A
female
age
36-40,
*ani
writes:hey i have been with my boyfriend for less than a year i recently found out that his ex is pregnant for him . since he found out that she is pregnant his out look on life has changed now he is so afraid of commitment and he does not see him self having a child with me.i feel like he loves her more than me ever since i found out i cant even look on him without thinking about the other girl i realy dont know what to do.i tried leaving but it didnt work because i love him but it hurts when i am with him.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (1 March 2008):
 Which do you think is much easier to do?
To leave and be free of this pain or to stay and suffer intolerable pains.
It could fester like those cancer cells and in the end you will lose your life.
Is it better to lose some part of you or to lose your whole life?
It is better to lose some parts of you then to suffer more pains in the end.
The decision is yours.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008): Oh dear, sorry honey that your in this situation, it must be very difficult to get your head around what is best for you, And really if you can look deeper into your feelings and what is in your best interests, especially at the moment, then things with start to clear and you will know what you should do.
It sounds as though this guy cheated on your with his ex, and now she is pregnant? You mentioned that you guys have been together for just less than a year? So how much less, i.e. when was the pregnancy conceived?
I suppose if he did cheat on you then you know what to do, really? If he didn't and she just happened to get pregnant at the end of their relationship, this is difficult. Irrespective of which, you need to understand now that your mans life has changed.
He will be reflecting on life now, he is going to be a father and perhaps has fears of that. He will also be very connected with his ex due to her condition and their discussions now about what they are going to do with this child. None of this has any bearing on you, do don't take this personally at all. He may genuinly care for you, but, things have changed for him now. It is possible he actually doesn't know what to do.
You might need to help him out here if you do care. Your possible not going to like my suggestion, but I will give it anyway in the hope you consider it.
I would offer to end the relationship with him now. I would tell him that all of this is going to be difficult for him to work out, what he wants in life now and where you fit into his new existance. You care enough about him to understand that this is also a tricky one for him, especially if it came out of the blue.
I am wondering though how long this ex has been pregnant. How long has he known? In a way you need to walk away now and see what he wants to do. I am not suggesting lying on your bed crying your eyes out hoping he would ring, what I am saying is you need to get cracking and do stuff in your life to occupy your time. Leave him quietly alone to work all of this out.
Give the guy some credit for realising that this is huge now for him. If he was a looser, he would not give a hoot about the pregnancy, but it seems as though he is prepared to meet his obligations. You are a confusion to him at the moment and he may not be able to cope with any of your emotional insecurities at all. Even if he cares about you, he now has other responsibilites to consider.
Your relationship with him is fairly new, you have not invested years of mememories, time and life. So consider if this is really a relationship which has run it's course, you have had a great time but things are now different.
This could be a blessing in disguise for you. Think of all the problems you will have with this man when is is a father, has to see the mother all the time and you are going to be second place, and rightly so when a child is involved. Do you want to put up with all of that or would you rather have a life, free and breezy with someone who is in the same place as you.
I know it is hard but I think this relationship may have run it's course. It could be the start of something far better for you.
It is possible that he is trying to tell you that it is now not what he can cope with or wants.
Your young enough to have many other partners and altermately you will find a keeper! All the best.
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