A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am currently in a relationship with my long-term girlfriend of 2.5 years. We have a great relationship and our sex life is great, I care about her and whenever we are together we enjoy each others company; we even are planning a future together. However, for a long time I have always felt curious about sexual encounters with other men, although I have never acted out my fantasies I regularly watch gay pornography and recently chatted anonymously to another bisexual guy on a webcam for the first time. Our relationship is long distance so between seeing each other I feel my needs to be met sexually and have discovered the webcam a way of doing that; she has been very busy with work (I am still a student) so I haven't spoken to her about this. I dont know what to do as I feel its likely I am bisexual with the fantasies I do have and recently acting on them. I have never had any cheated on her with another man or woman before or during this relationship. Should I tell her the truth or let this remain as a fantasy as I have done for a long time?. I do love and care for her and want a future with her long term.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2018): If your not cheating as you say then let her sit back and watch you on one of these webcam sessions . Then let her decide . You and I both know you would never want her to see you cheating like that
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2018): You say you've never cheated but most women would most definately consider webcam cheating
I know I do
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2018): You are dead wrong, OP.
Selfish, oblivious, mean and cruel. You have no business being in a committed relationship with anyone. You are not ready for that. It is obvious by your lack of caring for your partner and the fact that you are clearly unaware of your own sexuality as you are just now experimenting with it. The closest you have ever been to seeing through your fantasies to reality. By this point, you should have known and you should have already decided if you were going to follow the path of having sex with men vs. women. But no, you hid it from her, perhaps even yourself, and now that the itch has become too unbearable not to scratch, this revelation is coming to a head. And you are trying to justify your actions by appearing confused or like this is some sort of affliction you are powerless against. You have the power to stop thinking with your penis. You have the power to do the right thing. You have the power to treat your GF with love and respect and most of all KINDNESS.
You cannot have a future with her if you are struggling with these demons, straddling the edge of falling off the cliff. And you did. What you did is full on cheating. You crossed the line, OP. Do not come here confessing to us in order to relieve your guilt and make what you did ok, so that you can continue that delusion of a perfect, white picked fenced life that you envisioned with this woman. You destroyed that. It can no longer be. It would all be built on lies and deception. These lies and deception would continue indefinitely until she finds out and at that time, you will have destroyed her completely.
It is best to come to terms with who you are. There is no shame in having bisexual urges. But the shame comes in deceiving the person who loves you in order to get what you want. You cannot have both. If you try, your house of cards is going to fall down hard and fast. It is just a matter of time. And you will not be able to handle looking at this woman, being torn apart right before your very eyes, knowing you are the cause. She trusts you, OP. That means never to hurt her. That is a huge responsibility she has placed on you. HONOUR it. HONOUR her. Or walk away. Commitment is loving another person and doing what is best for them, not best for you.
Weak men take the easy road. Commitment means doing the right thing time and again, even after you have lost the desire to. That is what making a commitment is all about.
If you want to go around and fuck men for pleasure, go and do it. But leave your GF and kiss goodbye to the future you have planned with her. If you do not wish to do that, then you need to stop what you are doing now. And never do it again. Can you truly look at yourself in the mirror and know you will never want to be with a man ever again?
I think it is best you leave her. And explore your sexuality. And be single. Maybe in time you can settle down and decide who you are and what you want. Right now, I think you are very mixed up. Please do not take her down with you. She deserves better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2018): Are you asking for permission to cheat on your girlfriend to satisfy what you've called a curiosity? You're planning a future together. A future to do what? As a couple? Do you mean marriage and children?
I'll give you a gay-man's opinion. Sometimes a same-sex curiosity goes no further than fantasy. When it becomes a compulsion or a drive; you've crossed the line. You're already cheating by discussing gay-sex with another man. You watch gay-porn.
This all means you had better stop discussing future-plans about where your relationship is going with a woman; when your plans include having sex with men!!!
If you do decide to tell her. You should also be totally honest and unselfish; and be prepared to end a relationship that you are already starting to drift-away from.
Your mind and desires are roaming outside the confines of your commitment to a heterosexual-female.
The odds are against her cheer-leading you on about it are nil, zero, and impossible! When you give your heart to someone you believe to be heterosexual; the last thing you want to hear is they may be attracted someone else different from you. Let alone that means someone of the same-sex!
You desire to be with a man. It's far beyond fantasy; if you watch gay-porn on a regular-basis. You just haven't physically-executed it; but you're close to it. I recommend you stop watching the porn! It's probably too late!
You may ease your own conscience by saying you've never cheated; but psychologically and technically, you most certainly have. You're contacting another man; which is setting yourself up for a full-on sexual-encounter. Teasing and tempting yourself; while secretly betraying her trust.
How can you let it remain a fantasy; if you watch gay-porn and you're having webcam-sessions with a guy!
When you commit to a relationship; you go exclusive 100%, and all your alternative-fantasies and commitment-killing curiosities are placed on indefinite hold.
Come to terms with who you are and what your sexual-orientation is. Don't fill her head with false-hope and deception. It isn't fair!
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (9 April 2018):
 Own up. Chatting anonymously on webcam in a sexual nature IS cheating.
Talk to her. You need to figure out if you want time to experiment with men AS A SINGLE MAN.
Maybe she'd be okay with you experimenting, but not behind her back because that's just plain cheating, even online.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (9 April 2018):
 So because you are bi-sexual it's OK for you to cheat? Is that what you are asking?
Chatting anonymously with other men and web-camming in a sexual manner is cheating in my book. ANYTHING that you do not SHARE with your partner (like that) is cheating.
If SHE was doing this with other guys, would you be OK with it? (or other women)... I bet you, you wouldn't like it ONE bit.
Yes, you should tell her, so SHE can decide if this is OK in YOUR relationship or not. You are hiding it from her because you know deep down it's not OK and being bi-sexual is no excuse for what you are doing.
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