A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:So I'm a horn dog. I like sex and enjoy masturbation. My boyfriend is the opposite from me. He enjoys pleasure however does not want to do it often. I tell him I don't want him watching porn, However I watched it yesterday night and he caught me. He is very angry and called me a hypocrit. I always check up on him because i have trust issues from past relationships and cheating. I also always felt insecure when my other boyfriends watched porn, that is why I don't allow it in my current relationship. He said he doesn't want to touch me anymore And I can just masturbate to porn by myself. He felt that I was hiding this behind his back, but to tell the truth it's embarrassing. Especially because I'm a girl watching porn. I don't know what to do! I feel guilty about this. I don't want to discuss this with him because it'll make me feel embarrassed and i wouldn't know what to say. Should I give him space until he gets over it? What should I do to make him happy and gain his trust?
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female
reader, Pr3tty_in_pink86  +, writes (8 March 2013):
If you don't want your partner to watch porn you need to be upfront about it at the BEGINNING and completely abstain from it yourself. I had porn related problems in my previous relationship and believe me things got very grisly towards the end. If your boyfriend has abstained which I think he has then you are a very lucky woman, some of us aren't that lucky!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2013): Everyone else is right OP. but I'll make it simple for you.
Either both of you watch it or neither of you watch it. Make your choice but he has every right to dump you if you insist on having things your way.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 March 2013):
 Well telling him you don't want him watching porn and then watching it yourself does make you a hypocrite.
You say you don't allow porn in your current relationship but that's not true. YOU have porn in the relationship. You mean you don't want your man watching porn but think it's ok for you. Does that seem fair?
if you can't discuss your use of porn with your boyfriend due to embarrassment how can you have sex with him without embarrassment?
Not wanting him to watch porn due to your insecurity is wrong. If he watches porn to jerk off instead of having sex with you I can see why you don't want him to watch porn but you can't say to him "no porn for you" and then think it's ok for you to have porn.
rules in relationships have to apply to both people.
NO PORN in a relationship means NO PORN FOR EVERYONE.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 March 2013):
 "So I'm a horn dog." vs "What should I do to make him happy and gain his trust?"
"I don't want him watching porn" vs "I'm a girl watching porn"
Pose the entire question from the opposite position. Once you can see it from that side, you'll be able to figure out what to do. No one will be able to spoon feed you the answer, this is one of those things you will either get or you will not.
Why do you want to be with this guy in the first place?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 March 2013):
 Sorry, but that's the textbook definition of hypocrite. You demand he abstain from porn while you secretly masturbate to it. That's like a guy who's slept with 20 women demanding that he only date a virgin.
This guy is right to be pissed. You are ultra-controlling, won't discuss things with him, try to control his sexuality while hiding things from him, you're always checking up on him for everything, and quite frankly, you watching porn is simply the last straw for him with everything.
It's no excuse to have been burned by guys in the past, and it's cruel to hold future men responsible for past men. You don't get to "allow" things. You don't "allow" a guy to watch porn? You better never look at it or touch it ever again.
I honestly don't think you are ready for any kind of relationship, because you can't hold on too tight, and since relationships must have trust and honesty, you are incapable of neither.
You've got some work to do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2013): There is nothing wrong with a guy or girl watching porn. My boyfriend watches his type and I myself watch my type. Granted it more...I'm reading porn than watching it, not going to give too much info but I like reading comics with couplings I like and sometimes it could be rated M for sex of course and they show them having sex. In definition it is porn and I myself like it for the stories and how they end up having sex. Either way me and my boyfriend watch what we do for different reasons but we don't stop each other and we respect each other sexual release. First be comfortable with yourself. Don't punish yourself or beat yourself up just because you're a girl that watches porn. Either accept it and be more comfortable with your body and more comfortable with your boyfriend and his wishes. Or don't watch it and discuss it with your boyfriend. I believe we all have our fumbles and we will always become our own hypocrite but what is important is that you own up to your mistakes and let your boyfriend know what you did was wrong and that you need to prove to him you are trust worthy and in time you will hopefully see that he is trust worthy himself. You can't force trust or love. It has to be lived through.Just calm down and relax and know that many girls watch porn too. It's a new age and we're constantly trying to think what is accepted and not. Either you like porn or not and you made a mistake or you really do enjoy porn. Ask yourself this and make the choice that puts you and your boyfriend at ease. Wish you the best of luck and don't be afraid we all make mistakes just learn how to trust others and above all trust yourself.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (6 March 2013):
Since someone else got the scolding out of the way, I'd like to partially address your question.... In a second.
First of all, you should use this as an opportunity to think about how you treat your boyfriend. You do realize what you did was wrong, don't you? (the hypocrisy not the masturbating) Most people HATE hypocrites for a good reason.
You need to start treating him like he deserves to be treated, not how your exes deserve to be treated. If you thought watching porn was wrong you wouldn't have done it, so stop demanding he lives up to higher standards than yourself.
Tell him as much. Tell him that you didn't ask him to stop watching porn because you thought it was wrong, but because of your trust issues that have nothing to do with him. And from now on you won't treat him like that.
If you can't gather the courage to speak with him about it you will not be able to regain his trust and he'll be less trustworthy himself because, well, you're a hypocrite. And who knows what else you're lying about? Why should he be a good guy when you're not?
Being embarrassed about it is your punishment; talking with him and treating him better are the only ways you'll fix things.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2013): Yeah I agree you ARE a hypocrite. I understand youve been hurt in the past, and he respects you not wanting him to watch porn. HOWEVER the fact that you are watching porn when you asked him not to is a red flag for him. It feels like you betrayed him. Stop watching porn. Work on rebuilding trust.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (6 March 2013):
 Did you look up what the word hypocrite means? You ARE a hypocrite. You told him you don't want him watching porn because it makes you insecure, meanwhile you are doing it behind his back! Either you can both watch or neither can. You can't demand he stop to help your insecurities while you continue watching! Why do you think it's different if you watch than if he watches?
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