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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I have no idea why my boyfriend does this but it is driving me insane. I am not very jealous, but my boyfriend purposely does things that are disrespectful because he knows I don't like it.For example, last night we went to dinner and were waiting for our table at the bar. Our wait was supposed to be about an hour, but I said i was fine just ordering and eating at the bar. As soon as we sat down I saw him look at the other side of the bar and kind of smile at a girl that was sitting there with her friends. Later he said he was going to go ask that group of friends how long they had been waiting for a table, and I told him not to and that we could just eat at the bar. He did it anyway, and sure enough talked to the girl that he had stared at before. He came back to sit down and I told him he just had to talk to that girl because he found her attractive or whatever, and he acted annoyed and said he knew i was going to say something about it.my question is, if he constantly tells me how he thinks i'm the most beautiful girl in the world, why does he do things like this, when he knows I don't like it? does he just have no respect for me, or he just can't help himself? do other guys do things like this? it just makes me feel so bad about myself. I know there is always going to be someone prettier than me, but why does my own boyfriend have to find excuses to talk to these girls? I don't even really think she was prettier than me anyway. It just makes me sad. And i don't know what I'm supposed to do about it. I could flirt with and talk to guys in his presence, but I choose not to because i respect him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): That would cause me to go "Jerry Springer" right on the scene! I'm not a scene maker by any means but that's one thing that would make me snap to the point where I make myself look like an ass.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): I don't think you should feel down or sad..hes disrespectful I don't kno if he constantly does this but it's rude especially in your presence..hopefully your not overlooking the situation but if your not he definitely is disrespectful and you deserve better and should move on
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A
female
reader, svf  +, writes (7 February 2011):
 I think that he's behaving like a lowlife jerk!He knows that this will upset you, yet not only is he staring at other women - he is manoeuvring situations so that he can actually go up and speak to them! What a Jerk!I know everyone say's 'all guys look', but this takes it to a whole new level. It must be very hard for you when you love him so much and he is breaking your heart so casually, easily and insultingly. If you can stomach more arguments, tell him you don't appreciate being treated like ‘sloppy-seconds’ and next time just simply stand up and walk off. You are his girlfriend, not some 'plain Jane' who happens to be sitting next to him at the bar! If he wants to be single then he’s going the right way about it!By the way, I also get jealous if my boyfriend looks at another woman because he doesn't just look - he OGLES! We have had a few fights about it, and he tells me he doesn't realise he's doing it. Sometimes I agree with him, and other time's I see him just flat out ogling. However, we have had many talks about it, and he has changed or at least tries hard not to look. I tell him that he only sees me for a few hours in the day, so he can bloody well treat me with respect. I am 38 years old and have been hurt way too many times in the past by my cheating/leering ex-boyfriend, so he knows I have insecurities about this issue. He can stare and ogle all he wants when I am not there (which I still think is bloody disgusting anyway). If he truly loves, appreciates and respects you, he will make an effort to change. The funny thing is that I am an attractive woman also and I find it annoying when men ‘ogle’ me. I just think they're all a bunch of sleaze-buckets. I am one of those women who talks to WOMEN as much as men, and believe me, if someone is staring at me, I just look away, PARTICULARLY if the man has a girlfriend, as I KNOW what it is like to be in her shoes.Your boyfriend should be treating YOU like a Princess, not making you feel insecure about your own looks. You are a gorgeous young woman, not some door-stop.Good luck with this one, but I think he is behaving completely inappropriately in front of you, and - he had better watch it - next time it may be YOU walking over to some hot looking guy, but this time it will be you who is doing the walking... as in walking off into the sunset with SOMEONE ELSE who is more worthier of your time!If your boyfriend reacts so defensively about it (as did mine at first) tell him you're over it and you'll find someone else who can keep their eyes to themselves during the time they have with you. It can't be that hard surely? I guess all men look, but they do the quick glance/once-over and we girlfriends shouldn’t have to notice it. There is never any reason to chat-up another woman in front of you - unless it's Elle Macpherson for an autograph(!) you are entitled to feel seriously annoyed!!Good luck with your situation, I hope he apologises properly,Sammyx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): I think that the main reason people flirt with others while in a relationship is not necessarily because they find others more attractive, they just like they confidence boost they get from it. The reason I say "people" is because this applies to both men and women. Your dude might be a little insecure, so he feels the need to seek attention from other women (and often) as reassurance that he's good enough for you. Or maybe he's afraid of losing you and that's why he does it in front of you, as a way to show you he could replace you to keep you more interested. You can't ever expect him to admit that, and I would go as far as to say it's possible he doesn't even realize that's why he's doing it. Have you ever actually straight up asked him why he does it? Did he deny it? Or did he reply with something insensitive such as "well I'm a guy and all guys do it, get over it" or "stop being so jealous"? Those are all cop-outs to avoid admitting insecurity. How does he treat you otherwise? If everything else in your relationship is going well, I'd say his own insecurities are the only reason he flirts. And that has nothing to do with you, so you can breathe a sigh of relief. I also have to ask, don't you feel the least bit flattered when you catch another guy checking you out? And it doesn't mean you're interested in the guy, it just means you enjoy the attention. Wouldn't you be concerned and start to question your boyfriends compliments (more than you already have) if no one other than your boyfriend ever looked at you? Everyone wants to feel like they can still turn a few heads, especially if they've been with the same person for a long time. Try to put yourself in his shoes, and I think you'll better understand his behavior which will make it not bother you nearly as much. And once he sees it no longer bothers you, perhaps he'll stop.
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female
reader, WowJustWow  +, writes (7 February 2011):
The simple answer to your question is this: You can do better. If this hurts you, and happens regularly, then you are better off ending the relationship and spending time with people who genuinely care about you.
I know that doesn't directly answer the question that you asked, but I can only guess at that: He's deeply insecure; he doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore and he's trying to get you to do the dirty work; he's a narcissist; or he's very, very immature.
Whatever it is, my first answer stands.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): I would not accept that behavior, he is rude, disrespectful, and immature. If he wants to be free to flirt with strangers in that manner he shouldn't have a gf.
"I could flirt with and talk to guys in his presence, but I choose not to because i respect him. "
He doesn't deserve your respect unfortunately.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): 1. Clearly tell him it makes you upset. If he cares for you, he will attempt to correct his behavior.
2. Please come to accept that it's really hard for men not to look. Let him look. Flirting, however, is another matter.
3. If he cannot change his behavior, then you must be prepared to accept hat part of who he is. If you can't do this, it would be best to move on.
4. Don't forget to work on your self confidence.
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