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female
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anonymous
writes: Ive been going out with my boyfriend for 9 months now, hes 4 years older than me and i already knew hed partially fingered his gf wen he was 16. but recently i found out that he also fingered a girl who i was very close with and we used to call each other sisters. now i dont talk 2 her because of it and its all i think of and i hate it. i dont want to think about it anymore, does anyone have any tips on forgetting or moving on? ~
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2006): You don't own his past, and you have a good chance of messing up your future if you keep dwelling on it. It's you he wants to be with now.
A
female
reader, matron +, writes (14 June 2006):
 Hi, if we resented everyone that our partners went out with before us we wouldn't have many friends would we? you cant hold grudges against people and the actions they took before you were on the scene, you must forget about it and move on, you are with him now and that's all that matters, the past is gone and you cant change it, you can only accept it. Concentrate on the relationship you have with him now and forget about his past. If the relationship should end for what ever reason i doubt you will ever find a b/f that has never had some kind of intimacy with someone before you and you cant go through your life resenting the past and things out of your control. You must be special to your b/f it's you he's with, try to be happy and look to the future. Jealousy is a disease that can eat away at you, turning you into a very bitter person, dont let that happen cherub. Good luck. hope this has helped x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2006): The only way you can get over this is getting control of your feelings. You own this one, dear. I think your jealousies and insecurities may be getting the better of you. Insecurity, just means a lack of security. It does not mean that you are a bad person. We all have insecurities-some more than others..that's life. What your insecurities mean is that you are not secure, either in yourself or this relationship you have with your bf. From insecurity, a person finds it easy to be jealous. This is usually a signal of something needing fixing, and ignoring that usually only makes things worse. Instead, I would suggest asking yourself-What do I feel insecure about? Do I feel unattractive or uninteresting myself? Do I doubt the other persons love for me? Do I doubt that I can have the type of relationship I want?
If he and she did this 'before' you dated him-then don't you think holding a grudge against this girl who was your friend, may be a bit of an over-reaction? Are you going to dislike 'everyone' he came into contact with? I mean..the reality is-people date people. Boyfriends come and go...a good galpal is a gem and hard to find. She'll could be there by your side, through thick and thin. Firstly, I would apologise to her for being all hurt about this. Secondly, I would put this out of your head for good and get those jealous, fearful feelings in check. You are dating this guy with fearful feelings about losing him and not trusting him. This is really what it's all about. That comes from your neediness and lack of self worth. Get back your confidence and understand-no matter what happens with him, in the long term...you will survive. Life goes on.
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A
female
reader, auntie claire +, writes (14 June 2006):
 dear reader.just talk to her its not all her fault she wasn't the only one there this has happened when you and your b/f weren't together so i don't understand why this is affecting you nowlet sleeping dogs lye and see what happens it's in the past remember don't dwell on itall the best i hope you work things out good luck keep me posted xxx
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