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female
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anonymous
writes: my bf and i have been together a year. recently hes not had time with me. i c him on a saturday from 2 - 5 and a monday from 2.30-4. its not alot for me. i used to have whole days on a saturday only with him (long distance relationship) and we used to do so many good things that i really enjoyed. but since i only get to see him those times now because of his job, we cant do any of the things we used to.we cant even leave the city we meet because our time would be takn up travelling if we did. we visit the same places everyday and do the same things becoz we have no where else to go.i cant be intimate with him in public.i cant hug him or feel like a girlfriend with him anymore. i feel im distancing from him and catagorising him as a friend only now that i cant help. i feel my love for him is slipping. i dnt like the way he dresses and things now. im getting extremely sexually frustrated. i want to do things with him but we have no time or opertunity.all holidays that have came up, hes made an excuse not to see me (there proper things like he has to wait for a plumbr or he thinks his foot is broken or cold etc etc)so iv still nver had the full day with him now. this has been going on for 2/3 months.im unsure im loving him now. i feel if he would only be able to hold me proper n do the things he used to, id be ok. but time is just going on. i feel if i dnt get it soon i dnt no wot il do with him. if il still feel like a gf n love him or not. i want to feel in love again. iv spoken to him. e tells me he loves me, he wont let me go and he'l stay with me but he doesnt no what he can do to help me etc. he really is a very honest n loyal boyfriend. but becoz he wont take time off work to c me. its suffering... the work he is doing is voluntary. he works saturdays 9-2 and cant c me sundays. he works monday - wed under overtime voluntary. he doesnt need to do it... bt he claims hed rather get the money while he can. which is putting me out.i really want to be with him and make love with him. im completely desprate now. im xtremely depressed these past few weex with it. i dnt think i can handle another week of this. please help wot do i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2006): Hi babe
This is a hard one but form what I understand he needs to pay more attention to you and make you feel more loved He needs to understand that although his job is important so are you You seem to be very understanding and not wanting him to be with you all the time You just want some quality time with him That shows him what he means to you and he should try to do the same by making time for you.
I know what its like My bf works mad hours and i see him two evenings a week if im lucky He travels with work so before iv had to go 6 weeks without seeing him Its so hard
He has to find a balance between work and time for the two of you that suits you both
Talk to him about it and hopefully he will realise that he cannot take you for granted and needs to spend more time and attention on you
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2006): This has a pretty simple solution, but not simple to deal with. All you need to do is tell him that money isn't all that. Responsibilities and obligations are all fine and dandy up to a point.
I suggest that you go rent the movie "Click" starring Adam Sandler. It's a comedy, but it also has serious overtones. It's about Adam's character fast forwarding through life, skipping all the fights, the hardships, the arguments, and jumping into only the 'best' times. In the end, he realizes how he had missed all the good stuff in his life all because he wanted to do well in his business, attain his corporate goals, become the Chairman of his company, and yeah...
In return, he lost his wife, he didn't see his two children grow up, and he died at the end, regretting everything.
Yeah, go rent it and watch this movie with him, then talk to him about your needs and wants, and tell him that money may be important, but it isn't the MOST important thing in life.
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A
male
reader, guylostinlove +, writes (29 November 2006):
you know what ... i was in a very similar situation late last year with my girlfriend.
i was too busy working and doing other things ... i wasn't thinking much of her. she felt neglected by me ... and she started being more distant ... then somehow i realized it and was like 'wtf am i doing to her because she loves me' ... amongst a host of other things, i was able to make more time for her ... too much time maybe because i actually started getting like 3-4hrs of sleep a night before going to work the next mornign. suffice to say, that started to wear out on me and affected my mood as well. why do i mention this latter part? if you guys can talk it out and work on it ... make sure you put a balance to it.
so, i think you should talk to him about it and tell him how you're feeling. he should be able to see the light and work on making more time for you. either that or you'll have to start being busy on the times that he's free and see how he feels about it ...
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