A
female
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*hirpychicken
writes:I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years. i have only just recently found out that he is the father of one of my best friends 3 month old baby. I was told of this by my friend over a text message. They were seeing eachother for a little while which is when she fell pregnant. My bf split up with me twice last year (obviously when it was all going on) but He kept on coming back to me because he didnt want us to break up. when she fell pregnant it stopped. but i was gutted when we split up and so was he so we know we cant be apart and its clear to us and everyone around us we are meant to be together. This whole situation has destroyed me more than anything and to top everything off, the baby was born on my birthday. My boyfriend was so gutted when i found out he said he didnt want to lose me thats why he could'nt tell me. Obviously I feel at the moment I cannot trust anyone and i am deeply hurt by all this but, after everything me and my boyfriend have decided to try and work things out. He begged me to give him one more chance and i am willing to do that as we are so right for eachother and everyone makes mistakes. its been ok between us and my boyfriend cant do enough for me but i still get the negative feelings of him leaving me again and i keep on not only taking it out on him but im taking my anger out on my family and friends too. my friends and my brother know what has happened but i havent told my parents as i fear they wont be able to accept our relationship any more. My Boyfriend does want to be a part of the babys life but he is stalling the whole thing because of his love for me. I have told him that It's not the childs fault what has happened and he doesn't deserve all this and that he should go and visit him whenever he can. but my boyfriend also doesnt want to see her as he hates her for the way she has gone about telling me. she also informed his parents via a letter in the post with a photo of the baby. They had no idea either. his and my feelings towards my "ex" friend have now turned into hatred. I have to deal with all this too and that scares me. Im sure i will cope but it will be hard. I know what they both done was wrong but what she has done i find harder to deal with as she is trying to blame me for everything when all i ever was to them both was a great girlfriend and friend. im a very loyal and caring person and i really honestly didnt deserve any of this. The reason i am willing to give my bf another chance is because i love him so much and he knows what he has done is so very wrong and he is trying so hard to make me happy but she has been nothing but vindictive and nasty about it all toward me. He is going to visit his boy with his mum as she wants to see her grandchild too understandably. I am positive I want to make a go of things with my boyfriend he truley does love me and has been going to the ends of the earth and back to make me happy but this hurt and distrust is lurking within me and i really dont know how to deal with it all at the moment. I feel so alone in all this as I dont really like to talk about my feelings with anyone as I have no trust I have lost trust in everybody. My self confidence is at an all time low at the moment and i have never felt worse about myself. Im scared i am going to push everyone away and i dont want to do that. It is all eating away inside of me. How can I deal with this and move on so me and my bf can be normal again?
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best friend, confidence, move on, split up, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chirpychicken +, writes (20 April 2007):
chirpychicken is verified as being by the original poster of the question Almost a year on, I have to say we are still together and that we are very happy we have moved out we are thinking of having a baby of our own next year and that she is well and truley out of our lives. I knew my ex friend so well...she usually does things at the time to get what she wants then gets "bored" and moves onto something else. well this is what has happened this time but unfortunately her little boy has been shunned. She is out every night I have heard and leaves the baby with her mum. typical of the selfish cow. but anyway she is fucked now and everbody else is happy and getting on with their lives!! thank you so much everybody for your advice and kind words it means alot to me and you have all really helped!
Take care xxxxxxxxxx
A
female
reader, chirpychicken +, writes (24 March 2007):
chirpychicken is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnon. I cant believe that you have been through the same. I would like to add you as one of my buddies if you are ok to do that. It would be good to exchange messages and thoughts and help eachother through this horrible mess were in! I feel for you so much nobody else will understand my problem like you do. by the time you read this message you would have had the paternity test done. How did it go...i have my fingers crossed that you get the result you want and that you and your boyfriend can move on and get married. I would love to chat more so please get in touch. Take care
love cc xxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2007): I'm completely shocked at your question. I must tell you that the same EXACT thing happened to me. My bf of five 1/2 years cheated on me and i caught them together. We split for a month and got back together because i loved him so much and he was hurting so much. He feels so terrible about what happened. Two weeks after we got back together, he told me that she told him she was pregnant and the baby was his. We found out from a friend of hers that she was also with another man. So, we don't know whose baby this is. The baby was born two weeks ago....on my birthday. We have a paternity test scheduled for two days from now. The outcome to all of this was that my boyfriend no longer wonders about his feelings and what he wants to do with his life. He finished college, has plans to continue on to another school, and asked me to be his wife. I accepted. Our relationship is really good but the way I feel about myself is what has suffered. I feel alone in all this and the fact that he was attracted to someone besides me has made me feel like I don't have anything special to offer. I don't feel pretty like i used to. I feel sluggish and have no ambition. I'm at a loss now. I don't know if it's better for myself to be with him and share our love but have low self esteem or start all over again in finding someone who will love me and make me feel like i'm special. Thank you for sharing your story. It has been a true blessing to hear that i'm not the only one who has gone/is going through this. Thank you, thank you.
