A
female
age
30-35,
*mgoshjackie
writes:FIrst my question is, is there anyone out there who took their boyfriend back after cheating and is still happy today? With trust and no more cheating? My story:My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years now. He is my first and only boyfriend. At the beginning of our sophomore year in college I caught him texting another girl about trying to go have sex with her. He didn't though just flirting. and when I caught him I thought it was over but he cried and apologized. He would always talk to girls and though it was just to be friends it has always bothered me because he did it all the time. When i'm being really rude he instead of asking me what's wrong calls me a "B***h" Now it is coming to the end of fall semester of our junior year and he started acting weird. Texting this girl and i knew something was up. I find out from my friend about 2 weeks ago that he went to her room, watched a movie, cuddled, and made out with her. When I confronted him he tried to lie at first but realized he was caught and admitted it. and when people ask what happened he admits to them that he cheated on me. Now he says that he will do anything and everything to work to make it better. He will go to therapy, church, delete all numbers and girl fb friends, he'll let me cry, yell at him, punish him, shun him, whatever it takes to have me back. that he realizes that i have baggage but he wants the perks and the baggage of being with me. I'm so lost. nobody wants me back with him and all say I deserve better. But he is also a good person. when my dad left he pretty much took over, doing things around the house and for my family. I just don't know what to do. I don't wanna sit around crying all the time with how mixed up I am.
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female
reader, omgoshjackie +, writes (6 November 2012):
omgoshjackie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have been to a counselor once so far another appointment on thursday. About his reasoning, he said with that " I know it does not excuse what I did, I did this to us" So far he's deleted every girls number, all social media, has dictated his every move to me, let me cry to him, and has told me if I need to make out with someone to feel better then to just go ahead. We are not boyfriend and girlfriend again just to be clear. I plan on being more honest with my counselor regarding my relationship on thursday. And just to clear it up, it was me saying that he was a good person not him saying that to me (about my father) Thank you for your answers, please keep them coming as I'll probably keep updating.
A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (31 October 2012):
 I took a boyfriend back after lying and talking to girls behind my back. He also apologized, cried, let me punch him in the face, destroyed his computer to prove faithfulness. I took him back because of all this, he was truly sorry right? We lasted for about a year afterwards. I never trusted him again. Whenever he got on his phone I worried who he was talking to. I didn't trust him to go out alone because of what he could be doing. I became a person I hated. Even if I had been completely trusting and forgiven him it wouldn't have made a difference, he did it again anyway. The crying and saying sorry means nothing. It's to get you back. He's desperate to get you back. All sorts of things are said in the moment of sadness but I can pretty well promise you it won't last. He won't go to church. He won't go to therapy. There will be excuses why he doesn't. Once he gets you back there is no need to do all that. And once he's comfortable enough and gets bored again he will go looking again.
Honestly I don't know how you could forgive him after hearing his reasons for cheating. Because you wouldn't have sex with him and you didn't allow him to watch porn. Well I'm guessing you didn't allow him to make out with other girls either so how could that be his excuse? He won't watch porn because you won't let him but he will make out with a girl even though you won't let him? Ridiculous. And aside from that anyway he is blaming you for not having sex with him enough. Sounds real genuinely sorry for his actions huh? That's not normal behavior from a good and decent guy. He isn't getting enough sex so he goes elsewhere. Nice. Better be ready to put out all the time regardless of how you are feeling because he will find another girl who does. Scratch that, he will do it again regardless because it is in his nature. He needs sexual attention from more than just one girl. A good man cares for you more than just a sex object and can't replace you so easily when you don't preform to his liking.
He tried this more than once ( you caught him in the past texting another girl sexual things- even if he didn't follow through that is still cheating FYI). He cried and did the same song and dance he is doing now. Yet... He did it again! And followed through this time! Do you really think this will be any different? He's crying and saying sorry just like before. And it will end up just like before because despite what you say he isn't a good guy. A good guy doesn't cheat on his girlfriend. A good guy doesn't send sexual texts to other girls when he has a girlfriend. You are taking some good aspects and ignoring very bad ones. He is a bad BOYFRIEND, that's all you need to know. If you forgive him again be prepared to be a doormat for this man until you break up for good. He already knows how to win you back over and that you aren't strong enough to stay away and not fall for the crying. A man who does respect his girlfriend isn't going to treat her with respect.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 October 2012):
 fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me.
the problem is this: your follow up clearly shows that his remorse is not in the cheating... his remorse is in the getting caught.
HE said that the reason he cheated was because you don't like him looking at porn and you were not putting out enough.
two lousy reasons.
bad excuses.
NOW had he said 'I had a weak moment" and he was sorry about what HE did and he OWNED his behavior... MAYBE you should forgive him... but the fact that he won't accept that he's the one at fault, that he tries to turn it around and make it your fault he cheated... oh bad form.
oh and "ow he says that he will do anything and everything to work to make it better. He will go to therapy, church, delete all numbers and girl fb friends, he'll let me cry, yell at him, punish him, shun him, whatever it takes to have me back."
DRAMA QUEEN alert... honey, he's a liar, a cheater, a manipulator ()making it your fault) AND A DRAMA QUEEN?
You say he's a good person....
a good person does not lie
a good person does not cheat
a good person does not blame others for their own failings...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (31 October 2012):
 He is so full of bull crap. None only is it YOUR fault he cheated (according to you) but you should just suck it up and move on?
I have only dated one cheater - he (as it turned out) was dating multiple girls at the same time and none of us knew. His job (or how he described his job made this VERY easy) Basically he was a conman and a cheat. Anyone, the moment I found out, I was done. I don't see the point being with a guy who feels NO remorse for his wayward actions, who WILL do it again and WILL blame you some more for it, and someone you just can't trust. What's the point of that kind of relationship? You CAN NOT progress in it. Why? Because they DO NOT change. They just get better at hiding it.
Dump him, you can do SOOO much better, honey.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2012): "But he is also a good person. when my dad left he pretty much took over, doing things around the house and for my family. I just don't know what to do."Please seek counselling. "Boyfriend" is exploiting your grief and feelings of abandonment over the loss of your father from your life. He is a shameless scumbag, but you are desperately clinging to him to fill the void your absentee father has created. NO good can come from this situation. You must get out from under his thumb and you are incapable of doing it on your own. You need the help, support, information and knowledge only a trained, neutral, third-party professional can provide.Good luck and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (31 October 2012):
 You can't take him back because of what he said his reasons were. He blames you for his cheating. This is absolutely asinine that he would say that.
You don't "put out"? What are you, a Coca-Cola machine? And, he says you don't like porn, so he has to go put his penis into another woman's vagina?? Porn isn't talking to live women and visiting them.
I tell you this -- if you take this guy back, and have sex with him twice a day, he'll still cheat on you. He cheats because he is a cheater. He is a serial cheater. He will not change.
It's hopeless as long as he blames you for his cheating. Would he accept a similar explanation if you told him you were cheating on him because he wasn't a good enough kisser??
It's crap.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2012): I gave my boyfriend chance after chance after he cheated on me save your self the heart break you dont deserve that they always promise they will change but that doesnt last leave before you get cheated on over and over
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2012): Yeah bad idea.
He blamed it on you?
That's classy.
If he really cared about changing it'd acknowledge that it was completely him.
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A
female
reader, omgoshjackie +, writes (31 October 2012):
omgoshjackie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso, he said his reason for doing it was because I don't like him looking at porn and I wasn't putting out often enough. He said his solution for the future is self control.
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