A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Ive been with my bf for like one month now. We are both 18 years old. Ive had one serious relationship before him, which was with my ex bf who I slept with, it lasted 7 months. However i broke up with him because he became abusive. Anyway, last night my current bf asked me if I wanted to have sex with him. I was shocked that he would ask me so early in our relationship!! I told him no and he asked why and I said because we havent been going out for very long and I'm just not ready yet, he then made a joke and said 'ok maybe next week then hahahaha...just kidding, i understand.' That joke kinda worried me a bit, like as if he doesnt understand how important it is to me to wait. He told me early in our relationship he isnt going out with me for sex or anything. However his actions last night are making me think otherwise. I dont wanna have sex with him for a far while to come yet as I dont wanna regret it like I did last time. I wanna be in love, and in a healthy loving relationship. It kinda upsets me that he would sleep with me when he isnt even in love yet. I know hes slept with a fair few girls in the past and from what i understand, it sounds like they gave into him pretty easily, so i cant help but think he is thinking ill do the same. I dont think hes ever had a girl say no to him and kept to there word. Do u think all he wants is sex? part of me feels he does because of last night but the other part of me feels like he doesnt because we spend so much time together jsut talking and hanging out, and nothing sexual related. So im kinda confused about what to do. Should i take this as a early warning sign that hes bad news and leave him? how do i tell him im serious about not wanting sex for a while? how do i bring the topic up? its so awkward.
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female
reader, daisydaresyou  +, writes (24 February 2008):
IF you're not ready, you really shouldn't do it. It sounds like he's more used to casual sex, so is not being totally sensitive to your needs right now, but you've put him straight and he'll just have to deal with that. If he's worth it, he'll wait. You are doing the right thing I think especially since you were in an abusive relationship before - you need to be sure this is right for you. Ultimately you need to talk to him about this. I know it can be awkward as hell but it isn't gonna go away on its own. Otherwise you may end up going further than you want to at the moment if he does put the pressure on (I don't know if he will or not). Talking about sex gets easier the more you do it, so it'll be worth it in the end. If you can communicate what you want sexually, you'll have better sex if and when you decide you want to do it. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2008): You have every right to say no, so stick to your guns until you are ready and never ever be pressurised into this one. It should be a major thing between two consenting adults who love each other, making love, not sex. That is something i associate with prostitutes, sorry, but that is how i feel. Wait and see how things go, if you feel pushed then have a word with him and explain this again. If he wont take no for an answer then get rid, or you could get raped for what he needs. i nearly got raped at 16 by someone who said they would wait, one night it all got too much for him, and he nearly raped me. I ran like hell and never went back to him, but it taught me a vital lesson. Once we say NO, we mean no and people should respect that.take carexx
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