A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating over a year now and I couldn't be happier with him. But, he comes from an abusive background and that worries me. We have a cat that we bought together. He likes to put her inside the bath tub or shower because he says he doesn't want her to be afraid of water. I don't agree and think its a form of abuse. It worries me what do you think? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, WastedLife +, writes (6 May 2008):
I live with two wonderful cats that have probably saved me from depression and worse. Cats are independent souls, and are quite loving creatures on their own terms. Anyone that would violate a cat's will without a very good reason would not hesitate to do the same to a person. Yes, I keep my cats from tearing at the furniture and keep them out of traffic, but I would never force a cat to be in water unless it was necessary for its own health. One of my cats loves to play in water, and sometimes goes in the shower, but I would never force her. The other hates it. Even I don't like to be in the rain!
I think you need to have a very strong talk with your bf and let him know that if he scares or hurts the cat, he is scaring you, and if you get scared, he must leave - permanently. It's tough enough for me to get a relationship, but if my gf did that, she would be told to leave.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2008): I believe that your instincts about him abusing the cat is correct. The cat won't adjust to the water and your b/f is getting his jollys by watching the cat freak out. Not all abused people are abusers but from my experience most abused people repeat the pattern in their own lives. What your b/f does to the cat he will eventually do to you. The test is when you "tell him to stop" putting the cat in the shower rather than ask him and he gets really angry or distances himself from you my suggestion is to get out of his life as quickly as possible. Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2008): I think his intentions are quite probably genuine but I would certainly ask him not to do it if it is unnecessary. Why would you need the cat not to be afraid of water? As long as it can deal with the rain there is no need for the cat to have contact with water, they are very clean animals and really dont need to be bathed very often, of course if they enjoy water then thats great but there should be no unnecessary force.
I have worked with animals for many years as a veterinary nurse and probably only ever bathed 3 cats in that time, these had managed to either get extreemly matted, had skin conditions needing medical shampoo applied or had rolled in something very nasty stuck in their fur.
I now work as an animal behaviourist and would hate for you to have behavioural problems with your pet later in life due to being exposed to the extreem stress that it must be under when cornered in the bathroom. My suggestion would be not to bathe the cat unnecessarily as this is not a natural thing for cats to do.
If your partner can not refrain from traumatising your cat in this way, perhaps he should not be a pet owner and the cat should be with someone that understands their requirements and natural behaviours better.
Think you should put your foot down. x
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A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (1 May 2008):
 My ex kicked cats and beat me up. I could never hurt another person or an animal. Is the cat suffering or enjoying it?? Ask him to stop and see how he reacts x
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (1 May 2008):
 Not all cats are afraid of water. Turkish van's are famous for liking water and mine for instance enjoys swimming and will do it any chance he has of his own accord.
But yeah, most cats hate water and should be bathed only rarely and even then only if it is needed.
He may well have a sadistic streak in him but so far it seems pretty mild. Tell him you don't want him to do this anymore and put your foot down.
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A
female
reader, brooke5426 +, writes (1 May 2008):
 I dont think he's trying to torture the cat, i think hes genuine in that he doesnt want her to be afraid of water but cats hate water. Its just their instinct so he's fighting a losing battle and scaring the bejeezus out of the cat.
Unless he takes pleasure/amusement out of watching the cat freak out in the shower then I dont think hes showing any signs of abusive behaviour.
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A
female
reader, notinthesane +, writes (1 May 2008):
 All cats are afraid of water. He needs to understand that, but don't think that just because he comes from an abusive background that he will be an abuser. I am 21 and spent 19 years of my life being physically, mentally, and emotionally abused, bust that only made me more empathetic and compassionate. Abuse has different effects on different people, so I would say, tell your man to stop screwing with the cat, and if you're really concerned, just keep an eye on things and, if you see any signs of an abusive nature, get out of there as soon as you can.
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