A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has bipolar disorder. I know that causes mood changes. Every time he gets paid ( he is on disability benefits ), he disappears. It's usually for about three or four days. Sometimes, he texts and calls me during that time, but sometimes he doesn't. He goes to see his friends, who live in another area. I don't mind him seeing his friends, but i don't like the way he does it. For example, yesterday, i was at his house, and i wasnt feeling well. He told me that he wasnt going to see his friends, and that he was going to stay with me while i wasnt feeling well. He went out a couple of times, but came back. The last time he left the house, he told me that he was going shopping in town . He sent me a text message about an hour later saying that he has missed the bus and that he was on his way back. I tried to text and call him a few times when he didn't get back, but he didn't answer. It's possible that he went to see his friends, He told me he had spoken to them on the phone earlier in the day, but didnt say he planned to see them.I haven't heard from him at all since he left the house yesterday.I'm sick with worry. All i want him to do is tell me where he is, and that he is ok. I think it's really disrespectful that he didnt tell me the truth ( if he has gone there ). I don't want to think the worst, but what if something bad has happened to him ?. There is a possibility that i am pregnant. We had unprotected sex recently. I wonder if this has been overwhelming for him ?. Maybe he wants a bit of space, for some reason ?. I'm not sure whether to just wait until he contacts me, or should i just wait until Friday at the latest, and then either try to text or call him, or go round to his house and see if he's in, if i havent heard from him ?. He was quite drunk when he left the house yesterday too. He has done that before ( pretended that he is going to meet me, and then hasnt turned up or contacted me ), but he usually does that when i'm not at his house. He has only left me alone in his house like that a couple of times. I dont want to leave him, as i love him so much. But talking to him doesnt work. I have told him how much this upsets me before, but it still happens. On the week he doesnt get paid ( he gets paid every fortnight ), he sees me pretty much every day, and he is very reliable, but he is unreliable most of the time when he gets paid. We dont even go out much together now either, and i want us to. I have heard that people with bipolar disorder sometimes disappear . I've read about that a lot on the internet. I'm also pretty upset because he told me that his friend had said " All the more reason for you to come here ", after my boyfriend told him that i wasnt feeling well. Was he trying to be cruel by saying that ?.
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female
reader, jonsey +, writes (8 January 2019):
Female of 39 years old here. My husband bf ,partner of almost 9 years + 3 children lolIs very simylar to this .. Sounds familiar.He will become very irratble + moody and disapear from anything like 12hours - 24 hours and even 4days. He will lie about his wearabouts and who he is with, it drives ya mad at times.He sends texts and other messages and gives me bullshit stories . Before he disapears he becomes very irratble + moody and i notice his eyes change and they push forward almost look stressed pushed ... And sometimes during a loonatic phase he has flared up hot tempered and turns evil and what i will describe as it like being infront of the exorsist ....Serioysly its not him.Demonic. Few times he has addmmitted to hearing things + goes into a zombie trance ....And i will describe it as he will run the gauntlet nearest exit. Its very frustrating as we have young family. ( and believe me i have done the affair) but it had to be ended.The disapearing usually occurs at least every 6 weeks theres a strong pattern in the behaviour if u watch closley , The only advice i can give to anyone ....As i have tolerated this for many years ....Is stay strong , talk to others about it, share experice, and dont allow his behaviour to affect u. Do what u enjoy liVe life... Remember he is mentally ill ...
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (28 February 2013):
 He sounds very manipulative and self-centered.
First off, buy a pregnancy test kit and find out if you are pregnant or not.
You can't fix his problem for him, and no amount of your being patient and understanding and helpful is going to solve this for him. HE has to want to get real help.
I'd text back something like, "sorry, not having this convo via text. I'm done with this type of drama. when you are ready to find a fix to your medical condition, I will support you. in the meantime, I am putting 'us' on hold. I need to take care of my own physical and mental health and that has become my priority."
You've tried talking and being understanding. It doesn't sound much like it's working, now does it? Time for tough love.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2013): He sent me a text message this afternoon, asking if i still love him, and asked me to text him. I haven't replied yet. I'm not sure what to say.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2013): intrigued3000, you may be right about him being inconsiderate . But also, he doesn't take any medication, so that could be the cause of it too. I'm not sure.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (27 February 2013):
 I'm not sure if any of this behaviour has anything to do with him being bipolar. I have a couple of friends who are bipolar and the only time that their behaviour becomes erratic is when they're not taking their medication. I think this guy is just plain inconsiderate and takes you for granted.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2013): If i do dump him, i don't want to do it over the phone though. I don't think that is a nice thing to do. I do want to get back at him for this though. I think i'm too soft with him sometimes. I respond straight away whenever he comes back. I'd like to either ignore him next time he texts me or calls me, or tell him that i am busy and i cant see him for a couple of days ( or longer ) or something. He has to learn that he cant mess me around anymore. I feel bad that he has bipolar disorder, but it is no excuse for him to treat me like that every fortnight.Another thing i dont like is , when he comes to my house, he goes straight on the computer, and he eats meals here. I hope he isnt using me for my internet and food. He doesn't always have much food at his house, on the week he doesnt get paid, and he doesnt have the internet at home (he has it on his phone, but doesnt have a computer). He goes to a library in town to use the internet. He does do nice things for me, and he is a lovely person, but i hate the way he acts when he gets paid.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (27 February 2013):
 Why, oh-why, would you put yourself through the drama and angst that you describe in your submittal? Is it REALLY worth it??????
Re-read your submittal and ask yourself just WHAT is going on in YOUR head (NOT HIS)!!!!
Good luck...
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