wanting more; and never satisfied no matter how generously you receive it. That comes from insecurity, not love. I can't survive in a relationship without hugs, kisses, caresses, snuggles, foreplay, and spooning. Even my friends are affectionate and warm. As far as hugs and pecks! Appropriately, of course! I have a boyfriend.
Don't go after tough macho guys and expect them to be lovey-dovey teddy bears. You can't change people. If he grew-up in a household without warmness and affection; or a dad who thinks being a man means be cold and hard. Then that's how he was conditioned and doesn't know how to be otherwise.
Why did you make him your boyfriend? How do you overlook these things before you agree to be an exclusive item?
If you were desperate and in a hurry, this is what happens!
Lean in on him when sitting together. Wrap his arm around your shoulders. Grab his hand when walking. Continue stealing hugs and cuddles. Ask for a kiss before he leaves and when he comes home. Maybe he just needs some gentle coaching. Some guys feel embarrassed being "soft." If you want sex from me; giving affection makes it all the sweeter! No affection; then the honeypot dries-up, and the joy-stick gets locked away! I'm just saying!
If you've tried all this, and he's still resistant. Kick his boring untouchable macho-ass to the curb! What does he need a girlfriend for? Get a blow-up doll!
If you insist on keeping him. Expect nothing different.
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