A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My Boyfriend of one year previously best friends for two years, didn't get me anything for christmas last year and I'm a little confused if i should be upset or not. I've splurged a little too much on him since it was our first christmas and that his birthday is soon. (i got him concert tickets for christmas to his favourite band and a new phone for his birthday which is in a few weeks)It's the first time he's done this, he told me "oh i haven't been paid yet" so i let it pass by since i know his work is unreliable with pay (a card would've been just as nice, something to show his appreciation). However, when he told me he had been paid, he went on a shopping spree and bought a new television and ps3 for himself and was left with almost no money, just enough to get him through the week.He basically embarrassed himself when we went to a shopping centre and he was claiming "i'm going to finally get your gift today, just let me find an atm first" and when he told me about his balance, i tried to tell myself "it's the thought that counts" but he didn't even think, he just makes up excuses. I'm feel quite disrespected and unappreciated since i do so much for him i.e drive him around since he lacks a licence, motivatehim to get work since he's a "actor", when he's unemployed i support him.My Birthday is next week so I'm a bit worried how thats going to go. Am i just whinging?Do i have the right to feel like this?What should i do?Thankyou.
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (25 January 2011):
 What kind of gifts has he gotten you in the past? Is last year the first year he hasn't gotten you a great gift?
I mean if you've always been the one spoiling him with lavish, expensive gifts and say you've been getting nothing but a card or a bath set in return then I wouldn't count on him getting you anything decent. He doesn't have the money isn't a very good excuse, because when he does have the money he blows it on himself instead of looking at what he needs to pay such as bills, or anyone's birthday, holiday coming up. Does he not have any bills? How much do you support him? If you support him, then I would expect him to match your efforts as best as he could.
I say cut off the lavish gifts, he doesn't need you to support him. He can obtain a real job, if this "actor" business is unreliable and not paying the bills.
Also, I would take a look at how much you effort you put in this relationship and what you're getting in return. I'm not just talking about gifts either.
A
female
reader, sammi star  +, writes (25 January 2011):
 There's no excuse for not getting you anything for christmas. He could have at least got you a card and there are loads of things he could've done on very little money to let you know that he cares. But he doesn't care.
Have you given him the phone yet? If not then take it back and get a refund! See how he likes it when you're not spoiling him!
If he doesn't get you anything for your birthday either then have a word. Of course relationships aren't about money and flashy gifts but you have every right to be upset seeing as he feels it's acceptable for him to accept your expensive presents and not give you the same consideration.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): yeah your relationship sounds one-sided.
not good. It makes you resentful because you feel used and cheapened.
Great for him though. he reaps benefits without putting in effort.
You can't make someone else change. You can only change yourself and your own behavior. Stop doing do much for him.
Do only as much for him, as he does for you.
if he doesn't notice the slack and get motivated to put in more effort, then the relationship will be really sucky cos no one is doing anything. But that's what will make it clear cut if the relationship should end. Because the alternative of you putting way more in, like now, clearly isn't doing anything except making you feel frustrated and used.
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A
female
reader, Sweety Pie +, writes (25 January 2011):
 If he cared, he'd get you a gift. I'm pretty broke, like all the time, but when its my boyfriend/bestfriend/parents birthday I SAVE.
Or if things are really bad, its not hard to make a CD with all your favorite songs, or decorate a picture frame with a picture of you both. Or even just bake some cookies.
He's lazy. And not broke, he just bought a PS2 and TV. Any they are not cheap. He cares more about a game. I'd return the gifts you got him and get something cheaper because your going all out when he can't be bothered at all..
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