A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Please i need advice.Me and my bf broke up about a month ago after a 2 year relationshp the reason was coz he thinks i'm too controlling, well i have to agree sumtimz i was.I still love him to death, i feel lost without him in my life. I know that he also still loves me or that's what i hope for. He has been sending me msgs every morning how much he luv me and hw special i am to him. He even said that i hve his heart:( i just wonder if it's all true. Last week he sent me an sms that says he wants me back coz he miss me too much. this wkend he popped in by me, we kissed and i feel that was a mistake coz we not back together,when he left i asked him what if i'm willing to accept you jst for who u are and will never ever try to control you, he answered: let's wait a while let things fall into place by it's own:(that was really in my face. Why did he say that i thought he wanted me back, it feels like only half of him wants me back but all of me wants him back. It hurts. I don't eva want to push him..but why keep on smsing me that he still love me so much, even mentioned that he wants to get married with me one day.He called this morning that he wants me to come to his grandma's birthday party which is on saturday, i'm really nt sure if i want to go, i'm afraid that he's fam is going to think that i'm walking after him although all of them like me alot especially his mom. Why does he want me to go to this party? Should i go, should i ask him to come pick me up before the party, coz i think that will look better when we arrive at the party together. Will we ever get back together again or should i jst move on with my life:(
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): sounds to me like his very confused,thing is how controlling were you?did you really love him truly or did you just love controlling him and dominating his life.sounds to me like you hav a chance of getting back together but things could go wrong again if you dont change your controlling behavour,thing is you should accept him for who he is anyway.you love him dont you?well i think theres a chance.although im still with someone who controlls me n it aint nice.
A
male
reader, Frustrated1  +, writes (19 May 2009):
If you really want things to work out with him, you will need to loosen up the noose from around his neck. I've been with women that try to be controlling, and it never works. Relationships aren't supposed to be about "control", they are supposed to be about "love".
You control THINGS, not people. You'd be wise to learn this with every relationship.
Trying to control someone else is an insecurity that YOU have. An insecurity about being "out of control", therefore, needing to control others so you feel like you have some sort of handle on your own life.
Have him come pick you up. Before you leave for the party, grab his face, and say "I'm sorry. I know that I was controlling and you didn't deserve that. Will you forgive me?"
Guys like directness and honesty.
If he accepts, you'll probably be headed back down a good path. You need to really work on changing the controlling aspect of yourself, and ask him to help you with it. If he says you are being controlling... you need to stop and listen, and think of another way to do things.
Anyhow, just my opinions. I hope they help.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): thx gina your advice is much appreciated
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