A
female
age
30-35,
*opeless romantic 101
writes:Dear cupid I need advice on how to stop thinking about my horrible ex boyfriend and moving on with my life. I cant sleep I can barely eat I'm so hurt but anyway here's the story. We were together for three years, high school sweethearts and very close friends also.I never been closer to another person the way i was close to him, not even my family. We had our fights,trust issues,ups and downs as normal but things were going great lately and he recently put a down payment on our first apartment. But then he started hiding his cell phone and it made me get second thoughts about the moving in with him but he kept pushing me to move in and it caused a huge argument. I had to find out what he was hiding so i went through his email yesterday and found out hes SLEPT WITH OVER 26 DIFFERENT WOMEN! He had profiles on 5 different porn sites,and was contacting many prostitutes.But the part that I cant get over was that he mentioned me to all these women and how he didn't care about me and how he wouldn't regret cheating on me with them and didn't care if I got hurt.Why he chose to mention me to these women I will never understand, and i will never understand why he stayed with me for three years but had so much underlying hatred for me. I found out he was cheating with his best friends wife, which i was also friendly with and he told her he wished he could spend valentines day with her; and this really hurt me because we had an amazing day together that day but he was texting her secretly the whole time. I'm so confused I don't know what parts of this relationship were real and i don't know who he is anymore.He pushed me to move in with him, he pushed me to get engaged and he pushed me to trust him.He was my first love and a major part in my life for three years and it was all a lie. I feel like im hurt so badly Im emotionally scarred. I cant stop thinking about who he really is and how he was able to pretend all those special moments we shared were real. So my question is how do i get over an ex and move on without carrying any emotional baggage into my next relationship??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, hopeless romantic 101 +, writes (25 April 2012):
hopeless romantic 101 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the advice, I think my problem is that i do need to forgive myself first. So im just gonna take my time and get over him even though i want this pain to go away sooooo bad. Thanks everyone i feel so much better now.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 April 2012):
 It's not going to happen over night, but at some point YOU will have to forgive yourself and realize that his cheating had nothing to do with you and ALL to do with his lack of morals and selfish personality.
When I say you need to forgive yourself, I mean JUST that. Many people who have been cheated on blame themselves for the cheating. The blame themselves for not being "good" enough, or "sexy" enough to keep their partner happy. They also tend to blame themselves for either NOT knowing they were with a cheater or for knowingly "ignoring" it - hoping the partner would stop.
You also need to forgive yourself for "falling" for such a douche bag. We all have lapses in taste when it comes to partners.
A little therapy might help you as well. Figure out WHY you stayed so long with him. Why you still carry such strong feeling for a man who really didn't deserve them and so forth.
Pick up the phone, call a good friend, talk about it. Get out of the house. Go see a movie, go for a walk, get a hobby, find the HAPPY you. Enjoy life.
And most of all give yourself time to mourn and heal.
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A
female
reader, screennametaken  +, writes (22 April 2012):
Abuse. Get the fuck out. You are very, very lucky to have found all this nonsense out now. Cut and run, my friend, and do have a talk with a life coach, therapist or best girlfriend. You don't want to take his toxicity and his MAJOR issues into your next relationship. It's not you, it's him. It really is. But do cut and run.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2012): Ime not gonna lie, its going to take a looooong time to heal
But be aware he is unique, his behaviour is not typical of men or lads, 26 women is extreme.It was his problem, nothing you can do to change history now.
Just be happy your out of it, still very young,with years in front of you. Dont put a timescale on getting over him, you will know when you feel right.
Focus on yourself,think of how you want to be in 2 years time. Do the things you always wanted to do.Talk, talk to friends talk to family let them help you move on.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (22 April 2012):
 This is your past relationship. I will not ask you to just get over it. If it takes two years to get over it, then do so. You can still enjoy you single life and pour passion into any activity, and enrich yourself by learning things you always wished you had time to before.
What he did is not typical of any man today and I can say he has some issues. When you get yourself out there and meet people as friends, you will see that there are many decent, authentic men and women out there.
You should not be in a next relationship until you can feel that when you have a next date you can treat him like an average person, without the need to question faithfulness and worry when he is going to call you, or what he is doing without you. If you are still hurting and looking for comfort, a date is not the right place to go. Everyone has some kind of baggage, but the only times you mention your ex to your potential date should be about how the relationship ended and what you learned from it, and if you have children together when he is picking them up, and that's it. There should be no talking about how much he hurt you, the crimes he did, and how much you are still thinking about your ex. If you need a shoulder to cry on talk to a friend or therapist.
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