A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and i have been together for 3 years now, and he was going away on a family holiday for 2 days. When he came back i didnt see him because he had to go straight to work when he got home, but that night he texted me saying he had went to a brothel and had sex with a prostitute whilst on holiday. i was so upset and im finding it quite hard to cope. He has then told me how sorry he was and how he will spend forever making it up to me. He comes over alot and tries to make me happy. But i feel like everytime we get in trouble or have problems he does something stupid and it always involves another girl. He has prevously added girls on facebook and tried to hit on them. He is my bestfriend and sometimes i see how much he regrets what he did to me, but im so confused and not sure if im making the right decision by taking him back. Im not sure if ill be able to cope without him, i cant even go an hour without thinking about him, he has always been there through my toughest times. But this whole situation has left me with no confindence or self-esteem and when we see each other im always anxious he is looking at other girls. He is trying to make it up to me and he tells me im the only girl he wants, but is it really true that once a cheater, always a cheater? Its unbelievably hard to trust him right now, but i really just want things to be better for us. Is it possible? and how am i to know he is telling the truth and won't do this again?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2010): I'm as guilible as anyone but I know you don't go away for holiday and wind up at a brothel against your will. Even so, if this were a first time thing, the fact he told you immediately tells me he regrets it. But you have said this is not the first time he's caused problems for the two of you and they usually involve other girls. I'm as forgiving as the next person. But things aren't going to change. He may truly love you, but why then is he clearly hurting you? You deserve better.best of luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010): your bf of 3 years goes away FOR 2 DAYS ONLY and he cheats . trust? what trust?
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (6 June 2010):
 Ok.. I'm swayed.. one mistake, forgive and forget...
And watch him like a hawk, especially when he gets upset..
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 June 2010):
 jmtmj said it, and I second.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (6 June 2010):
 Time to re-post as prettyinpink90 you reckon Q?
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (6 June 2010):
JMTMJ has made a lot of good points, and if your situation were different I would ask you to take them on board...
However.. you say your boyfriend has a history of doing stupid things with girls when he is upset... I think he loves you, but I also think he is too young to act properly in your relationship. I think he needs time to explore the world and yes date other girls until he is sick of them... He needs to mature, and even though he loves you, he really can't do that with you..
You love him, he loves you... it's just the wrong time for you both, he is too immature and needs the experience to grow.. I do believe that he will cheat on you again.. he will probably not plan it, it will just happen. Sorry babes... In a few years time he will probably be your perfect man.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (6 June 2010):
He wont do this again. I'm dead serious. He told you basically as soon as he could, (obviously he had some thinking to do). You didn't have to probe him, he just came right out and said it. That takes balls! He could have said nothing and stayed with you for years to come and never said anything. But he didn't. He made a damn big mistake and he knows it. You're in his long term plan, he can't see you not being in his life and he knows that it would kill him to keep a secret like this from you or have it come out later down the track, making things much, much worse. He stood up and admitted his mistake right away, like a man. Don't take that lightly because not many guys will do that. I'm not saying that he shouldn't feel the consequences of what he did, he needs to know that it wasn't ok and that you won't tolerate it again. He's said that he's prepared to spend forever making it up to you and from the sounds of it those words are matching his actions... Correct? I'm a firm believer in forgiving one big mistake in a relationship, we are human after all, plus you never know when you'll make a big mistake and want forgiveness. Relationships are hard, mistakes WILL happen. Oh, and once a cheater always a cheater is NOT a scientific fact... its just a saying. Cheaters can be more likely to re-offend, yes, be aware of that, but that's all there is to it. It will take time to trust him again, which is normal, but its up to him to do whats necessary to win back your trust. Best of luck :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2010): Oh, he will definitely do it again and you can't do a damn thing about it. You have already told him, through your actions, that you will stick with him no matter how shitty he treats you. He has told you through his actions,that this is who he is and being with him will be hell.
When a man's actions and words are contradictory, always look at the actions, they tell the truth.
Loose this guy now! You will hurt for awhile and then get better. If you stay with him, you will hurt for a long while and it will affect you emotionally and perhaps even physically (like if he gives you an STD).
His character is flawed, find a good man and you will live a happy life and feel like the most beautiful woman in the world :)
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