A
female
age
30-35,
*razybihh1802
writes:Okay so me and my boyfriend have been dating for like 6 months now. We go to school together. He is a senior and I am a junior. I am turning 18 in about 3 weeks and he just turned 17. We see each other every weekend and just hang out all day. We have an amaizing sex life.... Not that u needed to know that. Well recently we have been fighting a lot lately. And it's over little stuff. And it's really starting to take a toll on both of us. He sometimes says some really hurtful things. And when he gets mad he can never confront me in person. Then, when I confront him in person he just stares at me with a blank face. I looked it up online and it gave me a whole bunch of reasons why this might be happening. I honestly think it would be better to hear from real people. And if it's something we can fix please help! Thanks all who attempt.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2011): If talking is getting you nowhere (and I mean "talking", not picking fights) then I think it's better to disengage for a while to let both of you decompress. Wait a week or two and try to talk to him again.
When you do try again, concentrate on the big picture...not the small stuff. When people fight about small stuff, it usually means there are bigger things they aren't talking about. Lead with questions rather than statements. Hopefully, you are talking to find stuff out, not to prove a point necessarily. Both of you have probably told each other you're pissed off, you're probably both just so angry you're not seeing the other's side clearly or you don't care because of your own sense of injustice.
Asking him for instance, "Why do you find me so irritating?" rather than saying "You are so irritating to me" is a more direct route to getting what you want to know. When you do come to the point of telling him how you feel, you might also tell him "why" he's irritating...not just that he is irritating. Be willing to be vulnerable.
Above all, when you do talk, stay calm, let each other finish when speaking. I'm not promising miracles, because I've been in your shoes before and sometimes my best efforts have been totally fruitless... but at least you're more likely to get a true answer to your questions and you know you gave it an honest shot. If you find that even this approach is unproductive, or he still insists on being hurtful, or he just refuses to communicate, then maybe you should reconsider the relationship and let him know you're checking out.
Good luck.
One last thing....don't fight and then have make up sex.
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