A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:MOD NOTE: OP's own title:Me and my bf are in cooling off stage. Because we need to think things over if we still want to continue our relationship or not. We are ok as a couple as far as I knew, and the only argument that we have is about his ex wife (they dont have any kids). Since they've been divorced for almost 6 yrs, My bf dated a lot of gf after their divorced, those girls that he dated left him for a reason that he cant move on from his ex wife. When met and became friends he is on the process of recovering from his ex (2 1/2 ys ago). As what my bf told me he never knew the reason of why his ex ended the relationship. And from time to time he still asked me why. After they broke up, they tried to work things out 5x and still it doesnt work. Everytime the girl has a new lover she will tell my bf not to text, call or send her any email coz it affects her new relationship. Now that the girl is free and not in a relationship, she always try to communicate with my bf through calls, txt or email and sometimes she's asking for a help. In which my bf says he will always be there for her as a friend and will have no plans to go back to her at all. Since they shared 16 yrs and known each other for 21 yrs, my bf said its not easy to let go the 21 years of togetherness. I know my bf still cares for her and or still have feelings for her and it hurts me a lot knowing all these things. They communicated on a daily basis, and it terribly annoys me. I try to understand as possible as I could. I do explain my bf how I felt about this, and he always told me that he will never go back to her and he just wanted to be friends with her, he even told me that he dont want to deal and experience again with those painful times when his ex wife left him. About this issue, he told me that I dont trust him at all because I always thought he's always texting and communicating with her ( I know very well they do communicate coz I can even open his call logs and text logs) and I am very INSECURE. I dont know if I need to trust him on this or not. He is a great guy, and this is the only problem that I have with him. I dont want to talk to his ex wife coz I know its very inappropriate. What shall I do, will I work things out with him or not? Since he was telling and stressing out that I dont trust him at all. I told him that I do trust him but Im just afraid of him communicating with his ex.... PLEASE HELP! Do i have to wait for him to put an end to our relationship since we are only in a cooling off process, will I call or text him that we need to talk and finish this... HELP! (after I decided to have a space they communicated more than ever, early morning to late night, frequent text and calls)... My bf said they shared the same passion which is SPORTS! and thats the only thing that they are talking about esp. football!
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broke up, divorce, ex-wife, his ex, insecure, move on, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2010): I think that he is protecting his present relationship with his ex wife by calling it "Just Friends". What ever you call it, it is still not emotionally letting go. It sounds to me that she keeps him on the back burner for when she is alone, and he allows it. No deffending it. It is what it is.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (2 September 2010):
He is never going to let this ex go. Ever. The fact that all those girlfriends before you had to leave him says it all. When you left, they were communicating more than ever. The truth is, they are two people who love each other, but can't live together. Neither will just end it. So here you are, on the side. This man will not change, and will not cut contact. Stop wasting time with a man who just isn't in this relationship, or any others for that matter.
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