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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend of a year and a half suddenly sleeps with a girl who's in town for a couple of weeks. We live together snd in the past have become very close and have had the best of times. Since January things got rough. I became preganant and lost the baby and it almost killed me, I was in the hospital for a while. It is now June and he said that the reason why he's leaving me is becuase I have pushed him away over and over and he can't recoil and come back to me this time. He tells his close friends that he loves me more than anyone else and would do anything for me, but he cannot be with me. He is so cold so fast, What can I do? This hurts so bad , I keep saying that everything will be better and we will be able to have fun again. He won't even respond, he said he doesn't even like the girl he slept with but won't give us another chance. What can I do, to remind him how much I love him.. or can I do anything to get his heart back? this hurts so bad... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Eagle Lady +, writes (1 July 2005):
I understand how you feel right now--hurt, rejected, dumped. Am sure you have sacrificed a lot for a solid relationship, but since it takes two to tango and he now wants to be away from you, then the good line for you is to "move forward".We cannot control other people to move in accordance with our plans and dreams, despite our sincere moves and commitments. Seems all promises and commitments these days are made to be broken. But dear, you can control your emotion and actions. Sometimes what happens may hurt us, and we don't understand the reason behind. Just think of better days ahead for you, with or without him.Losing a child is very painful. Losing the should-be father adds to the agony. But think of those who died due to acts of God. Sometimes it's a family. It's good that you still are alive at the moment, and will live long to enjoy life's graces.Just pray to have more courage to fight life's fights, and to give you the right man. Prayer works. Before I prayed hard for God to give me my boyfriend of six (6) years as my lawful husband. After discovering our incompatibilities, I realized it's not on that aspect alone which I should have included in my prayers. Include the word "right" -- right man. As the bible says, "Seek and ye shall find..." Maybe what happened is a warning sign to you, so make yourself whole again. Live life to the fullest. Love yourself. Accept things as they are as you cannot change them, but you can change the way on how you look at things, and feel for people. Forgive your boyfriend so you won't have a heavy heart anymore. Then go on with great plans for yourself.
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reader, NordicBeauty +, writes (21 June 2005):
Dear Hurting so bad,My heart goes out to you concerning your situation.It sounds like your partner truly cares for you but he is struggling with some intimacy issues...and so are you.Plus, you have endured a TRAUMATIC upset when you lost your baby & it literally threatened your life.When a woman loses her child, her natural defense is to push people people away because she is hurting so much.Daily survival & routine becomes an exhausting battle.I believe you need to take time JUST FOR YOU...to heal emotionally & physically after the loss of your baby.Your partner feels hurt & rejected because you pushed him away repeatedly, so he jumped into bed with someone he didn't care about...just to have a sexual release.Men are capable of having sex without being in love.I sense he does love you, but what he did was still wrong!I'm sure he feels bad about it, but he needs time alone too.So now you have suffered "double jeopardy"...the loss of a child, and betrayal of your partner's fidelity...ouch !Do you believe you are special & worthy of being healed?Honey, it's time to stop punishing yourself for whatever reason is in your heart & mind.You did not push him away ON PURPOSE...it's a defense mechanism when a woman feels loss and/or betrayal.My advice is, seek out a professional therapist and explore your feelings & fears...get a solid perspective.Alot of your story describes "surface" problems in your life, but you need to "go to the source" deep in your soul.Someday you will laugh & love again...plow forward !
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reader, robinlovescena +, writes (21 June 2005):
 he may just be experimenting with someone else is like. he has been with you for so long that he doesnt know what any other girls are like.but that is considered cheating and should should not accept that, i would break it off with him. think about it good luck~Robin~aka advice gurl
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