A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So my father has a girlfriend. She's nice, I dont think she really loves him.. She talks down to him sometimes and she has no Job! She is 35.. not quiet the age to be retiring hunny!Im having a hard time dealing with the fact that My dad has a serious girlfriend.. My father has done well for himself. Im 21 and My dad and I have always been real close. I talk to my daddy about EVERYTHING. He is my Rock and the only male figure I've ever had in my life. Before I moved it was Dad and I all the time.. Its hard to accept this change in life...I moved from Texas to California 5 months ago and I missed my dad and sister so much that I had drove home. Since I've been back Nothings been the same, We hardly talk.. Hes been acting like a complete different person. And he gets extremely weird when we are with his girlfriend. Like he does'nt want to acknowledge my presence, He is definately giving me the cold sholder. I think its great that he has a girlfriend.. But I still want my relationship with my dad! I've been an emotional roller coaster over this whole thing the past three days. My biggest fear is that he will marry before me.. that would kill me. Unless I have a serious boyfriend, I just dont see any way of copeing with that!Im going crazy!! What the hell is going on here?????could she be saying negative things about me to him?I just Need some Input! please!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2008): First off a relationship for you will not help. You should find sometime to pull your dad aside and talk to him. let him know how you feel about his relationship with his new girlfriend (the good and bad) also tell him how you are feeling about how your relationship with him is changing.
He might not notice that he is giving you the cold shoulder, or he might be doing it because he thinks that you don't like or approve of her. Talk to him. Nothing will get resolved if you don't communicate.
Maybe you should also sit down with her and talk with her. Let her know were you stand and what you think and feel is going on. Maybe she doesn't notice it or she could just be a crappy person you will figure that out when you talk with her.
I hope I have helped, Good luck.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (26 September 2008):
 I think that you are going to have to accept the fact that she is in his life. If you treat her with disrespect and view her as a competitor for your Dad's affections, he won't be happy with you. He loves you as a daughter, he loves her in a different way. Even if your worst fears are true and she is "Gold Digging", his money isn't your money and he has every right to decide what to do with it and his life. You owe him respect, for being your Father and having loved you unconditionally and for supporting you for all of the years when you were growing up. He is at a stage in his life where he was expecting you and your sister to fly the family nest and for him to make new plans for his Own life, having his grown independent children out there in the world. That probably is coming, for you, at the worst possible time, because you are in transition and not quite "launched" yet. If you can take a healthy step back and view your situation this way, you can see how this would make you feel like she is the main problem and make you claw back at wanting her out of the picture and have everything back the way that it was, but the fact is, you are growing up and this will continue to change. Your being home is still a limited thing, until you find your own path. You need to realize that your Dad, as much as he loves you, knows that you are growing up and will leave soon, and that's a big change for him too. It's a hard thing to accept, your children leaving home.
Try to find some common ground with this woman (even if you have to bite through your tongue to do it) and make your Dad's life a bit easier. If he loves her, you have to try to accept her, because you love him and want him to be happy. You and your sister's places in his heart will never change, you will always be his little girls, Hunny. She isn't your competition for your Dad's affection. Would you want your Dad to grow old alone while you were out in your own new life, married, with little ones? I doubt that you would want that, even if you are finding her hard to accept right now.
It might well come to pass that they marry before you do and that is something that is out of your hands. Some things in life give us the opportunity to grow and show how graciously we can let go of our own expectations and just go with the flow. Life is Change. The only thing that is certain is Death and Taxes! If you think that she might be bad-mouthing you, then don't give her anything to bad-mouth you about! Can you think back to a point where your Dad was pulling back? What happened right before that? Sometimes you need to admit that something you did or did not do might have caused that displeasure and you need to show your Dad that you are okay with sharing his love with his new girlfriend. We can't change other people, we can only change ourselves and how we react to them. Try to project into the future a bit and realize that NO MATTER WHAT, He is always going to be your Dad. You are forming the the future of your relationship with him with how you are acting right now. I've written this in the hopes that you are open to hearing the opinions of other people out here. I can only hope that you take this in the spirit in wish this was written and that with reflection, this helps you in your dilemma. Of course, we all wish that the floor would open up and swallow her, but the reality is something else. 8^D !!! Take care and hope that you are able to be the bigger person, it's hard to grow up so fast, my Dear. XXX
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2008): You said you talk about EVERYTHING so go talk to him about how you're feeling.
Good luck
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