A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing my boyfriend for about four months now. Things were starting to get serious but then we had our first big fight. It was all done over the phone and we argued for about a week, both being too stubborn to meet up. He had the weekend off of work and instead of doing anything in regards to us, he claims he went out of state with a cousin, completely ignoring my messages and calls all weekend except for one time when I messaged him to tell him I love him and want to work things out. His reply was that I should move on, he's just trying to help me out by leaving me alone and to please stop loving him. It was a short conversation as I left him alone like he asked. Didn't hear from him or bother him the rest of the weekend, but then last night when he returned from his trip he messaged me to ask if I was ok and if I enjoyed my weekend. I briefly answered stuff and now I'm confused as to why he would message me after having said that stuff to me Friday night. What do you think his motives are or what red flags do you think are in this situation?
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (10 April 2018):
 Both of you are quite stubborn and unable to reach a compromise or even communicate effectively so guess what? You're incompatible (and still immature).
Regardless of why he is contacting you, the fact remains; he broke up with you and when you did honour his wishes, he came running back. Why? He is either playing a really sick game or he is trying to clear his own conscience... either way, it's selfish.
Do yourself a favour and get rid of his number. Block him. Move on. It's for the best. Hopefully you both learned something from this... compromise and maturity are necessary in an adult relationship.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2018): Leave him alone and please stop loving him.
he should be careful what he wishes for.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2018): Honor his request to move on. He has ignored all your calls and messages; and that was an attempt to go no contact. It means he has made his final-decision, and he's seriously standing behind it.
If you blow-up his phone with a load of messages; of course he will feel obligated to show some empathy and respond. What choice are you leaving him; if you're begging and pleading and not moving on as he has asked you to?
It's tough, but you torture yourself when you insist on begging someone to want you who has decided they don't.
You have to be strong, and let go.
Your relationship is only four months long. That's a lot easier to get-over than one a year or longer. You won't have to agonize as badly as you would over a much more established-relationship. Right-now it's your ego crushed by the rejection. You also feel grieved by a loss.
I know this doesn't help much; but time will heal.
Don't make anything more of his response to your messages; than to be merciful, not to show he has changed his mind. You also have to hold-on to your dignity. You need no one's pity; nor should your drown yourself in your own self-pity.
This is where we have to be grown-up. If you're over 25, this isn't your first breakup. You should have some strength on reserve to pull you through.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 April 2018):
 What do I think you should do?
I think you should take your "bf" advice and move on. Wish him well, end it and BLOCK all contact.
You two are not a good match and abysmally BAD at communicating with each other.
Why would he text and "chat" ? Because now he is back in town... He wanted attention and figure YOU would give it to him.
YES, it's a HUGE red flag that you two spend a WEEK fighting over the phone like a couple of preteens! It's immature and quite frankly POINTLESS!
And YES, it's a red flag that he IGNORES the unresolved issue and thinks you can just pick up where you left off now that he is back from his vacation.
It's ONLY been 4 months together and you two can figure out how to deal with conflict in the relationship like adults, that would be a HUGE neon sign that you two need to MOVE on and grow up.
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