A
female
age
22-25,
*adesom
writes:At the beginning of the relationship, we would always talk to each other message each other constantly. Until he stopped talking to me a lot. He asked me awhile back to always reply to him when I came online- so I did. Eventually he started coming online and not replying to me, or he would read my messages and not reply (even urgent ones). I asked him not to do this, and he called me controlling and said he is busy. I would understand if he was busy, but if he can chat to his best friend and if he has time to open my messages, should he not reply like I have asked?He has also developed a terrible habit of never answering my phone calls, or forgetting to phone me at his specified time because he was playing online games with his mates. He outright refuses now to even phone me anymore because it takes time away from his games. I have told him I am a priority (over his games) and I do not ask for a 5 hour call? Maybe 30 minutes every so often- I live far away from him and only see him certain weekends. It is becoming a huge issue in our relationship and just today we had another fight.I wish we could go back to talking the way we used to, where he would even send me long messages, but that is unreasonable so I just want a bit more compromise from his side. Even when I come to him for the weekend, his games take priority. In a year relationship I have watched 5 movies with him and 4 episodes of Courage the Cowardly Dog. We have been on 4 dates only- because it is what I arranged. I cannot seem to get through to him no matter how nicely I ask, no matter what he promises me, no matter if I tell him it upsets me. I do not have a problem with how fast he replies (he does take long but I cannot expect swift replies), my issue lies in that he just does not want to communicate anymore or phone me because he would rather be playing games.I am not super negative or draining, at least I hope, but his attention has been in the clouds for the last 9 months of this relationship.How do I ask for more engagement and attention from someone who hears but does not listen?
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male
reader, Indiglorex  +, writes (28 May 2019):
He's falling out of affection for you.
Just take his hints and move on. I know it's extremely hard to do, especially when you really like someone and you remember the good days like they were yesterday.
But he's not going to change. It's hard to read, but it's true.
He's just keeping you around as a backup plan. And you should never be anyone's backup plan.
Stop contacting him. Stop calling him. And if you did agree that you were in a relationship, then break it off however you'd like. If not, just ghost him in the same way he's been ghosting you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2019): If you have to tell someone that you are a priority to them then you are not a priority to them . Honestly , if I were you I would stop calling him and start calling my friends . Start investing in yourself instead of him . Go out , meet people and yes perhaps even nice local guys . Have fun . Forget about someone who sees you as annoying and find someone a little more ready for a committed relationship because it sounds like that’s what you want
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2019): I can see several reasons why things are changing between you so drastically. I'll explain them one-by-one.
(1) Let's start with your AGE. Above your post, your age-group is indicated between 18-21 years old. I will assume he is around the same age as you, give or take a year.
In your age-group, females tend to be a lot more serious and emotional about relationships. While guys take a little longer to mature in that area. In-general; guys aren't as emotionally-invested as girls in young romance. They like sex, they enjoy the making-out, and they do also enjoy having a girlfriend. However, they also like their social and physical-activities; which will also including bonding with their buddies. He gave most of his time to you in the first year of your relationship. He responded to messages quickly, hung-out, and tried to be with you as much as he probably could. LDR's start to become physically and mentally demanding over time.
For many guys his age, you know gaming is a major part of his male past-time activities; apart from sports, or the gym. If he's always on the phone with you; he neglects his friends, and has little time to do the other things he'd like to do. He gets tied-up in the game! What kind of emergencies would come-up, when he's too far away to do much about them? Lets be real! He's young, and he still wants to hang-out with the fellas and do guy-stuff. Not just hold hands and play lovey-dovey, text message, or chit-chat for hours. He's also a GUY!
(2) Next, there is a matter of DISTANCE. You indicated that you live far-away. That means both-ways he has to cover the distance by vehicle...be it train, bus, Uber, LYFT, motor-bike, or car. That's an expense. Does he also have a job, or is he still a student? When does he have time for work and study? Traveling back and forth over distance starts to become exhausting and tedious. The round-trip fare or cost of petrol might also be costly; and the ride is time-consuming.
Eventually, the novelty of a new girlfriend will wear-off; if there are miles/kilometers between you! You're not married, you're his girlfriend. It's a youthful-relationship; and guys his age don't prioritize that well! Gaming is his priority at the moment, and spending more time at home. The place where you don't usually have far to go, or have to spend money to have fun. You can just relax on the couch when you're tired, and gaming usually takes-up hours. He likes interacting with a screen; rather than cuddling in-front of one.
(3) LONG-DISTANCE ROMANCE has its drawbacks. Most of his friends and activities are closer to home. He has to make a special trip to see you. Yes he should compromise more; but his dwindling interest in phone-chat and messaging is because he's tired of the relationship that takes so much time to travel. Then he has to give-up everything else he likes to do; so he can get to you. Then get back home afterwards. Wee hours into the night, or early in the morning. The whole-time, his buddies are texting and he's thinking about his games! Maybe it's immature, but it's a guy-thing!
He's a young-guy; and your long-distance relationship is diminishing in importance to him. Fights don't help! Being sweet after you've already yelled at him doesn't fly, kiddo! It's the distance and travel that's beginning to take all the fun and enjoyment out of it. Gaming does get addictive; and for right-now, fighting and quarreling with you about your relationship just isn't on his agenda. He'd rather enjoy his games, hang with the fellas, eat junk-food, and remember he's still young and not married yet. Maybe you need to consider dating someone closer and more into romance.
Perhaps this is where it ends.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 May 2019):
 Wish him well, OP and then END it.
He is taking you for granted and he likes the IDEA of having a GF, he just doesn't want to HAVE to put in some effort and INVEST in spending time with you.
SO, WHY keep dating him? He really doesn't care.
And OP, remember this (for your next relationship) you CAN NOT conduct a relationship over messages and text. there HAS to be human interactions, such as dates. Spending time IN person together, face to face for conversations.
And maybe consider dating someone who doesn't live that far away? (next time).
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2019): Hmmm... semi-LDR. I've been in your shoes. I enjoyed every minute of the constant contact via chat, SMS, and phone.
If a guy is meant to make LDR work, I'm that guy. I'm pretty sure LDR made being together all that much more enjoyable and intense... ah... youth and hormones, our bodies felt so different back then.
So, in your case, one important ability in an LDR is the attitude of 'going with the flow'. Go with the flow.
You've spoken up. You've made your concerns known. There's just so much you can do.
Maybe you're worried that if the relationship dies further on, you'll be regretting that you did not do more, you did not do enough.
Get on with your life, get on with your own things. Just like he is. Do as much as you feel is required on your part, no more.
You can tell that the current flow of things is not going anywhere, so, when the end is here you'll already be several steps ahead and able to shrug it off as "Yup, I saw that coming, indeed."
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