A
female
age
30-35,
*enacoleus
writes:Dear Aunts (apology in advance for the length! =[ ),Right now, I'm a 15 year old girl, a freshman in high school.I've known one of my best friends, lets call her Cindy, for about three years. We became very close around a year ago when we both began questioning our sexual orientations. We had the same problem - we are both VERY feminine and the very opposite of a "stereotypical" butch lesbian (of course, that is why those are stereotypes). I felt as though I did not fit in the 'gay' community, but not in the straight one either...We would console each other that we were bi, not lesbians.Over time, our friendship became...slightly more. It was a very fine line we walked on; neither friends nor lovers. We would tell each other our deepest secrets, worries, and crushes (on guys of course)...all the while suppressing that we had feelings for one another.One night we went to a typical 8th grade slumber party - around 6 girls were there. The two of us slipped away into our own worlds, paying attention to no one else. When it got to be very late and all the others had fallen asleep, Cindy whispered to me: "are you awake?" (our sleeping bags were next to each other). I whispered, yes! back. Cindy got up and came into my sleeping bag (I know, that sounds weird, but at the time we were giggling and laughing...)In the dark we faced each other, silent. And then she gave me my first kiss. I couldn't see straight for days afterward.That was a year ago. Up until a few weeks ago we were the same type of friends as in 8th grade, the girls who laugh and seem really "tight" and sometimes kiss in the dark...My problem is I think I'm in love with her.My heart aches when she tells me about guys she think are hot while at the same time her arm is around my lower waist, her thumb in the back pocket of my jeans. I hate how she can trace her beautiful fingers over my lips, move my bangs out of my eyes carefully, and still claim we have a platonic relationship. I hate how when I'm around her I can think of nothing else but her, and she claims she loves me...but then she'll forget to return my calls, cancel plans, ignore me with no reason.I told her I felt I was being played. I know it's not easy to be bi (or gay) in high school, but I didn't mind keeping my relationship with her a secret. It was just she was SO SO hot and cold. I couldn't deal with her cancelling plans after I had looked forward to them all weekend. So I told her I needed a break from our "friendship" :(It's been 2 weeks, and I miss her like hell. She doesn't look at me now, and is very stubborn so I know she won't be the one to fix what we had. Should I just let go? Why do you think she ignored me before? I used to think she loved me too...And do you have any idea why she would act like my girlfriend one day and just a friend the others?Sorry again guys, for the long post (and slightly strange-sounding language, the only english I speak is in my international school - very formal).
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a break, best friend, crush, lesbian Reply to this Question
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female
reader, openmind +, writes (3 December 2009):
She sound like she is just very insecure and doesnt know how to deal. Hate to use a movie analogy but it really fits here have you seen the movie broke back mountain if you havent rent it immediatly. But the two men fall in love and have passionate sex afterward they both say they arent gay but their relationship is long distance and they meet a few times a year to be together this sound like your girl. If your concerend about her friend ship as in its more important to you than anything else then i would try n patch things up but keep things strictly platonic for a while and see how she reacts. If you do that let me know what happens if not good luck in whatever you choose!!!
A
female
reader, lenacoleus +, writes (30 November 2009):
lenacoleus is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks so much :)
Your advice really helped me. I'll try to keep positive and focus on other things, and maybe Cindy and I can be friends again one day.
As for now, the way she made me feel on "bad days" just wasn't worth the "good days." I'll see what happens...
Thanks again for your words of encouragement!
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2009): Bless you, this is obviously such a confusing time for you. My opinion is really for you to let go of this, it isn't worth the pain you are feeling. Love is something that should bring you happiness and it is something to be enjoyed. Love isn't sitting around wishing on someone that doesn't feel that way too. You are worth more than being dropped and forgotton. You are a young woman and try to be positive. Consider yourself very lucky to have enjoyed a close friendship and a first kiss with this girl, see it as something that was brillaint at the time but now it is time for new experiences. I suggest joining up to some new clubs, throw yourself into a new hobby with new people and enjoy it. Don't use your time waiting for something to happen but get out there and make new things happen. Your friend may see this new positive you, and might like your new found independence and could come back. If she doesn't, well you will have a new circle of friends who you can cheer you up when you are down and you will be independent.I hope this helps you to come to a decision. Take Care.
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