A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone, there's a little thing that been "bothering" me about my boyfriend, and due of my lack of experience on these aspects, I was wondering if some of you could give me a little hand in order to solve this situation.Usually when we talk, the conversation surrounds about him, whether of his upcoming works or something different like an achievement, and I really do love to hear about it so I don't hesitate to ask more because I know it makes him happy and his enjoyment is mine too. Though, whenever I bring up something of myself like a project in which I'm excited about, somehow, the conversation finishes immediately turning again on his side. For example, I started to talk about some new studies that I began and the response was "alright", followed by a completely different thing related with some achievement of him.Sometimes I think, maybe he doesn't know what to say? So it'd be unfair to propose this, or am I wrong to feel a bit frustrated? Technically, feelings are neither good or bad, they just are and scapes from rationality, though I do feel kind of egotistical being worried about this, though it also gives me a bit the sensation of a "lack of interest" about me, or just too much excitement about what he does. I guess I can't blame him, previously in the past he didn't have so much luck and today things seems much brighter.I'd like to clarify that we both are very communicative about our feelings and emotions, so I was wondering, what would be the most friendly way to bring up this issue? Or what do you think about it? Thank you for reading me and I'll wait your answers. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2018): he's very self consumed. he should be interested in you. When people do this it is a very self absorbed tactic. Again, as code warrior pointed out, he does sound like he has those narcissistic traits (why are there so many I wonder?)
Now - we have read your concern and we don't even know you, but we care about you, you are young (sorry, but you are) and you sound like a very intelligent lady. Do you need a boyfriend who is not being a friend? he likes your friendship but is not showing you any friendliness when he casts your words asunder, into the 'I don't care about you' void!
You're right, he might not know what to say back, but I don't think this is the case, you're instincts say otherwise. Trust them. It is making you feel un-comfy. Never be 2nd best. You are just as important as him, if not more due to his lack of care.
Take note of that and good luck.
A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (10 April 2018):
 Personally, this would be a huge red flag for me simply because I can't stand people who are self absorbed.
To me, he doesn't ask you about your stuff because; he really just doesn't care enough to want to know. He finds his life more interesting and he probably will continue to shut down your attempts at getting something about yourself in there.
I knew someone who had a similar attitude as in; he would give off the impression that all that he done was MORE amazing and all that he touched turned to gold. Very seldom do people like this ask questions to get to know you, more often than not, it's a way for them to sneak something about themselves back into conversation. People like him like to be praised and adored for what they do. They like attention and will grab it from any and everyone else if they have to just to feel secure within themselves.
You need to bring it up but bare in mind that this a part of him now so trying to change that overnight won't work. I think that whether you do or don't have that conversation, YOU need to decide whether or not this is a deal-breaker for YOU.
I've shared my personal opinion and now it's time for you to decide for yourself whether it's an issue or not. If you have the energy, time and patience then by all means... if not, don't waste your time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2018): sorry to say but your boyfriend is a narcissist! only interested in an audience and what HE wants to hear.
conversation is give and take, litren and be listened to.. if you aren't being listened to sincerely by your boyfriend!
well that's a huge red flag..
I would be straight up with him, nicely and not nasty and say something like "hey can I talk about my stuff/life/plans for a bit" "all you say is "alright" then talk about you! not fair..
or similar..
if he gets annoyed or even angry of defensive..then you have your answer.. he wants an audience, and adoration not a girlfriend..
if he apologizes and/or says he didn't know he does this etc..then give him another chance..
i'd not put up with this,,
he is being very selfish..
we all deserve to listned to!!
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