A
female
age
36-40,
*airytale128
writes:My boyfriend went home for two weeks and came back different. We texted over the phone while he was gone and he seemed fine. However, when I picked him up from the airport he did not seem impressed to see me. He acted somewhat aloof. Since then, he has wanted to lead a different type of life. He wants to meet more people(we don't have many friends). He even wants to backpack, which I am not as interested in as we are both in our 30's. He does want me to go with him. He also has been making his own plans to meet up with people he knows on the weekend without asking me beforehand if I want to do something together. What do you think has happened? I feel like I am with a stranger.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (17 January 2017):
 Is it possible that he is just feeling that his life has no direction. Maybe distance from you made him realize that you are both stuck in a routine and not meeting new people. Therefore he wants to change things up. He is making plans with you as well as without which shows that he does still see you in his life. However I honestly think the best thing to do is just talk to him and tell him how you are feeling.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2017): Well, trip let-down is a REAL THING girl! And it is often even worse when accompanied with jet lag! I was happy to see my boyfriend after a trip I took, but started crying shortly after for no reason. So, I think this could explain him seeming distant. Evidently his trip also brought out a renewed desire for adventure and seeing new places. He said he wants to do this with you. At this point I think you should take him at his word. I know some people are saying maybe he cheated, and of course you can't rule that out entirely, but I think that the more likely situation is just that he is caught a travel bug and is a bit down to come back to daily life in the same old country, when he could be backpacking around the world with you! I honestly think you could find adventures closer to home, and this fantasy of SO much travelling will pass. But I guess you will have to wait and see. Maybe do a little trip with him to appease him. I'm never one to disregard your gut feeling however-- if you truly suspect or have a sixth sense he cheated on vacation, I would do some digging into that (maybe try to look at his messages). But that would be if there are other signs like he is disinterested in sex with you, etc. I think YOU know your man best so know which scenario is most likely. You can have a convo with him as well about fidelity in a relationship (just act open to hearing what he has to say) and see where his head is at.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2017): Well, OP, my first thought about my boyfriend coming back distant after going on vacation without me is did he cheat on me? And now feels guilty or has pulled away? Or maybe even wants to continue a long distance love affair with her and without you in the picture? Who knows? A little far fetched but all is possible. Men cheat on holiday if an opportunity arises. I honestly don't think it would be that easy to land a woman in such a short time but you never know if two people lock eyes across a room and have the same intentions. Women on holiday are often looking to get banged just as men are. No strings. Nobody knows. Then back to real life. To be honest, I don't get the appeal. It would all be so impersonal and unfulfilling. I would rather take matters into my own hands.In the big picture, two weeks is no time at all. There should not be any significant changes in such a short time frame. Some people go away for a lot longer than that and come back missing their significant others. I am interested to know if he was distant before he left. And if there were issues in your relationship before his vacation? Maybe he used the time away to think and made some decisions about your future. Maybe he has been distancing himself to give you a hint. Most guys have no balls when it comes to leaving a relationship. So they act like assholes til the woman has had enough and does the dirty work. Distancing is never a good sign. It is passive aggressive behaviour which is mean and cruel. Being open and honest is always best, even if the truth hurts. He is immature and selfish and mean. And has no regard for your feelings. Women are always frightened when their man distances himself. Sometimes it is due to things which have nothing to do with us. Sometimes it is temporary and he needs space and comes back on his own. And sometimes it is a sign of things to come and a bad sign for our relationship.I suggest you ask him why he is distancing himself from you. That you have noticed all the changes you have pointed out to us. Why has he changed since he's been gone and is he still interested in being with you? Or does he want to move on? Ask him all these questions point blank. Tell him you want the truth. You can handle it. It is not fair on you to be with a man who is not interested. Some guys are afraid to leave even when you tell them the score. But they will stay and keep ignoring you. And be wishy washy. Maybe because of the sex or convenience or comfort. But if you do not think he is treating you right or cares about you, you will know this from your gut and from his actions. His words are one thing but actions are what count. Value yourself to get out and move on if he is a distant ^^^^ole. Let him have his space. Permanently. But also realize that he has to work at it if he really does care. He has to work at being a good boyfriend. If he can't do that, despite his words, you do not want to cause yourself further pain enduring a man who will not love you back.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 January 2017):
 I think he met someone over the vacation (not in a romantic way) who asked him what he wants to do with his life. And he had a long and hard think about it, and this is what he wants. To travel, to meet more people, to live more and not always be at home doing nothing.
Of course you can back back, just because you're over 30 doesn't mean you aren't capable of having a back pack on your shoulders or travel by train etc. I mean what does age have to do with that at all? It just shows how you feel you should not LIVE or go on adventures because you feel like you are too old.
Well, he's reached his time of grasping the opportunity and living in the moment. And it seems you're not ready to keep up.
If you want a man who just sits at home, it appears you need to find yourself a new boyfriend. Because whatever happened on his vacation (it might even have started before the vacation, and you just not noticing it as much), this is who he wants to be now. And you can not ask him to go back.
If you want to keep this relationship, you need to seriously consider traveling more, if not back packing then at least a longer tour through Europe for example, about a month at least. These are things you want to do NOW, especially, before you have kids and "settle". I think that is what he is afraid of, that he will settle down and get all dusty. Show him you're up for adventure too, maybe a different kind of adventure, but you definitely need to get on board with his. Or else he will leave and find someone else who wants to travel with him.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (15 January 2017):
 As I see it, you have reached a crossroads in your relationship and you have two choices: go with him or let him go. Only you can decide which it is to be.
Perhaps you could agree to go backpacking for a shorter time than him (if you have responsibilities - e.g. job), or even think of something different you can do together.
It sounds like he is not ready to settle down just yet (which is ok - if he is not ready, he is not ready; these things cannot be forced). If you have reached a stage in your life where you DO want to settle down (again, that is ok), perhaps you are at different stages in your lives and you both need to look round for different partners.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (15 January 2017):
 While it does seem a little odd that your boyfriend appears to have changed while he was away you can take heart from the fact he wants to try new things WITH YOU!
Maybe he sees the relationship in a bit of a rut, the fact you feel you are not interested in back packing because you are in your 30s suggest that you are not interested in trying new things .... 30 is not too old to be backpacking, I know lots of older, senior people who backpack or cycle, a friend has been cycling through Thailand and Burma, he had to wait until he was retired to be able to do it!
Whats wrong with meeting new friends? Where is the problem in that, especially as you agree you don't have many friends.
Maybe he doesn't ask you about meeting up with people on weekends because he is worried you will say no.
I think what has happened is that he took the time away to reflect on his life, and the direction it is taking, and has made a decision to change direction and make it more interesting by trying new things.
You need to decide if you are going to join him, or demand he stay as he is, in a little box, with you. If he is already unsettled, or restless, or wanting to do different things how long do you think your relationship will last if you are not prepared to grow and change along side him?
He wants to go exploring, he wants to take you with him .. you haven't mentioned ties, such as children or bed ridden parents, so what's holding you back?
Think about it, because obviously he has.
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