A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:SUMMARY: I am depressed because I am lonely because I have no interests and therefore nothing to talk to others about to connect with them.Hi guys. Im feeling kind of depressed and have felt so off and on for a couple of years now. I think the reason I am so depressed is because I have a very hard time socializing with others and I feel lonely. A lot of it is that I want a girlfriend but I don't know how to talk to people especially girls. I think I am a great person and the few friends I have really like me and people tell me that I'm so sweet, nice, confident, good looking, intelligent, strong, athletic and overall a great guy. But i don't know how to talk to people. Even though it might not sound it right now I am also very humble. But I don't find anything interesting because I can't find anything intellectual enough to stimulate my interests and anything that is i am too tired after school to think about it cause i just want to relax. This is going to sound extremely cocky but I don't find other people interesting because everyone i know is interested in things that require little intelligence and therefore I lose interest.How can I connect with people so I am no longer lonely?
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female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (1 February 2012):
 Hi,
When you meet a girl that you find interesting, just have a casual smile, say hi and introduce yourlsef. You can ask her who she came with? Do you come here often? Make comments about the location. Ask if she lives close by? If she works or go to school? I am sure she will have her own questions too. Try not to be too serious and when asking the questions don't make it look like it's an interrogation. Be calm, just know that I am sure she's nervous too. Try to find out if you guys have things in common. If she has siblings. I know it's hard to start a conversation, but everybody feels just as uncomfortable as you do. It's going to be difficult to get use to in the beginning, but when you start trying you will realize that it's not so bad. If it doesn't go well with the first try, it's ok, don't feel down or rejected and try again. Never take it personally. The only way you will meet someone compatible is if you try. We all been there... I hope you start enjoying life, we all have insecurities, but don't let that stop you for living a fulfilling life. I am sure that if you meet the right girl, she will think that you being shy is a quality, and no matter what you do, all she'll want is to spend time with you. Don't think too much, ok?
Good luck/best wishes
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your answers, they are helpful. my problem is i can say hi but then have no idea what to say next or even how to get the other person to do the talking
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (30 January 2012):
Hi,
You are in the prime of your life. As your friends describe yourself, you have all the qualifications to meet anybody you want. I know you are a smart guy, educated and have high standards, but when you meet people, specially girls you just want to enjoy, relax and have fun. If you are looking for a girlfriend, you both do not have to have same intellectual level, as long as she's smart, sweet, funny, honest, that's pretty much what you should look for in a girlfriend. It's about how she makes you feel. But, you will never know, because you are not giving girls a chance. You should go out with your friends more often, have few drinks, if you see someone that you think is decent, try to make eye contact and a little casual smile helps. If you feel she's being responsive, try to approach and just say hi, and after that things will come naturally. Really, no rocket science here. You don't need to do all the talking, and you don't need to talk all the time... Please, don't waste your precious life, specially your youth, you are just over thinking too much about the whole thing. When you meet a girl you have a little interest, she doesn't have to be perfect, and things dont have to be a serious relationship right away. Its not like you are buying her and have to be stuck. :) jokes aside, but you know what I am trying to say. You need to meet different girls to finally meet the one, and when you do, you will know for sure, because you had past experiences. The only one making you depress and stopping you for living your life the fullest it's you. I hope I make sense, and hope you start feeling better and start enjoying life.
Good luck/best wishes
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A
female
reader, dog-lover +, writes (30 January 2012):
Have you tried Mensa, or an activity that has "smarter" people in it (Chess, Scrabble......). I've heard a public speaking class has helped people learn how to converse in all situations. Just as an aside, I outgrew my working life of 25 years and with age became unable to enjoy my passions (I'd been very athletic) and also suffer from depression and nothing piques me.....this is troublesome because I was SO interested in SO much, so passionate for years....I can tell you, for me, I have identified weltshmerz and, on a global AND personal level, an on-going grief that has not healed (the losses have piled up like cars on a crowded highway going too fast to stop). This may not be true for you, but you have to clean the glass on the window(s) out of which you gaze.
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