A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey, my bf likes to tell his best friend (male) all the intimate details of our relationship and I need advice on how to not let this worry me. I found out from the GF of his bestfriend who is told all about what my bf says. It kinda hurts as it's not good stuff:( It used to be good, but still v intimate (like my bj techniques!) I know people need to vent frustrations to friends, but i'd never dream of telling my bestfriend how often we have sex or details about his health or finances, but that's what he does. We do talk about difficulties when they arise, but he generally has already slagged me off to his bestie by then. He doesn't know i'm aware of via the 3rd party. Yet he's recently proposed to me out of the blue on our 2nd yr anniversary...i accepted but am unsure I want to be with someone who seems to not communicate honestly with me. I guess I want to know: How can i develop a thicker skin about this?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (16 September 2013):
 IN all honesty, I talk to my girlfriends about my sex life... they don't go blabbing it to their husbands....
FRIENDS do talk to OTHER friends about their intimate life.. I know about my girlfriend's intimate lives to some extent...
But I'm not going to run home to hubby and say Bob guess what ALICE said about TED? and expect Bob to say "WHAT CAROL" because BOB still has to LOOK at TED when we double date....
I can tell my gf stuff in private and not have to say "don't tell your hubby" clearly your guy and his BFF do not have this filter in place....
to have everyone attack the boyfriend for sharing stuff with a friend when we all know that we've done it is wrong.
the problem is that the BF needs to make sure that his FRIEND knows it's in confidence.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2013): You don't need to have a thick skin for this. You need to tell him to grow up and stop talking to anyone about your intimate relationship. Those are the actions of a very immature man. They can be easily rectified. He simply needs to realize that his actions are very disrespectful and not appropriate conversation, with his buddies. If he can't do it and it continues, you might want to rethink your future with him because if he's doing this, there is probably more of the same with other aspects of his life.
Just talk to him in a non-confrontational way and be clear that you want your relationship and intimate sex life private between the two of you and you do not wish for him to share this stuff with anyone else.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (16 September 2013):
 Your "boyfriend" sounds like an immature 13-year-old.....(boasting about his sexual conquests) and you're considering MARRYING him??????
Think AT LEAST twice, about that....
Then, dump him....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A +, writes (15 September 2013):
 It appears that your boyfriend has no censorship about intimate matters and doesn’t know how this affects you with the trust you’re supposed to have!?
Simply tell him straight, that word got around from all his gossiping and slagging about you… It’s inappropriate and you don’t like every Joe Blow and or friends knowing about your personal business – details!
If there’re problems, it’s best to be sorted out between you two. If he wants to brag about your technique, take it as a compliment, but get him to tell ‘you’ about how good you are, not the rest of the world!
As for marring him, you can expect more of this behaviour before he finally realises he must stop and form a trust of confidence. When it comes to developing a thicker skin, it’s not for the sake of putting up with his behaviour; it’s more for nipping this in the bud to stop him and others from infecting your relationship.
Just imagine the both of you are going through a rough patch and he slags you down to his friend(s), so his friend suggests he find himself another girlfriend… when his friend should appropriately keep out of it and say, “go home and fix it up with your girlfriend!?”
Take Care – CAA
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2013): How would he like it if you discussed his size or his performance and "slagged you off" to ANYBODY about it?? I'm sorry but for all he knows his Bestie could mention it to others in conversation "so n so's gf does this and he doesn't like it or not sure about it", and he's ok with bad mouthing the most intimate details possible about you?? Even to his best friend... People talk, things get distorted and there's always a chance you'll find out that people have said lies and horrible things... Here he clearly really doesn't care if it gets back to you- he honestly thinks this isn't gunna come up with his friend's gf and you?? Does he care how hurtful that would be to you- the fact he's communicating these very intimate details with everyone but if he's saying bad stuff then why is he telling his friend and not you?? It's hurtful, disrespectful and an abuse of your trust... I would not stand for this a second longer. If he was a real man he'd be able to take control and show you a good time- and ensure you were having a good time, rather than whinging to his 'bestie about it' what a melt! Tell him to stick it, I'm sorry you found out what a jerk he is after a year together. And remember what one person thinks is nice others don't like so much... Life's subjective... H hasn't even got the balls to tell you himself what he likes! :/ Sorry and Take care xx
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (15 September 2013):
 You don't have to tolerate this, just tell him to stop. I don't know why you didn't the first time he did this. Venting frustrations and leaking personal details are two different things. He is not respecting the relationship and your privacy by sharing details with others. Just express your feelings about this and if he doesn't stop blabbing to others then you have to rethink the marriage.
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