A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. We had sex once 8 months into the relationship which was painful for me and resulted in cystitis. We tried to have sex twice since then but each time has been so painful we have had to stop attempting it. I have never had this problem with previous partners although my current partner is bigger than them. I also wondered if it was psychological in nature in that my partner is the first one I haven't used a condom with and I have always been extremely careful (I am on The Pill). My partner was very supportive and caring about it at the time as he knew I felt bad about it. We haven't had full sex in 4 months and he doesn't initiate full sex at all now (does he fear hurting me). The lack of full sex hadn't bothered me too much (and appears not to have bothered him too much) as we have been doing other sexual things but now my boyfriend cannot ejaculate whereas previously when I have done all these things he had. I performed oral and hand on him for 45 minutes last week and he didn't come. We eventually stopped. I didn't make a big deal about it but he blamed it on his drinking. Now, all the physical part of the relationship has all but dried up from him and I am dreadfully unhappy about it. We used to enjoy passionate kissing outside the bedroom and my boyfriend would cuddle me all night in bed. I have been initiating things instead but when I try to cuddle him I get no response and if i try to hold his hand he'll find an excuse to move away. I don't know how to approach him with regards to our sex life. I don't want to hurt his feelings. I felt so desired when we first went out together but now I feel like he doesn't care if I am there or not. I wanted to try to make love to him this morning but he was very tired (I have been wondering if he is depressed, maybe due to his long work hours and drinking) so I left him in bed. I waited downstairs to have breakfast with him but he had to leave because he was late for an appointment. The passionate kissing we used to share when leaving was replaced with a closed kiss on the lips. We can't afford counselling of any kind as I have been made redundant. I am at a loss as to know what to do. We had spoken of having children in the future but how can we with our disasterous love life!
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female
reader, haley92  +, writes (15 August 2009):
try an extreme lubricant, ive had the same problem and going with out it can tear your vaginal walls causing infection. full intercourse is not all important to some. try other things. play games and find more tips to keep the bedroom spark alive
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2008): Maybe ms anonymous, but there is another school of thought that says openess and communication in the bedroom can solve all kinds of problems. I'm sure most boyfriends perfer their partners to explore sex with them rather than going it alone.... Blessings
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2008): Don't start getting into anything freaky with him like vibrators and cucumbers. If you want to do that, do it to yourself, not with him.
Just make sure you are really lubricated and let him go real slowly. Tell him to use his fingers first, gently. Maybe try a different position.
Good luck!
If you ever break up with him, someday you will be longing for his big azz dick!
The tiny ones always leave you wanting more!!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2008): Hey the same thing happened to me and my boyfriend. We couldn't attempt sex for a year and a half we were having problems because it hurted me too much. basically i was scared of pain because all the times he tried to penetrate me it hurted like hell! I thought i had vaginismus. It wasn't like 2 months ago when my boyfriend started pulling away just like your boyfriend is doing so i worried that he was going to find someone else so i got to work. I went to a therapist like 3 times a week i started dilating on my own, its also a good idea for him to finger you with a lot of lube beforehand and that helped me a lot. Then one day we finally did it and we used a lot of KY lube that helps a lot but i was all happy cause it finally went in and i feel our relationship is started to get stronger after that. I think the main problem here for you guys its the lube so i suggest you use that
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2008): Dash, your question is a hard one. And my might be long as this will take some time. Please read ahead everybody else.
OK, boyfriend too large. Poor you. BigSis is right, lubricant will help. But that probably won't be enough. Trying to fit your boyfriend will take a bit of time, so it's good your in a steady relationship and thinking about kids. I can see why he might not want to wear a condom, it might cause problems for him. But your problem is solvable. But first we got to talk about him.
Your boyfriend and his penis "Johnny" have become frightened and scared. They like you and they like having sex with you, but they like you so much that they don't want to hurt you. This must be hard for the both of them. Sex to you means pain, sex to them means pleasure. I can see why your boyfriend pulls away and "Johnny Penis" refuses to come up to play anymore.
I know money is short, but you need to get a couple of vibrators, different sizes and one as large as your man. (If you can find one... LOL) Go on, have fun, sex should be fun, and you'll need his help, if you want to beat this problem and have children.
Women can stretch, they have to, because they give birth to kids. Well you have to be stretched too, because your boyfriend is not the average size. Get him to use the vibrators on you, starting with the smallest first, and gradually increasing in size. If money is short, I think you can use a cucumber instead.... LOL... Don't be embarrased, have fun and joy with this, a kind of intense preperation and foreplay, so to say.
One he's using the vibrator's on you, he can gage your size, how much you can take, and the best movements to give you pleasure. He should be having so much fun, that he should get excited and his dick should come up. You'll need a lot of foreplay, take a bath before sex to get relaxed, you need to feel very relaxed and forget about previous pain, to start accepting him again. If he wants to have sex, just take in the tip, or first few inches. Use your hand to keep him out, you need to stay in control and make sure he dosen't thrust too hard and cause you pain again.
You need to have sex very regularly and follow the sequence and routine every time. In time your brain and body will relax, becuase you know he can't hurt and you stay in control. Changing positions will help, doggy style on your knees, means that you can move off him if he ever looses control. Eventually your boyfriend and "Johnny Penis" will also learn how to move, and they will feel comfortable with sex, knowing that they won't hurt you again. You are trying to stick something large inside, and it hurts and feels tight. Pregnant women get 9months to expand, and still it hurts. You need to expand too, but you get to take your time, and take it slow.
Your boyfriend is pulling away because him and "Johnny Penis" feel sad. They want you and they feel rejected, ugly and big and clumsy. Neither one of them has a clue. But you do, because your a woman, you went looking for advice. Tell your boyfriend how much you miss him, how much you love him and want him in your bed. Tell him, you love him so much, you can stand a little bit of pain. Then do just what I told you to do.
He has to get you so arroused that your vagina expands and things become easier. Use fantasy and porn if that turns you on, get him to say rude stuff, or just whisper loving words in your ear. Unfortunately for him, he has to wait, you have to get arroused first. Him and Johnny get the back seat, as they have to give you pleasure first. They can't even get overexcited because they have to remain sensible, so they don't thrust to hard.
I wish you both every sucess. Take things slow, stretch yourself out slowly with your boyfriends help. Yoga would help too. Don't be discouraged, this will take some time, but imagine after a year of regular sex, how comfortable and experienced you both will be. I wish you and he good luck, and hope everything turns out ok. Don't forget to update and tell us how you got on. Blessings.
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A
female
reader, BigSis +, writes (21 July 2008):
 You have my sympathy's there hon, it must be putting such a strain on your relationship.
You've probably tried this, but I'm going to mention it anyway, have you tried different kinds of lubrication? If you haven’t then try it now.
There's so many different brands of lube (organic, sugar-free, chocolate, strawberry, espresso-flavored, etc.) and they all make sex more comfortable and fun by making it more slippery.
Some women say they don’t “need” lube because they lubricate a lot on their own, but it may not be enough. If you’re having intercourse with someone with a big penis then I recommend using extra lube.
Try experimenting with a few different kinds to see if a thicker or thinner lube is best for you, and if you’re already prone to yeast infections, avoid lubricants with glycerin.
Best of luck and hope you can resolve this problem.
BigSis
xXx
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