A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi there. i have a problem communicating with my boyfriend. he closes up every time i ask emotional or serious questions. when i ask him why, he just says "cause"! we've talked about marriage, but he says he will talk to me when we are married. so what's the difference between now and then? we've been seeing each other for over a year now. he also works in an office with lots of pretty girls. he even flirts with them, even though he tells me about it. how can i get him to open up his true feelings about serious matters??
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female
reader, Pasha  +, writes (10 April 2008):
I agree with all the other writers! I too have had experiences in the past. This guy will NOT change. And if you are going to marry this guy you want to know how he feels. Not after you are in his grasps. If there are any doubts at all....(and obviously there is) don't marry him. There is more fish in the sea...not just the brook! Best Wishes.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2008): I agree with anonymous's answer. He is not ready to open up to you. Why does he want to marry you, to trap you with him? While he openly flirts with other "pretty" girls he lets you know about it to get a rise out of you. What a piece of work. Please do not marry this guy, it will not make things any better.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (10 April 2008):
 It is like a plant , there is a time when the plant blooms with lots of flowers.
When he is ready , he will open up.
When he is not ready , nothing can make him open up.
You need to be patient and wait for the plant to have buds first...
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A
female
reader, yoginipirate  +, writes (10 April 2008):
 Nothing AT ALL will change solely because you get married. Except of course that it will be very difficult to unwind yourself from this uncommunicative person. If you aren't fulfilled before the marriage, you damn sure won't be once you're stuck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2008): Hey hun. I know what your going threw I've been threw it before.You need to sit him down and tell him you need to know how he feels about you before you marry him.Tell him you know it will be hard for him but he need to tell you something about how he feels and I don't just mean him saying he loves you.You need to know he feels the same way you feel about him.Tell him he if want this to work out and he really want to marry you he needs to open up a little.
just take it easy.
things will work.
love ya
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2008): You can't get him to open up no matter what you do. He's running and you are chasing. Deep down inside he really likes the chase and you are feeding his need by running after him. Stop asking him to talk. He will talk when and if he is ready. No one can "MAKE" anyone do anything they don't want to.
Please, do not marry this man. He will not change. Marriage doesn't make things better, it makes things more difficult. Please, please, please, don't marry this man. If he won't change now, he is going to be even worse later. Either you can talk to him or you cannot. If cannot talk about serious subjects, then 'because' won't cut it.
Find someone else who will talk to you. He doesn't want to share his life with you if he doesn't want to talk to you.
And a final bit of advice I gave my own little sister. If you cannot trust the person you are with no matter if you are there or far away then this is not the person to be with. Love cannot thrive in jealousy. Love cannot grow when you cannot trust.
Save your own dignity and stop asking him for his opinion. Give him your opinions if you have to but don't ask or expect him to give you anything in return. Honey, he is not ready to commit and the more you try, the worse you are going to feel in the end.
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