A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Can anyone explain my bf's lack of ejaculation to me? For as long as we've been together (1.5 yrs now), and he says for his whole life, he ejaculates when he orgasms sometimes but not always. Sometimes when we have sex, he will ejaculate. Sometimes he does not, but his breathing speeds up, his body shudders like it would if he was going to ejaculate, and his penis becomes a little sensitive like after ejaculating but he does not produce any actual cum at all. He tells me it feels good either way :)He tells me it has always been that way, whether he is masturbating or having sex with someone else. He also says the frequency with which he masturbates has no effect on whether he ejaculates with me or not. Some weeks, he doesn't masturbate, we have sex after not seeing each other for 4-5 days, and sometimes he ejaculates and sometimes he doesn't.Despite his reassurances that this is just how he is, and that he likes what we do sex-wise, I sometimes worry that if he doesn't ejaculate, it's because I'm doing something wrong. I've mentioned this to him, and he became upset, saying he loves how I make him feel and that he feels inadequate for not being able to ejaculate each time :(I've told him not to worry about it, that as long as what we do makes him feel good, that's all that matters. I've stopped mentioning it completely to try and remove any pressure he might feel to 'perform' by ejaculating. Our sex life is still great, but the pattern continues. Last week he ejaculated lots when we had oral sex, this week he didn't ejaculate at all.Has anyone experienced this before?Should I be worried that I'm doing something wrong sexually?FYI the rest of our relationship is great :) I love him very much and feel we have a supportive, fun relationship :)Thanks for reading.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2012): hey this is normal.
I'm a guy and this happens to me sometimes. you're doing nothing wrong. just be comfortable about it - the more its made into an issue, the more you'll both worry about it.
Just for the record - sometimes when I cum, i don't ejaculate, if that makes sense? But the feeling is still good. i dont keep a masterbation diary but i dont think it has any bearing on this really for me... so maybe not for your boyfriend.
You're lucky to have each other.
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (13 October 2012):
 I think he's full of crap. The amount of masterbating definately makes a difference on how a man will perform sexually when he's with a woman. He's overusing his equipment. It's very simple. He may be telling you he hasn't masterbated lately but I'd be willing to bet he's freakishly addicted to it and it's affecting his performance when he's with you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2012): I wouldn't worry about it. Sometimes it's normal for men to have issues when they are younger with this. He could have stage fright . Its probly just him having performance issues and if you are both relaxed he will be fine. Don't point it out to him just enjoy the sex and i'm sure everything will work out. Your not doing anything wrong Im sure he finds you attractive or he wouldn't be with you. I think this is more of a nervous issue with him just be supportive. Also you could talk to a sex therapist. But if he dosen't bring the issue up first I would just be supportive and he will relax and be fine. Gd luck
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