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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hi i am 15 in 2 weeks, i live in the uk and have been going out with my boyfriend now for 17 months and he is 17. i love him. i never felt like this before and i reali want to settle with him and be with him forever. i really want to have sex with him i am just scared. we are both virgins but he was abused when he was 6 which lasted a few months until the guy was found out. i am scared of sleeping with him although we have both been talking bout it for around 4 months now. im scared that if i do it then it will disturb him or will make him feel afraid because of his past, out parents all know how long we have been together and everything that goes on and they know we have slept together and have told us we can do what we want so long as we use protection sorta thing but i am still really scared. do you think it will do anything to him? he has had 11 years to recover but do you think he will still panic. anyone help please. thankyou xx any advice will be welcome. x
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female
reader, howcomehoney  +, writes (25 May 2007):
 Let him know how much you love him. Let him know that you can trust him - and no faking it, he has to actually be able to trust you (I'm sure he can, but I've seen so many situations where people trust people, sleep with them and get dumped afterwards that I wanted to put that in). If you do choose to have sex, don't go into it with this childhood abuse thing hanging over your heads. Think of it as a way of showing your love for each other, relax, take it slow, don't worry about any awkward moments (there are always a lot of them with virginity, even when there aren't any other issues at play).
You're awfully young to be having sex - are you sure you're ready yourself? Have you thought about the implications this will have for *you*? It's not all about him either.
As long as you're both ready, go for it. Reassure him afterwards, tell him how much you love him. I assure you, sweet sex with someone you love is so very far away from abuse as a child that it doesn't even register as the same thing. There are many people who have suffered this who go on to have happy, fulfilling, successful sexual relationships as adults. Don't worry.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2007): honestly i think he will be ok i was molested as a lil girl by someone close to me and yes no matter how long its been hell never get over it ever. and unless you really know that this is right for you then dont do it cause alot of people that have been molested as a child try to find love but they are scared of gettin hurt and if they do get hurt then its harder in life for them to trust other people and it will be hard for him to over come all of that and he probably wont but just let him know that you love him and that your there for him not to hurt him but you want to be with him and that he makes you happy i dont think hell flip out i think he'll be ok but he might just be a lil shy about certain things and youll just have to learn to work as his pace and just try the best that yall both can.ok
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2007): Dear 15; I don't think that anyone ever gets over being sexually molested regardless of ones gender. It's just something that is beyond a young child's ability to cope with. But life goes on just the same,even when you have been molested. It doesn't make one Gay, As that has already been determined early on, at our mother's breasts. So our sexuality becomes one of Pheromonal Sexual Attraction by way of our mother's body, smell. It is by way of a woman's Pheromones, the male or female pheromones, that we chose who we will love and that choice then becomes a part of our psychosexual make-up. As I have said. Early sexual molestation doesn't determine who we want to love or even spend our life with. In many cases those who have been molested can have a sense of gender confusion all of their lives,when it comes to their human sexuality. Yet in our Sexual Fantasy World we all, now and then, engage in Homosexual fantadies, But the real thing leaves a deep,lasting mental imprint upon one's mind.
Yet, The whole experience can be used as a means to a deep committed,open,satisfying Relationship, but do add oral sex to you togetherness, best way to say "I Love You", Also good way to keep him at home.
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female
reader, myp  +, writes (25 May 2007):
 Talk to him tell him your fears, if sex with you brings up problems from his past reassure him that you can wait for him to fully recover dont pressure him. Let him be in control of the situation. When a person is sexually abused, or abused in just about anyway they often feel that they dont have control over their lives or the situations that they find themselves in, so let him take the lead.
Reassure him that your ready, tell him how you feel, and let him know that your scared that further intimacy might re hash old feelings.
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