A
female
age
41-50,
*luffy101
writes:The other day while I was out, a guy who used to like me turned down the street I was driving on and started to follow me just by pure coincedence. Not really in a creepy way, but definitely in a way that if I stopped he would have stopped to say hi. I was on the phone with my boyfriend and mentioned that this guy had pulled in behind me and seemed like was following me. I was actually heading towards where my boyfriend was working and was going to stop by and see him. This was only a couple of blocks away from where this other guy got behind me. When I got to where my boyfriend was I kept driving because I didn't know how to handle the situation if the other guy tried to talk to me. I felt very awkward. This upset my boyfriend and he began to say that he thinks that I still talk to this guy otherwise why would he follow me around like that. Nothing ever happened with this other guy before I met my boyfriend, and I certainly haven't talked to him since meeting my boyfriend. Needless to say we had a huge fight. I may have not handled the situation right, but I feel almost guilty be association. I haven't called him in 2 days and today I finally tried to call him and his phone was turned off. Our relationship has been rocky for a few weeks but I still love him. I want to defend myself but I haven't done anything wrong. How should I proceed from here? I feel like he's trying to find a reason to break-up with me and so he's made me out to seem bad so that he feels like he has a reason. If he wants to breakup with me then I want it to be for a good reason not a lie on me. Any advice??
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010): I think there are more details to this than you are maybe telling us here. However, based on what you said I will offer some insight.Your boyfriend probably has a little bit of an insecurity issue. I don't think it's something that you stop you from being in a relationship but something you should take into consideration.First off, if this guy was just following you by coincedence, you shouldn't have told your boyfriend. Period. All that does is create weird crazy ideas in his head. For one, it your boyfriend was working so there wasn't much he could do about it. Two, it is weird that he would be traveling the exact same path as you, and you noticed. Three, you should have stopped. If there was nothing bad and it was innocent, then you should've kept with what you were planning. To see your boyfriend. It's relatively simple, if this guy stopped to talk to you while your boyfriend was there, you could've been polite and said hi, and then excused yourself by saying, "Yeah, I just came to see my boyfriend here at work because I missed him.." Or something to that effect.If your boyfriend heard you say something like that, it would put huge amounts of confidence in his head about your relationship. Ex-boyfriends, ex-lovers, or even ex-dates are a very touchy subject with some men. I know because it is with me.My fiance is the same way as you. When she is put in an uncomfortable situation she either tries to avoid it, (which makes it worse because I think she has something to hide); or she just stays as quiet as possible and says as little as possible. I just want her to be herself. One time, this guy who she used to date met saw her at chili's and stopped to say hi. She was so embarrassed she turned red in the face. I said hi to the guy and had to introduce myself as her fiance! She didn't say a word.After a huge argument about it she said she just felt to awkward with him there she just shut down. But when she doesn't say anything it leaves my imagination to run wild and i usually think things that are worse that what they really are.Call him again, leave a voicemail telling him you care about him and would like to talk about what happened. And when you do talk to him, be calm and composed.Tell him you were just embarrased and didn't know how to react. Ask him what he thinks you should have done. If what he says is reasonable tell him you will try. But explain to him that you tell him these things because you trust him and that he needs to trust you more.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (10 February 2010):
You make him work hard for your affection again if he comes back. If he doesn't cut him right out of your life. You have nothing to defend. So he either was looking for an excuse to get out of the relationship, or he has serious issues with himself. Think twice about taking him back.
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