A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 1 year now, we'r planing to marry together because he asked me to and I do love him. Our relationship is going well and sweet nowadays.I remember it was 3 or 4 months ago that I found out he cheated on me while he flying abroad and met another girlfriend of him then they slept together. I didn't know I was the third person involved because he said he was single and didn't have any gf so i believe in him. I can say at the first start of relationship all he cared about was sex. He asked me to have sex with him not even 1 week after we have know each other. And and I really wonder how come he could even sleep with another girl while me and him had sex almost twice a day together. He never told me about this until i found from that girl. I was really upset and crying about this problem all the time. When I ask my bf about this he said he didn't love her at all and he also didn't love me much at that time he just like me and want to get me laid but since staying together with me for long he start to feel deep in love with me and realized his mistake. Should i actually believe him? ... it really hurt me knowing that I have given my " all" to him and in return he cheated just for sex.I seem to never get through this past of him. I really want to forget it and move on with him but I can't because I love him too much and I can forgive him for everything.The question is should i forget his past and caring about our future instead since he said he had changed many thing for me and he will never cheat me again? Can I trust him in the future when he used to cheat me once like that, he was a playboy before we know each other and I afraid after we married one day he will do this to me again....I just want to know other people opinion about this. Thank for helping.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): He was a "playboy?" Guys like this very rarely change, if at all. If he did this to you once and you took him back because he gave you some BS excuse then he knows he can do it again. He knows that all he has to do is tell you a few sweet words and you'll believe his crap.
Dump him before he hurts you again. I guarantee you that you will be much happier with him out of your life.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (10 December 2010):
 "I seem to never get through this past of him. I really want to forget it and move on but I can't because I love him too much and i can forgive him for everything."
I'm really confused by that statement. Are you going to forgive him for everything because you love him, and are finding it hard to do so because of the trust issues? If you're going to forgive him, why ask our opinion? Just curious.
Everyone else is correct, this Hugh Hefner isn't hanging up his robe anytime soon. It takes a long time months, years for someone to truly change themselves. They have to want to in the first place, he doesn't.
This relationship got off to a bad start in the first place. You were in a love triangle, of where he was cheating on his girlfriend with you. Then you proceed to blindly date him, when he was just as much cheating on you and his girlfriend.
There's been no trust in this relationship from the get go, frankly I don't know how it's survived this long. It's going to be one rocky marriage if you two do get married, this guy isn't a one woman man.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): Thank you guys for advice.
Anyway I did try to ask him for a break up but he never agreed with it and also asked me " why I still not forget about that story ? " even though he changed alot lately...
Hmmm now it's a hard decision for me, I really don't know what to do...
:(
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): "should i forget his past"
Sorry, but bluntly, this isn't his past. This is his present behavior. No, he cannot be trusted, not by you.
To get to that point, he will need to stop doing what he is doing, for years, and develop relationships that are more caring and not like your relationship with him.
I'm a guy, much older than you and probably your boyfriend as well, and guys who do this in relationships this young (you've only been with him a year for Christ's sake...he should be drooling over you and worshiping the ground you walk on) they go on to cheat on their wives, etc.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 December 2010):
 Did you say that you were the third and that he lied to you saying he was single? So he cheated with you, then cheated on you, pressured you for sex right away, told you while you were having sex twice a day that he didn't love you and was using you for sex?
Cerberus is right. He *is* full of shit and there is no way you can ever trust him. A marriage (actually ANY relationship) is doomed if there is no trust.
Also, oftentimes a cheater once he's caught will try to smokescreen by offering up the carrot of commitment, meaning he could have just asked you to marry him to get you to overlook his cheating. In reality, he has no intention of marrying you. He just wants to string you along some more because you're a sure thing sexually.
You're worth WAY more than to be sloppy seconds and thirds to this manwhore.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): "Should i actually believe him?" No, he's full of shit.
"The question is should i forget his past and caring about our future instead since he said he had changed many thing for me and he will never cheat me again?" No should not forget his past, that's who he is. He will cheat on you. That is who he is, look at all his past behaviour.
"Can I trust him in the future" You could not trust him in the past, you can't trust him ow and there is no way you can trust him in the future.
I know you're not going to listen to what I say, I know you love him and just want to be with him and because of this you will. I also know that sometime in the near future he will cheat on you too. You have a very bad and painful future with this guy. I think came here hoping people would say that it could work and he can be a nice guy for you. But that's not going to happen because he isn't.
He's a serial cheater and he's a liar, once things get cozy between you and him he'll find a younger prettier woman to start sleeping with.
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