A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a situation where I feel stuck and would like a second opinion. Please do let me know what you think, or if you have any good advice on how I could approach this.My boyfriend can be very flirty and has a sick sense of humor. What I am very unhappy about is that he jokes with some of his female friends, and even his past girlfriend in that nature. I've confronted him about feeling uncomfortable knowing he does this with other women, and asked if he could please not flirt or joke like that, especially with his past girlfriend anymore. He said ok, he wouldn't.Then, I stumbled upon a message conversation he had with his ex a few months later, where he was teasing her in a very dirty way. I was devastated and confronted him again in which he replied he agreed not to do that infront of me out of respect, and tried to simply keep it away from me. And that since having that sense of humor for long time, it is strange to stop altogether as it will mean changing his personality and the way he interacts with some of his friends. But he will consider it.I on the other hand feel very upset. When I asked him to stop, I did not mean for him to keep it away from me..I thought I was being very clear that I wanted to stop altogether. Now he hasn't given me any reason to suspect he is cheating. He has not cheated in the past, or is he interested to right now. But I am just very uncomfortable with the way he interact with some of his female friends. He is open about his flirty sense of humor, but I know I get very hurt when I actually come across his conversations with these friends. Am I asking a lot of him to stop?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLaLaLoo: If it is something i can't ever be ok with and it is part of him, I probably can't stay with him. The way he is, is affecting the relationship..it is hard to feel ok on my end no matter how hard I try.
Petinal: He doesn't do this to everyone, only a few whom he feels understand his humor and won't feel weird about it. I've seen him talk like that with men too, it is really just a weird humor but I'm just really upset when he does it to women.
A
female
reader, LaLaLoo123 +, writes (15 January 2011):
Right, If you both love each other then you have to trust him because if your being insecure it could break you both up because if its who he is he cant help that. and i understand how you feel but aslong as he is faithful to you thats all that matters and at the end of the day he loves you and you just have to remember that
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (15 January 2011):
 When you are in a relationship, if you don't like something you discuss it and then it must stop. Obviously if it's a reasonable request, and yours is because it's affecting the relationship a lot. If he can't do what you ask then he is not bothered about your feelings. That's something you must think about and how long you can cope with him. The main thing I'm struggling with here is , why on earth is he in these talks with his ex. To me it is massive flirting and he's holding on to her by doing this. So in a way there's a danger that they could get back together down this route. Doesnt he know how to maintain sensible conversations with people, because to me he is using the flirting as a sense of hiding behind his true nature. Psychologists would call this a 'wall of talk'. Do you know the true person beneath it. Let him know he doesnt need to act like this and let his true personality come out, instead of the comedien in him. I'll bet some people don't really like filthy talk and it could hold him back when he presumes that everyone likes it, because they don't.
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