A
female
age
30-35,
*eather016
writes:My boyfriend and his ex??He had not have feelings for his ex for over a year and split with her three months ago but he still texts her. He says that he pities her because she's suffering from depression and threatens to commit suicide every day. She's lonely and has no other friends. I feel terrible to know this too but he's now my boyfriend. What should I do? It would be cruel for me to ask him not to text her anymore, seeing that she's having depression and that I feel sad for her too. What should I do? Which ethic should I be practising now?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2010): So he is being nice and being "there" for his ex girlfriend at the cost of disrespecting you. You are his girlfriend and the only woman he should be talking to, which if that were the case, this would be a HEALTHY relationship and it should be the ONLY type of treatment that you should tolerate. But as you can see he has baggage. His behavior is unacceptable and it is going to have severe consequences on your self esteem.
If I were you I would walk away quietly, but walk away. If you even have to explain to his guy how wrong it is that he is doing this, (which you do), I guarantee you he is NOT WORTH IT. You are only hurting yourself by staying with this creep. For this drama? For this mediocrity? I would walk away giddy!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2010): If you can, do what you suggest. take control and offer to meet her and help her from a female perspective. This will stop her having any ulterior motive, if indeed she does but it will quash it once and for all. I don't like these situations as some men seem to quite like dependent women who they can help it. It invariably leads to trouble with existing partners. My husband had a girlfriend once who had no money, didn't work , had a child etc and he basically furnished her house. He liked to be needed in that way. When we got married she would still ring and say things were hard, the kid didn't have shoes , there was no money for the electric etc but she still had a 42 inch plasma tv and smoked 40 cigs a day. Used to drive me mad and he still gave money to her all the time. I did tell him that I wanted it to stop and he said he would but I know he still did things for her behind my back. Now she has another man and doesn't bother with him at all anymore other than to moan.
The thing with this is you can ask somebody to stop doing something and give as many valid reasons as you can muster but unless the person really wants to stop themselves they will just continue and do it behind your back.
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A
female
reader, jo44  +, writes (19 June 2010):
sorry to sound harsh you have no connection with this woman,why has he ? no children to worry about? would he feel comfortable if it was the other way round? i bet he wouldnt!! great that he cares about someone whos suicidal but she must have family to talk to. i think you should either tell him you arent happy or get really involved and offer to talk to her with a female view or suggest you all meet up to talk and help her get sorted. dont just let it carry on without some input from you if you feel this relationship is a long termer.dont get angry what ever you decide,be understanding but firm.
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