A
female
age
36-40,
*aybaby120
writes:Sometimes i dont know what to do. Things just haven't been going my way lately. Me and my boyfriend argue about the simplest things. But today he crossed the line and called me a dirty whore. There was no reaction to that reply i just turned my head away and tried so hard not to cry. He apologized and he told me that he didn't mean it and i told him that if it came out his mouth he meant it. Im tired of him making me feel so small and im tired of not being able to tell him that sometimes the things he says and does really hurts me. Everybody has been telling me that the communication between us isn't where it's suppose to be, but i dont think that's it. Someone please help me! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (22 August 2008):
Why wouldn't you tell him how hurt he makes you? Why would you try and protect him from that at the cost to yourself?
I think your arguments are obviously escalating now to the point where you are both losing control, possibly because he's trying to get you to react and the most he can get is to make you turn your head away.
I think you need to spend some time apart. You don't have to break up or even take a break, but just not see eachother for a bit and decide if it's a relief not to have to argue, or whether you want to start again and get back with him.
When he hurts you, show it. He's not psychic. And he'll carry on if you don't let him know he's caused you pain.
Good Luck!! xx
A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (22 August 2008):
 Yikes, you shoulda slapped him for that one.
Just kidding, that's obviously a bad idea but I reckon my girlfriend would do a lot worse to me if I had the balls to call her that!
You need to let him know that if he wants to call you names when you fight, you're not going to be around for much longer. Fights aren't about insults and hurting one another, fights are supposed to be what happens when couples try to resolve a difficult issue between them.. you can't resolve anything with insults. He's going to drive a wedge between you two. You both need to learn some good fighting techniques, ways to keep things calm so the emotions don't boil over. It's not easy, but there are techniques you can use to stop things from getting out of hand.
Here's some links to articles that talk about this:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/15185/how_to_argue_effectively_in_a_relationship.html
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/188575/how_to_argue_without_fighting_in_a.html?cat=41
If you find that you're arguing about trivial things a lot, or the same things over and over again, there are probably some deeper issues that you both need to work on. Maybe if you both wrote a letter to one another explaining how you're feeling and what you think you need to work on in the relationship, etc. It could help you communicate without vicious name calling.
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