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female
reader, chirpychicken +, writes (5 March 2007):
chirpychicken is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to all of you who have helped me I really appreciate you sharing your experiences with me...it has helped.
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A
female
reader, Schanna +, writes (6 November 2006):
Touchy situation. The same happened to me, except, my ex was in jail and I was the one who cheated and became pregnant. Man I hurt from it everyday, although I am very thankful that I have my daughter, I miss my Ex SOOooooooo Much. I cried my whole pregnancy, and was completely miserable. And to be honest, I'm still miserable. Deep down inside I really was to work it out, but how can I if we can't even talk. All I ever wanted was another chance. I never loved, like I loved him. It's almost been two years and I still can't shake the feeling. I married my daughters father and divorced him, because I can't shake my love for him. Although I never really loved my daughters father. I can't find any guy I'm interested in and none of the guys compare to him. He was a good man, and I really wanted it to work. I understand where you're coming from, but from the other side, and this side hurts worst. I feel worthless. But women are more accepting than a man will ever be.
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female
reader, chirpychicken +, writes (18 June 2006):
chirpychicken is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLostandalone...I didnt see the anon reply? lol I must admit when i first read it i was a bit shocked! i thought I had upset you. but thank you so much for your kind words and advice it has really helped. I recently found out some other stuff which has really done my head in but i have to accept it all happened before and that things have changed and my bf is genuinely sorry for what he did i am just hoping that this is possible. Thank you xxxAriel....Thank you hun i am very proud to hear what you have been through and come through with your man. Its nice to hear that there is success and forgiveness in situations like these and we all have to move on and you have prooved to me this is not a miricle.thanks againxxx
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male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (16 June 2006):
 The comment was geared toward the female anon who answered. Sorry sensitive subject with me.
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A
male
reader, Lostandalone +, writes (16 June 2006):
Anon. You have valid points but who are you to judge what this man is and what his intentions are. I don't know your status as far as relationship and troubles within but you sound as if you were cheated on and hurt. Mistakes are mistakes just like sins are sins. The only difference is there is an unforgivable sin which is self murder. So is the only unforgivable mistake is making another life outside of your own relationship. If thats your stake than fine. I was a child created from this type of a "MISTAKE". My dad was married and had me with my mother. My step-mother forgave him and they moved on together. She has talked to me about this numerous times and she says how at first she didn't know how to feel about me and she didn't know what to expect. After I was 1 yr old she would volunteer to take me for the weekend and spend time with me. My dad has never done anything like this again and has made a beautiful life with my stepmother and 3 brothers. I am excepted and loved as if I came from her. My mother and her laugh as friends NOW.
So before you make aligations as if this thing is just so bad and this thing can't work as you did. Be sure to have walked that walk. I have cause I was that child and I have because now I am that man. I unfortunately lost my fiance but we are still the best of friends and she loves my daughter and even baby sits for me. I made the MISTAKE but I love her dearly and I would still love her if she was with another man because I love her that much. Just because you make a mistake doesn't mean you love someone less. It just means your human!
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A
male
reader, Lostandalone +, writes (15 June 2006):
communication. You have done something that not many people are willing to do. You have accepted your bf's mistake as what it was A MISTAKE (not the baby but the act). In order to move on you have to put the past behind you. Start again. Realize why you loved him in the first place. Take time for yourself and find out why it is that you are so special and do the things that make you most happy. Go out with your bf and do fun things with eachother. If you don't you will always associate him with the hurt and pain you feel and thats not good for a relationship that you want as well as him. Make peace with the situation and don't live in the past but look forward to a bright future with your bf. If the love is were you say it is than GOD willing you will have a child of your own and you will see the beautiful joy in all children, even though conceived with deceit or not. You are a very strong and understanding woman. You deserve credit for your endurance and resolve. You are much stronger than what you think. I wish that my ex was quite as understanding as you. I wish you the very best because you are one of a kind. Keep being strong. Good Luck.
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