A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been working at a local restaurant in my town for almost two months now. It's the first real job I've ever had. I've been recently getting vibes from my boss. Last week, we had a moment. The area behind the counter is very narrow. My co-workers and I walk over each other constantly. My boss was passing through and I was trying to let him by. He put his arm around me and patted me on the back. Well, it was more of a rub than a pat. The other day, he gently placed his hand on my arm as I was making a coffee. I guess he didn't want me to mess up so maybe it was his way of telling me to not be nervous?His actions are not unwelcome. If you saw him, you'd understand why. Saying that he's unbelievably handsome would be a huge understatement. Every time I see him, I get heart palpitations that might actually kill me. I'm in my early twenties and he's probably like 20 years my senior. And he's married. I don't want to do anything. I'm not stupid. I would never want to do anything that would get us both in trouble. I'm not willing to risk it. I'll just keep this crush a secret. But I just can't keep myself from wondering...Any thoughts?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2012):
Trust me:
When a man is in his 40's all 20 year old girls are beautiful.
Youth is always attractive.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question"You are young and beautiful."
I never stated that I was.
To the other posters, thanks for your responses.
Don't worry. Nothing will come of this crush. I'll keep my distance.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2012):
My opinion as a 40 year old married guy:
He is attracted to you, of course. You are young and beautiful. However, that doesn't mean he wants a relationship with you. He may even see you as more of a daughter or niece.
From what you have said, it doesn't sound like he has done anything unusual which would indicate anything other than he likes you. I think maybe you are projecting given that you seem to find him handsome. In fact, you may even be putting out a "vibe" (unconsciously) which any red-blooded man will recognize and (if he loves his wife) try hard to ignore.
Stop daydreaming about this guy. He has a wife. If he touches you in any inappropriate way you need to warn him off. Sounds like he hasn't done that, though.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (14 March 2012):
 Here's my thought... which includes YOUR words: "...I don't want to do anything. I'm not stupid. I would never want to do anything that would get us both in trouble. "
Keep repeating those words until they sink in....
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (14 March 2012):
 Many men, especially older men, do this. It is not a sign of romantic affection, it's just a friendly way of them being like, "I don't mean to bump into you." It probably means he feels positively towards you in the sense that he doesn't find you invisible, but any reading past that is just fantasy. He's married, so you should try to find another outlet for your affections.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 March 2012):
 You are having a crush on your boss, it's not uncommon specially if the guy is a total looker!
Just remember 2 things, he is married & your boss. Both things that spell disaster if you let it go further.
And you might want to nip the touchy stuff in the bud, before he thinks he can "play" around with you.
If he won't do it, YOU be the adult.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (14 March 2012):
 Dream away all you want but dont ever let it translate into reality. Here's why.
He's married and 20 years older. You cant ever expect him to leave his wife for you and if that day were to ever come, then be prepared to be dumped for another attractive 18 year old who might come his way. His touch is inappropriate and while you might be loving every second of it now, it doesnt sound right. You're old enough to know what is a good touch and what isn't. What he's doing is not good, he's flirting with you because he knows you fancy him.
Make sure this never converts into anything even remotely sexual because it could have you fired. Plus you dont want to be the "other" woman, do you? You are way too young to be burdened with all that shit; enjoy life, meet guys your own age, have fun, but keep away from this married man.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 March 2012):
 You have a crush! so cute. Sounds like he's just a touchy feely kind of guy...
he's your boss and that I'm sorry is a big huge no-no
he's also married and that's a big no-no
enjoy your crush... it can't and should not go further.
if it does, he's a liar and a cheater (how's that make him sound) and he's also risking his job as a sexual harassment charge could be levied
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (14 March 2012):
 Sorry but this man is married that means he is OFF LIMITS so keep whatever thoughts you have as a fantasy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2012): There's nothing wrong with wondering OP as long as you keep it in the realm of fantasy.
There are two very important things you have to consider here:
1. Never mix business with pleasure. It's a mistake people your age make a lot, I made that mistake myself when younger. Dating a co-worker/boss most of the time makes you lose your job and makes it a very messy complicated situation that can completely mess up your mental well-being.
2. He's married and I don't need to lecture you on the moral implications of that, just don't do it.
"I don't want to do anything. I'm not stupid. I would never want to do anything that would get us both in trouble. I'm not willing to risk it. I'll just keep this crush a secret."
If this is all true OP then you have to establish boundaries and draw a line under the physical affection.
You're already wondering OP and you already like him, chances are if he keeps touching you and getting close to you, you're feelings will grow stronger than your logical reasoning and you'll end up in a situation with this guy where you won't stop him from taking things further. You have to ensure that doesn't happen.
He's giving you subtle physical signals of intent, he's testing your comfort level and he's planting the seed (or he could just be friendly and you're reading into signs that aren't there) either way you have to respond these to subtle signals by showing subtle signals of rejection. He puts his hand on your arm? Gently take away your arm. Don't pass by closely with him again, if you have to get past him in that narrow corridor again then step aside and wait for him to come through it, if he's stationary in that narrow passage then move quickly past him.
If you really are intelligent OP you make sure there is no or very limited physical affection. At your age you may not understand this yet but for you girls a touch is very powerful thing, a intelligent man knows that even the most minor physical affection can have a profound effect on a woman's emotions and if done over the long term can turn a cold hard woman into putty in your hands. You will not be able to control your feelings if you let him touch you this way, each one will add to your feelings and before long you will wake up in the mornings looking forward to him to putting his hands on you and yearning for more, even the smartest of women/men can get caught by that and you will not stop him making a move on you regardless of the repercussions when you get to that point.
Keep your distance and this will be a nice fantasy for you and pleasant working experience. If you don't then you may end up a jobless home-wrecker with a reputation for being that. You're too young to have to deal with the fallout of something so stupid, life is good. Keep it that way.
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