A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hiya, i'm really confused :( i've been with my boyfriend for 7 months and everything is just going wrong :( i love him so much but at the moment he's really hurting me, he makes me sound like an awful person who only cares for myself and that really isn't true. He's my first boyfriend so i don't really know how to handle any of this in the first place... the thing is he gets really jealous when i speak to boys (mates), if i don't reply within a certain amount of time on messenger he accuses me of doing things and he's often called me 'sly' :S i really don't know what to do, i try my hardest with him, i haven't done anything to hurt him and i feel like i can't have friends anymore. I've tried talking to him about it but he just avoids the topic. He lets his past relationships get in between us and his friends are always causing trouble for me like: 'oh she's ignorant she isn't even looking for you' or 'she's a bit close with him isn't she? ' (meaning my best friend) he doesn't understand me :( i really am just a genuine person who would do anything for him half the time i don't understand what i've done wrong :( i love him so much but i really don't know what to do, please help x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2008): Ok... Well first of all, you haven't done anything wrong. He is insecure and bulling. He's accusing you of cheating all the time when you have done nothing to deserve these allegations. He is unwilling to talk or listen to reason.
He may have had a bad past in relationships and they can affect future relationships a great deal, but if he thinks that every women is the same and that because one girlfriend cheated on him they all will, then I don't see why he'd be in any relationship ever again. He’s being ridiculous.
He is your first boyfriend, but he is not a good one from what I can see. You're young so you probably haven’t thought about the prospect of settling down, but I thought I'd say:
Can you actually imagine spending the rest of your life, or even a few more years for that matter, tied down to a guy who doesn't trust you and who makes you feel like you've done something wrong for just speaking to friends. He's trying to batter you emotionally into being a social recluse. He's trying to control you. Could you give up your friends and your happiness for this man, who will probably tell you that you're cheating anyway?
If friends don’t sound like very nice guys, but try to think of your boyfriend as a person, even if that involves him being under the influence of his friends. You may be thinking that he would trust you if it wasn’t for them, but in truth if he trusted you, what they said to you would not matter the slightest little bit.
I don’t really understand “'oh she's ignorant she isn't even looking for you'”. What does that mean? Do they know what ignorant is?
You say you’re a genuine person and I believe you. So you need to look into your heart and see what you love more… Your own happiness and yourself OR your abusive untrusting boyfriend.
I hope you make the right choice. You deserve to be happy and trusted.
Good luck. x
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (19 June 2008):
 Hi,
Unfortunately you will find that there are a lot of boys and men out there with controlling personalities. You have just had the bad luck to have one as your first boyfriend.
Its best to let him go make some poor other girl's life a misery mate. He will only get worse as time goes on.
Their methodology is to make you feel really bad about yourself but then they will be all sweet and tender and make you feel great. It's all an act to make you concentrate on the good moments so when they treat you poorly you think it is your fault.
It's all a twisted little game inside their twisted little feeble immature heads.
Call it a day , believe me there are nice boys out there who will treat you right, dump this one, he's a loser.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Manximus  +, writes (19 June 2008):
 Well he sounds like a really insecure boy, but maybe within reason if he has been hurt in the past.
However, this does not mean he can treat you in this way.
Have you spoken to him about the way you feel? It can sometimes be difficult when your partner has so many friends of the opposite sex, but that does not mean you intend to cheat.
I have many female friends and it has caused problems with previous partners in the past, but you could try introducing him to your male friends and help him feel a tad more secure.
Maybe you could even show him this post and let him see for himself how much he is hurting you. I am sure he doesn't want to hurt you, but insecurity can be a major obstacle to overcome, especially at such a young age.
Best of luck.
M
x
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