A
female
age
30-35,
*idsummer
writes:I have a big big issue. My mom and boyfriend don't like each other at all. My mom thinks my bf is rude and doesn’t like her, and he thinks she's annoying, and rude. Yes it is true that my mom can be very annoying, at times but there isn’t really much I can do about it. In the beginning when we first moved in together, she would come over on weekends, but then he started complaining about it and I told her not to come over too often. Now, she found out and is totally against him and because of other things he does. His family invited me for a breakfast brunch and my mom doesn’t want me to go. Because she says that they didn’t invite her and if we live together, she should also hangout with his family too. And she has gotten the idea that they just want me, but not her. It's so complicated and I honestly don’t know what to do. I want to be well with my mom, but I also want to be well with my boyfriend. Yes it’s true that she hasn’t met his family, but that’s because they live in PA, and I don't know if it would be weird for me to ask my bf if I can invite her too. I just need some good and helpful advice guess! Thanks
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female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (13 March 2016):
 Time for mum to cut the apron strings. How utterly ridiculous to expect that she should be included in such things . This is your relationship to do whatever , when ever and with whom ever, not hers. Personally, I'd be sitting them both down and let them know that their attitude towards each other is being disrespectfully unfair to you.
A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (13 March 2016):
 Hopefully none of that bad blood between them is due to the month-long trip you took with your mother and weren't honest with your boyfriend about. You didn't happen to blame either of them to the other, did you?
You mentioned in that earlier post that she was newly retired, so the odds are good that she hasn't yet found ways to completely fill the time and space that her job, whatever it was, occupied in her life. Now that she doesn't have coworkers to talk to it sounds like she has been relying on you to provide social interaction. When you asked her not to come over as often she may have taken it personally and, yes, blamed your boyfriend for his indirect role in it because he's now the center of your attention. From the sound of things she is now looking for stuff about him to dislike and has seized on the fact that his family didn't invite her to this brunch.
This certainly isn't healthy or rational behavior on her part. You are not solely responsible for her social life, and as of your post in December you'd been dating your boyfriend for six months. Doing the math, you've been a couple for nine or ten months now. This is hardly a time frame that obligates meeting of families to the extent that failing to enable such a meeting is any kind of faux pas on your part or your boyfriend's.
So don't tolerate the drama she's trying to start, but try to be tactful about shutting her down. Let her know (politely) that you and your boyfriend will be attending the brunch as a couple rather than a trio, but perhaps you can also offer some kind of compromise - for example, inviting his family to your area for a meal or an outing where she will be free to attend and introduce herself.
Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (12 March 2016):
 "Relationships" which have more than TWO (2) people in them are tenuous/stressful, at best......
YOU and BOYFRIEND need to sit down and decide HOW MANY people there are in YOUR (and HIS) relationship.
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 March 2016):
 I think your mom needs to get a grip. His family do NOT have to invite HER to a brunch. YOU are the one dating their son. SHE is your mother.
And no I would NOT invite her as well. That is just weird.
Just because you and your BF are dating doesn't mean SHE has to socialize with HIS family or vice verse. IT seems to me that your mom is bored and using YOUR relationship to get out and meet new people. Does she not have much of a social life herself? The fact that she just showed up every week-end expecting you and your BF to entertain her seems a bit weird, IMHO.
Maybe instead you could talk to your BF and find a way for him and your mom to bury the hatchet.
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